Mullikin Crew

A whole lot of the same

2012-02-07T18:43:00.000-08:00

I honestly had no idea it had been since OCTOBER since I had updated anything on here. Wow! I suppose it's because we've been on cruise control around here. I'll briefly update a little about everyone in our home.

Our dear pets:
Patch, our border collie/aussie mix, is continuing to do his job very well at guarding our home and family. He barks non-stop at any passing neighbor with their dog, but we continue to love him anyway. He has taken several trips with our family to "the farm" in NC to visit my family. Currently, he is curled up at my feet ready for bed. I'll have to say he's one spoiled pup!

Oliver, our 17 lb. maine coon kitty, is as feisty as ever. He stays busy trying to show everyone that he runs things around here. Last time I saw him tonight, he was lying with N on the top bunk next to him as he was reading before bed.

Unfortunately, Piper, our adopted cat passed away in December. We had lots of great memories over the summer with her as she birthed kittens in our storage room. I'm very glad that we found homes for all of her babies. She is definitely missed by us all.

O, our 9 year old son, is cruising through 3rd grade. He has a fantastic and energetic teacher who loves to teach. O enjoys school every day and is doing very well with his grades. He continues to be passionate about building and woodworking. Jami and O joined the Greenville Woodworkers Guild and are looking forward to creating many wonderful memories together. I continue to be amazed at O's creativity and imagination in everything he does. I am still convinced that he will do amazing things in the future with his building skills.

N, our 11 year old son, is in 6th grade. Yes, this means middle school. He has a great group of friends that he enjoys spending time with. N is also doing very well with school. After doing homework in the afternoons, N loves his video games (YUCK!!!), but I insist that he spends time outside every afternoon as well. He is playing basketball for the first time this year for a church team. Unfortunately, they haven't won a game yet, but that's not what it's about, huh? He's having fun!
N had a rough couple of months from November to December. The week of Thanksgiving, N had pneumonia. He was a good sport about being isolated from everyone Thanksgiving day. He had tons of time to play video games and watch "Sons of Guns", his favorite show.
Then in December, N had an accident at school while in gym class. He took a shoulder to the face while playing handball (who knew it was so aggressive). When I (the nurse) got to him in the gym he had a busted lip. I thought that was all, however I noticed right away it was more than that. He wasn't responding to me appropriately. He couldn't focus on me or answer questions. So, I took him right to the doctor. It turns out he had gotten hit in his temple and had a concussion. After about 3 hours of confusion on his part, he started acting more like himself, that goodness. It was definitely scary for a couple of hours seeing him acting so strange!

EJ, our 11 year old daughter, is also in 6th grade. Yes, this means middle school for her as well. Middle school is hard with girls, REAL hard. Especially a girl with social issues and eating issues. We are continuing to take everything one step at a time, one moment at a time, one challenge at a time. Yes, we are given new challenges constantly. But, we are also overcoming them as we are presented with them. At church over the past month, we have been taught a series on "Forever". I remind myself constantly that this present moment or situation is NOT the "Forever". We are preparing for "Forever", this life is NOT it. That is what gives me the strength and courage to make it through all the challenges that we face daily. I remind myself to put my faith in God, not in myself, EJ, her therapists, or doctors. God is the ONLY way. He will sustain us. What an encouraging thought that is. One day we will not have to be concerned with the details of eating disorders or Aspergers syndrome. That makes me smile!

Jami is plugging along with his job and enjoys work. We both feel very blessed with his job situation and the stability it provides for our family. Jami has a BIG birthday this year! His goal is to be the healthiest he has ever been when that day comes in March. I'm very proud of how he has been working so hard to change his lifestyle. He is eating much healthier and setting a wonderful example for our family. Also, both Jami and I got road bikes for Christmas. We have gone riding every weekend since Christmas and are looking forward to riding together for many years to come. I love that it is something that we can do together and we both enjoy it! As a matter of fact, for those of you who didn't know, we met 15 years ago talking about biking!

As for me, I'm working as an aide in K5 at the same school our kids attend. I'm also the "on call" nurse and lunch time relief for the receptionist at the front desk. I love going to work every day and am so thankful for all the wonderful people I work with. My work situation is perfect in order to keep my nursing license current and also to work with children. An added bonus is that my work schedule is the same as my kids' school schedule. I truly am blessed! Alright, I'm putting this out there in writing....my goal for this year, a triathlon! I haven't chosen a specific one yet, but I'm gonna do it. I did an indoor triathlon in January and enjoyed it, now I'm ready for a "real" one. I have accomplished one goal I set for myself for this year, I rode my bike over Paris Mountain and then back. To be honest, my legs were so tired that my face was quivering. And yes, I'm absolutely going to do it again. I loved the challenge and then the adrenaline rush of flying down the mountain at 35 mph after the climb was done. I'm just crazy like that!

And, that's it. That's what we've been up to for the past few months. Oh and I almost forgot, we did have a big event in December/January. Congratulations to my dad who retired after working for the same company for almost 45 years. What an amazing accomplishment, I'm so proud of his work ethic and dedication to our family. Thank you dad, and I love you!

The Mullikin Running Crown

2011-10-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

Something BIG happened last Saturday!

N began running cross country for his middle school back in August. We had joked around with each other saying that his goal should be to beat his momma in a 5K race before he finished middle school (8th grade).

As the season went on, I thought I had at least until next year to hold the running crown in our home. N was running great for his first season with times around the 29:00 - 30:00 min. range. Well.....the season officially ended this past Saturday with the Greenville County Cross Country Championships.

6th graders aren't yet eligible for the JV races so in order to participate in some of the meets, they run in the open races. O and I decided to join N and the other 6th grader running for our school in the open race. N set his goal to run the 5K in the 28:00 min. range. My goal was to be in the 25:00 min. range. We both took off together and N was on fire! I figured that he would burn out quickly at the pace he was running. Nope, we passed by mile 1at around 7:50. Then, mile 2 we were around 16:00...

And, the rest was history. He crossed the finish line in 25:13 and his old lady crossed it at 25:15.

Now, he holds the running crown. BUT, trust me, the competition is now on. As competitive as I am, he won't have it for long. I will be on the look out for races that we can do together to keep him running (and also so I can steal the crown!).

As for my little O (9 years old), he did spectacular as well. He did no training at all and finished in 28:50!

It was truly an emotional day for me watch my two boys enjoy running as much as I do. I am so proud of both of them for giving all they had, and doing so well. I am also thankful for God giving N, O, and I the ability to run and I pray that we will glorify Him for many years to come through our running.

Paying it Forward

2011-09-17T17:45:00.000-07:00

Last Monday night my youngest son, O, taught me what it truly means to "pay it forward". Here is the super cool story.

Our neighborhood, Botany Woods, began a program in the past year called "Botany Woods Cares". One of our neighbors, Mrs. J, came up with the idea of getting the kids in the neighborhood involved in serving others and contributing to local charities. One Saturday every month the kids gather and sell hot cocoa, lemonade, or sometimes peach tea. Each Saturday when the kids arrive, every child gets to choose a charity they would like for the donations to benefit. They write the name of the charity on a slip of paper and put it into a "hat". Then, at the end of the morning, one charity is selected from the "hat" and all money donated that day goes to that particular charity. Our neighborhood gets a lot of traffic, so most days we were able to donate a couple hundred dollars! I love seeing how generous our neighbors and people in our community are and how willing they are to support our kids. I also enjoy seeing kids of all ages join together and work towards the same goal.

This summer Mrs. J called me on a Saturday morning just before we were heading out to sell lemonade. She went on to tell me about a dinner party she had attended with some friends that week. There was a man there that had driven through our neighborhood on several occasions and donated money to the kids for their charity of choice for that week. He went on to ask Mrs J. some questions about how the program worked. He then went on to ask her about a child he had noticed as he drove through each month. He described a boy who had shaggy hair and typically worked quietly "in the background". Mrs. J knew exactly who this was. She told him about O and that she knew our family. Evidently, O reminded this man of himself when he was growing up.

Here is where O's story begins. This kind man who O never met gave Mrs. J one hundred dollars for O to donate to a charity of his choice. Mrs. J then gave the money to me. Jami and I spent some time talking to O about how generous this man was and what an honor it should be for him to be able to give back in our community. We discussed some options of where he could donate the money. Some things we suggested were Miracle Hill, Safe Harbor, The Humane Society, Grace Church, and The Woodworkers Guild. The Woodworkers Guild makes toys for children at Christmas and also works with the Meyer Center. We tried to throw out some options that he may have an interest in and that would be special to him.

The next day, this is what he came up with. He decided, without a doubt, he wanted to donate the money to The Woodworkers Guild here in Greenville. Also, he wanted to donate it in honor of our neighbor, Mr. G. You see, Mr. G lives three houses down from us. Mr. G has a workshop in his garage that O loves to visit every chance he gets. Mr. G has invested many hours into O showing him about tools and how to build so many things made out of wood. Whenever O needs a scrap of wood for a project, he walks down to Mr. G's house to get what he needs. Mr. G always is thrilled to stop whatever he is doing to take the time to help O find what he needs and help him build whatever he needs. There has never been a time that he has turned O away because he was too busy. They have fine tuned several items that needed some TLC around our home, built birdhouses, and most recently completed a workbench that O had begun on his own. The most important thing though, is the friendship that Mr. G and O have built. They have a very special bond that most 9 year olds never have with an adult.

O and I contacted the Woodworkers Guild that day and told them that we had a donation we would like to make in honor of one of their members. Later that week, I drove O to give the money to the treasurer. Along with the money, O wrote a note to Mr. G thanking him for the time he had spent teaching him about working with wood and tools.

This past Monday, Jami and O went to a Woodworkers Guild meeting with Mr. G. I had known that Mr. G was going to read a letter to O about the donation he had made. Mr. G read his letter to all the members of the Guild. There were a couple hundred members there Monday night. After Mr. G read the letter, everyone stood up, turned towards O and clapped. I asked O if he was embarrassed and he said he wasn't... I know I would have been if everyone had turned and looked at me! Then, the treasurer asked if maybe there would be ten people that would be willing to match O's donation to carry on what O had started. Sure enough, as the evening went on a few people gave a hundred dollars, another gave four hundred, and by the time the meeting ended the total had grown to a thousand dollars. What the treasurer didn't know was that during the meeting a gentleman had handed O one hundred more dollars to donate in honor of himself. O proudly contributed along with so many other generous people that evening raising the grand total to $1,100!

The Woodworkers Guild theater will seat about 500 people.

Our family learned so much through this awesome opportunity. Our 9 year old got to see what happens when he works hard. He learned that his quiet personality and hard work ethic gets noticed. He learned how to serve others in our community. He learned how non-profits work and what a big difference one person can make.

I am thankful that God gave Jami and I this teaching moment to share with our kids. I hope that all three of them learned what it means to glorify God in all things we do. Sometimes the payoff for working hard and serving others will be obvious, as it was this time. Other times, we may feel like all of our hard work goes unnoticed. I am confident, however, that it never goes unnoticed in God's eyes!

Mr. G, N and O while working on O's workbench.

I am thankful for all the kind and generous people that made this opportunity available for O to "pay it forward". Also, I'm so very thankful for the friendship that has been "built" between O and Mr. G. I can't wait to see what they build next!

We are doing......good!

2011-09-10T07:27:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated in quite a while. I suppose it's because we are on cruise control right now. EJ continues with two therapy appointments every week. One appointment is with her fabulous occupational therapist that works with her on eating meals. The other therapy appointment is with a family/play therapist that works on social skills with EJ. It seems for the past 6 months or so everything we have been working on for years has paid off.

Here at home we have noticed an increase in food choices for EJ. She has added several foods that can actually be ordered off of a menu at a restaurant. I have LOVED listening to my sweet girl place her order at a restaurant and ask for it to be prepared exactly the way she likes her food. She ordered a grilled cheese at Fuddruckers like this......I would like the grilled cheese kids meal made on toast, not a bun, with the cheese just barely melted and the outside not burnt :). Then for pasta, this is her order.....I would like penne pasta with ONLY butter and parmesan cheese. EJ has also added cheese quesadilla to her expanding palate of foods.

During her eating therapy the goal has been to get EJ to the point of being able to find something to eat at just about anywhere we go to eat. Just to clarfy.....we don't go out to eat often, just about one time a week. BUT, for the past 8-10 years, eating out has been a nightmare. That is the reason this has been the focus of her eating therapy.

We are trying to work on adding any type of protein to EJ's diet. She has not begun to eat any meat, yet. And, she has not added peanut butter back into her meals. So, we are working on white beans currently. Get this, she willingly ate great northern beans and pinto beans the past two weeks during her session. Of course, it was smothered with butter and parmesan, but it is definitely a start! Yea EJ!

School is going wonderfully so far. We all started back up the second week of August. EJ and N are 6th graders at MRCA and O is in 3rd grade, also at MRCA. And, I am working at their school as an aide in K5 (and as their nurse when needed!). So, needless to say, it is wonderful for all four of us to be at the same school.

N is running on the cross country team with school. It warms my soul to be able to go out on runs with him. I love the opportunity it gives just the two of us to chat as we spend time together outdoors in nature. It's amazing how open our conversations are as we run side by side. What a blessing it is! I hope that he continues to love running as much as I do.

O continues to be passionate about his "home improvement" projects. He installed a sprinkler system in our garden this week and also began his Halloween decorating plans. This planning begins every year as soon as the first Halloween magazine comes in the mail. I've had to make the rule that The Mullikins DO NOT decorate before October 1st. Until then, I'm certain that he'll be thinking nonstop about what he will do this year to make our house as scary as possible :)
I have spent many hours in prayer regarding school for O for the current school year. We actually applied for him to go to AJ Whittenburg, which is a public school here in Greenville for engineering. He was 3rd on the waiting list all summer. My prayer was that God would make it clear to me where He wanted O in school for 3rd grade. Well, things fell in place that made it super clear where he should be. MRCA added a tutor that comes into the school a few days a week. O gets pulled out of the classroom 2 days a weeks for a little extra help with comprehension. He also has a super teacher that understands O and how he learns and is willing to work with Jami and I on creating the best environment for O to learn. So, there you go, God made this a clear answer for our family.

As for me......as of last week, I can finally lay down flat on my back without pain! WooHoo! My broken ribs have healed and I am ready to move full speed ahead toward some fall goals with running. I continue to have nerve pain from surgery 6 years ago, but thankfully it is only bad when there are drastic changes in the weather. Crazy, huh? My body can tell when there is getting ready to be much cooler/warmer weather. The kids think it's pretty cool, me...not so much. Oh well, it's become part of who I am and what make me mentally and emotionally stronger. However, I do believe that chronic pain has changed who I am as a person. Some changes for the better, and some for the worse. I am definitely much more appreciative of days when I feel great. But, on the days when I hurt, I am learning to stay on top of things mentally and override the pain and go on with my daily life. I'm not the type of person that likes anything to slow me down. Sometimes I ponder whether God would want me to use those "pain" days as days to "stop and smell the roses" in life. Who knows? The one thing I don't want is for my kids to look back at their childhood and have memories of mom being in pain and not being able to do certain things. This is the reason why I choose to press on, even on the days when I don't feel like it.

13th Anniversary at Greenbriar Farms with my hubby, brickoven pizzas, beer, and bluegrass :)

Made by EJ....

O celebrating summer birthdays with friends

The furry love of my life (all 17 lbs of him!)

Happy 11th!

Best food. Ever.

Overnight road trip

Birthday treat for O

Happy Birthday to my little guy!

EJ celebrating her birthday with friends at YoMo

Lunch with mom...

Our summer surprise, Piper and her kittens

So proud of my swimmers

Time at the lake with friends, check out Gus!

My middle schoolers

We are super excited as cool evening and crisp mornings are quickly approaching. Our family loves to spend time outside in the evenings after dinner playing football or going on walks. I've told Jami that the one thing I really want to do this fall is have another fall weekend in the mountains. I love the memories that we create as a family when we get away, especially during leaf season!

ENO

2011-07-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

What has been the most used item at our home this summer?

Without a doubt, it is our ENO hammock. It is occupied all hours of the day by at least one person in our home. I'd have to say that EJ gets the most use out of it. After waking up, she immediately grabs a book and is out on the back porch in the hammock reading away. She is easily out there for 5-6 hours a day!
N has also gotten into the habit of reading in the hammock in the afternoons.

And my personal favorite.....O and I love to lie in the ENO together during storms and listen to the rain. We have had some of our best talks while hanging out in the hammock.

Jami and I originally gave the hammock to EJ for Christmas this past year. I thought long and hard about what would be a gift that she could use and enjoy and would also be helpful with some of her sensory struggles. The reason this is SO perfect is that once you are in it, it hugs your body tightly and slightly swings. We have found that when EJ seems to be unraveling emotionally a tight hug helps to get her grounded again. Now, we are definitely not stopping the hugs from us, however the ENO provides this same "tight hug" she needs and loves. I would highly recommend this hammock to anyone, but especially to anyone who struggles with any type of sensory struggles. Best purchase ever, hands down!

http://www.eaglesnestoutfittersinc.com/

2 Months!!!!

2011-07-14T20:10:00.000-07:00

It is totally unacceptable that it has been 2 months since I last posted anything! Really, I've been on summer break from work, what could possible be occupying my every moment?

It's such a common misconception for me to have this long "to do list" for the summer when the pace is slower. The kids are home, no schedule, nowhere to be at a certain time, so what happens? It's now the middle of July and it seems like we are just now starting to enjoy our summer. It has taken about a month and a half of transitioning from the hectic school schedule to the lazy days of summer. But, as of this week, it seems like summer has finally arrived.

So far, our summer has consisted of 4 hours of daily swim practice between the 3 kids. Fortunately, we live close enough to the pool that I simply send the kids on their way and don't have to drive them there. Swim season ended last Saturday after 8 grueling hours in the heat. EJ, N, and O all improved over last season. EJ and N had to move up to a much more difficult age group swimming with the 11-12 year olds. This meant longer distances during practices and meets. But, they did it and improved their times from week to week. O also worked really hard this season and qualified as an alternate in back stroke for the Championship meet this Saturday. After spending so much time at the pool for the past 6 weeks, it was pretty obvious to me that EJ and N are in it for social reasons and O is all about the competition. Overall though, it was definitely fun for all of us again this year. I'm proud of all three of them for working so hard at practices and being committed to doing their very best.

My summer got off to a rough start that I am just now beginning to recover from. Go-karts.....it's all good and fun til someone gets hurt. That "someone" just happened to be me. Jami's work rented out a fun park for the day the beginning of June. Employees and their families got to enjoy a day filled with arcade games, batting cages, go-karts, mini golf, laser tag (my fav!), and yummy food. Unfortunately, I was involved in a crash on the go kart. I knew right away something wasn't right. It hurt to breathe, move, sneeze, cough, or basically do anything. Sunday morning I went to the doctor after not sleeping at all the night before. I had fractured a rib on my right side in 2 places. There is nothing that can be done for a broken rib.....NOTHING! I am now almost 5 weeks into the healing process and it is still miserably painful to lie down to sleep at night and sneeze. Thankfully, I can now breathe without pain. I'm hoping the end of this latest injury will be very soon.

In the past week, I have been able to begin walking again and slowly getting back into some form of an exercise routine. It's been really hard for me to slow down and not do anything at all! I'm confident God is teaching me a lesson through this experience. Also, of all places to be injured, the rib that was fractured was right in the same place where I have had chronic pain for 6 years now. I'm having a hard time understanding why my right side has taken such a beating over and over again. I've said lots of prayers that this injury won't make the pain any worse than it has been over the years.

Also this summer, we have been raising 4 adorable kittens. A stray kitty gave birth to these babies in our storage room the day after EJ and N's birthday. It has been a full time job taking care of momma kitty and her babies. They are now almost 7 weeks old and ready to go to permanent homes. We have homes for 2 of them and are looking for 2 more homes. I took Piper (momma kitty) to the vet yesterday to have her checked out and get her vaccinated and actually had a pre op done for surgery the end of the month so there will be NO more little Pipers. The tests came back negative for feline leukemia or HIV, so the vet says we have a healthy little momma. We are planning on keeping Piper as an outdoor cat. She seems to do a great job at hunting little animals and presenting them to us and her kittens. One morning there was actually a mouse in the basket with her kittens. She was so proud of her catch and wanted us all to see it. I had to look twice, thinking that it was actually a fifth kitten!

EJ is still working hard at eating meals. Tonight she actually admitted several times during dinner that she LIKED penne noodles with parmesan cheese and butter. Oh how happy that made my heart! Jami and I both had huge grins on our faces, but of course we couldn't let her know the reason why.......see, we are good at playing her game! Our goal with therapy this summer has been to get to the point that EJ can go to a restaurant and order something off the menu. We are getting really close to this goal. At this point, I can picture her ordering a quesadilla, a grilled cheese, a salad, or noodles. In the past, I would have never been able to imagine her eating anything from a menu. Slow and steady wins the race!

Next week, N will begin therapy for eating again with the same therapist that EJ sees. He has taken many steps back and is cutting out foods left and right. I honestly think that at this point, EJ is doing better than him with making the effort to try foods at meal time. So, without a doubt it's time for N to jump back into therapy. We are going to give it a shot of EJ and N doing therapy together once a week. We'll see how it works out. I'll keep everyone updated on how it goes.

That's all for tonight....it's way past my bedtime even though it is summertime. I will try to be more diligent on keeping up with posting about what is going on in the Mullikin home and hopefully add some pictures too!

Fresh Veggies!

2011-05-16T19:34:00.000-07:00

I am going on my 3rd week of a CSA through Greenbrier Farms in Easley. For those of you who are not familiar, each week I receive a bag of fresh veggies that I split with a friend. In addition, I also chose to get meats as well. This means a whole chicken, and about 2 lbs. of other meats as well. Basically, there are several different pick up locations in Greenville. My pick up place is only 3 minutes from our home. So, it is really simple to run out on Tuesdays and get our weekly food.

It is a mix of veggies depending on what is in season. Up to this time, it has been mixed salad greens, spinach, kale, swiss chard, green onion, and some yummy pesto and breads. I have been getting creative on what to do with our veggies each week. The first week I made kale chips which I thought were super yummy. I have done lots of salads with fresh strawberries. Actually, my family hasn't even noticed that I switched our old lettuce for a variety of mixed greens. No seems to notice, which is what I hoped would happen. So far, no one is venturing out too much beyond a salad. I'm great with that though. That is a lot further than we have been in the past. Most of our family members are great with salads at dinner. I'm trying to make trying new and different veggies fun. I'm actually trying some new ones myself. I had never even heard of dino kale or rainbow chard! The season I signed up for lasts a total of 10 weeks, we are 3 weeks into it and I am enjoying it each week. I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys fresh veggies and are willing to try a wide variety of foods.

I'm also doing lots of experimenting with the meats we get each week. The first week, I make a chicken pie out of the whole chicken. Also, I made something called lamb ragu with the ground lamb. Tacos make our list just about every week. I'm having fun being creative! The best thing is that I know where our food is coming from and that it is healthy for my family.

Daddy/Daughter Dance 2011

2011-05-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

For weeks EJ has been super excited about her date with her daddy. They went again this year to the daddy/daughter dance. She had decided what dress she was going to wear two days in advance. Now, to a girl this is not too far in advance. However, for her twin brother, he had a really hard time understanding why EJ and her friend were deciding which dress to wear so far before the dance (2 days!) Well, I made sure to have a long talk with N informing him of what it would be like before prom or even before his wedding one day. The girls would spend months picking out the perfect dress, so he should probably get used to it. He informed me that he was planning on wearing jeans and a t-shirt to his prom, no matter what the girl says. We'll see how that plan plays out!

Back to the prep for the dance....EJ and her friend up the street decided to take their daddies to IHOP before the dance. After an afternoon of nail paining, hair straightening, and a tad of make up they were ready for their big night. Honestly, EJ talked non-stop from the moment she got home from school that Friday until the moment she was in Jami's car on the way there. As a matter of fact, she was still talking non-stop when they got back home later that night. I think she had the time of her life. What more could she want? Her wonderful daddy, her best friends, the opportunity to wear make up, IHOP for dinner, and most of all, a chocolate fountain at the dance. These are the memories that she'll carry for life.

What I loved most about the entire experience? Well, the smile on her face was truly genuine. She was as happy as I'd seen her in a long time. And, you know what? The happiness was NOT all about the sweets she would be consuming. The happiness stemmed from deep in her heart. A love for her daddy and spending precious time with him. You'll see what I mean by looking at these pictures:

Spring Break

2011-05-16T18:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know. Spring break was about a month ago. I'm just now getting around to catching up about our fabulous beach trip. It was our first beach vacation as a family in a really long time. We went at a perfect time of the year.

Jami doesn't love the beach like the kids and I do. Really....he hates sunscreen, sand, and heat. BUT, the beach in April was very "doable" for him. The weather was perfect and everyone got to do a little of everything they enjoy. Jami didn't have to endure mid-summer heat and sunscreen. He had a great time documenting our trip with his photography skills. He actually sat on the beach with me, in the sand, and watched the kids play in the water at dusk! Now that is true love...

I spent some precious time with both my mom and dad. My mom and EJ spent time making "frog homes" in the sand with their feet. My dad and the boys spent endless hours fishing. I got the luxury of running every morning, then chilling on the beach with the kids. I was amazed how resilient the kids were to the frigidness of the water. As I was bundled with a coat and towel wrapped around my shivering self, the kids were carelessly frolicking through the water. I sat back and enjoyed watching them play for hours. They were so content with the simplicity of God's creation. Water and sand....

Thanks to my parents, Jami and I got to go out to dinner one night. We enjoyed dinner then, get this, going to an arcade. A real old-fashioned arcade....we had so much fun we took the kids there the next afternoon for them to enjoy it as well. I'm not sure who had more fun, us or the kids?

A real Venus Flytrap

Boys on the beach

My three cuties

Mom, Dad, N, O, and EJ

The "Frog House"

The highlight of N's beach trip

Endless hours of fun!

Jami's catch of the day

Biggest catch of the week, by my mom!

My husband may be a genius

2011-04-09T06:03:00.000-07:00

As I suspected we've had up and downs over the past 10 days or so. For the most part, EJ is still pushing ahead in her attempts to win her battle over food. We have been told over and over again that we'll take 3 steps forward, then 2 steps back. I think I'll take it, it's better than staying stagnant or falling back.

I find it really hard when we are cruising along with several good days, then hit a road block. Thankfully, EJ gets back in the game each time after a day or two of refusing to eat. Words can not really express how much more peaceful meals have been in our home. This, of course, overflows into the overall attitude of everyone.

Have I told you that my husband may just be a genius? Jami is the one who came up with our most recent reward/consequence system for eating. He had some suggestions from EJ's OT, but otherwise it was all him. I had my doubts when he first presented it to the family. It seemed really hard to keep up with and confusing. It turns out that is not the case at all. We all get it and understand it. What I like most about it is the immediate reward or immediate consequence (that can be gained back by eating the next meal offered). Jami and I have been consistent with sticking with the plan exactly. And, obviously it seems to be working for now. Once again, have I told you that my husband may be a genius?

Next week is our last week of school before a much needed spring break. We are heading to the beach for several days during the break. I am so excited to get away with our family and spend some time in one of my favorite places. We have not been to the beach as a family in 4-5 years, no wonder I'm so excited! The kiddos have big plans of playing in the sand AND swimming in the ocean. We'll see how that goes. I suspect the water will be super cold, but I'm pretty sure they'll try it out. N and O are planning on fishing with granddad. My dad grew up spending the summers at Carolina Beach in NC with his grandmother. He wanted our kids to experience a taste of what he did during the summers.

I can't wait to see how EJ has progressed with sensory struggles while at the beach. I recall several miserable beach trips when the twins were toddlers. EJ's skin was so sensitive to sunscreen. She hated the way the sand felt on her body. The ocean was too loud. I honestly can't imagine what it was like for her with all the sensory overload. I have a feeling she's come a long way. One of her favorite things to do at home is to sit in our front yard and play in the sand. Honestly, she could do it for hours. So, maybe, just maybe, she will be able to enjoy all the sand at the beach and play contently for hours.

We will spend time in the sand.....

Play in the water.....

Have lots of smiles....

Spend time with family....

Do some fishing....

Bask in the sun....

One of my favorite beach pictures

And....my slightly genius husband :)

STILL going strong!

2011-03-30T15:52:00.000-07:00

OK, my girl is absolutely rocking it with eating the past 2 weeks! EJ has not skipped out on a single meal for the past two weeks. She has conquered pizza, grilled cheese, quesadilla, ravioli, bacon, and several other "new" foods. It's almost like a light switch popped on inside her little body and she is more determined than ever to eat whatever is placed in front of her.

She has successfully earned back just about everything that had been temporarily taken away. She can now watch TV, listen to music, and jump on the trampoline. EJ has seemed much happier and acts like the weight of the world has been lifted off her shoulders. (And her mom feels the same!)

I am cherishing the peaceful meals we are eating as a family. Part of me wonders how long this will last....but for the time, I'm enjoying it! I know we will have more ups and downs in our future. But, for now all is good.

Mommy and her twins (several years ago!)

EJ is continuing to encourage her twin, N. He also has eaten everything we've served. They must be using their "super twin" power! I'm so proud of them both. Over the past two weeks, I have frequently found myself giving thanks to God for what He is doing in our family. This is easy to do when things are going well, so why can't I remember to give thanks when we are having struggles as well?

Mega determination

2011-03-19T05:28:00.000-07:00

Just a side note:
The previous post I wrote about two weeks ago and just now published it.

The past two days EJ has been on a roll. I don't think I've seen her so determined to gain back some privileges. She actually has named out the order of everything she wants to earn back. It is all planned out in her head. The list is about 10 things deep, the 10th thing that she wants back is TV. In her opinion, TV is not very important evidently. I'm OK with that.

I'm running through our week in my mind to see what may have led to this change in mind set. Wednesday, I took her to her weekly appointment with her family therapist. Once again, I reported "no change". I asked the same question to her therapist "what do we do now?" On the drive home from the appointment, I talked with EJ about how important it is to glorify God in EVERYTHING we do. This includes eating and taking care of our bodies. I asked her if she understood what I was saying and she said she did.

I also have shared with friends how EJ is having a really hard time currently and asked for prayers. It reminds me of the verse from Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them." Thank you to everyone that lifts EJ and our family up in your prayers.

Just so you know, this is what EJ ate Thursday and Friday for dinner. Thursday I made quesadillas, BBQ chicken for Jami, O, and I and cheese for EJ and N. EJ ate her dinner and N did not. Last night, I heated up some leftover lasagna and cooked some super yummy butternut squash ravioli from Trader Joes. I gave EJ and N the choice of which they would rather have. They chose the ravioli. EJ began to slowly taste hers and then she said, "wow mom, this really is kinda sweet just like you said it was." N was struggling to eat his dinner and getting upset. EJ did something that I could have never imagined. She began to encourage N and tell him she knew he could do it. Wow!!!! How amazing was it to hear EJ encourage her twin brother through the exact same thing she has struggled with for her entire life. Moments like those are truly priceless.

After dinner last night, it was like a weight had been lifted off of me and the rest of the family. The twins went outside and jumped on the trampoline (the trampoline was 3rd on the list of what EJ decided to earn back). O set up a baseball game in the front yard for Jami and I to play with him. Then, we went on a walk around the block with a nearly full moon shining down on us. What a great evening as a family for sure! And my Tarheels won (just had to throw that in there!).

I am hopeful that EJ will push through with her mega determination. Here in the Mullikin house, we are used to 2 steps forward, 3 steps back when it comes to eating struggles. But, maybe this time will be different and she'll continue to go forward without looking back.....

Not going so well

2011-03-19T05:01:00.000-07:00

Here is a brief update on where we are currently with EJ:

She is really struggling severely with eating. We have had a new reward/consequence system in place for eating for about 6 weeks now. Jami and one of her therapists developed the plan to take some of the pressure off of me. Each night at dinner I put the food that I have prepared on the kids' plates. For EJ, I have been only giving her 3-4 bites of food on her plate. This keeps her from becoming overwhelmed with anxiety about trying food. For the 1st week we did this "new" plan, she was very successful at eating the food on her plate. However, when she makes the choice to not eat, then she has a privilege taken away. As of today, she continues to have basically nothing to do besides homework and reading books. And you know what? It doesn't even seem to phase her. Jami and I are staying strong together on this. We are hopeful that as time goes by, she'll eventually cave in and decide to eat. Then, she will begin to earn back the privileges that have been temporarily taken away.

For me, or the average person, it seems so easy. To simply eat. When we are hungry, we eat. But for EJ, that connection seems to be missing. Her eating therapist told her last Thursday that if she didn't give up control over food and begin to eat, then it is possible that she will have to be hospitalized. I have come to realize that it will not be me who finally gets through to EJ how crucial it is for her health to eat foods. It will not be Jami. It will not be her therapist she sees on Wednesdays. It will not be her therapist she sees on Thursdays. It will not be her brothers, friends, or neighbors.

Only God working in EJ's heart and mind will help her gain control over her eating disorder. Definitely not me or anyone else she comes in contact with daily. I can do my part as her mom by preparing foods for her and having healthy food choices in the home. I can pray for her and encourage her. I can hug her and tell her that I love her when she chooses to eat or even when she chooses not to eat.

My prayers for EJ are beginning to shift from prayers of healing to prayers of God working through EJ and our family to reach out to others with similar situations. Sure, I would love for our family to eat a meal together. But I am beginning to realize that may be a selfish prayer. When I was focused on God healing EJ from her eating disorder, my hopes were in our family eating a meal peacefully together. And in reality, most of the reason I want us to eat a meal peacefully together is because it is what is "normal" and acceptable in society. Do you see where I am going with this being a selfish desire? But, there is also a large part of me that wants EJ to be healed because I want her to be healthy and continue to grow as a 10 year old should (this is slightly selfish, too!)

Music is the key to.....eating?

2011-02-28T19:10:00.000-08:00

About two weeks ago during one of EJ's therapy sessions, she was really struggling with getting up the nerve to try the foods they were working on. We were at another stopping point with progress and I really had no idea what to try next. Thank goodness for her great therapists that are willing to try all kinds of different things in order to help EJ overcome obstacles with eating. This particular Thursday, Mrs. N decided to play some Justin Bieber during the eating session to get EJ to relax and take her mind off of the plate of macaroni and cheese sitting in front of her. When I got there to pick her up she came bouncing up to me with an iphone in her hand with a video on it. The video was of her eating the serving (notice I didn't say BITE) of macaroni and cheese. Amazing! I was so proud both her and Mrs. N for working together to figure out something that would work.

I did try using music again at home two days after this session. EJ got hung up on tasting grilled cheese and tomato soup. After sitting at the table for 30 minutes, she was about to give up. I thought back to the music and decided to give it a spin. Sure enough, it took her mind off of the food in front of her and she was able to successfully take the bites of her lunch. Now, it wasn't Justin Bieber this time....but evidently Taylor Swift was good enough.

Then, there are times like this past weekend when things spiral out of control very quickly. Friday afternoon, I found a great coupon to a restaurant I'd been really wanting to try. So, Friday night we all decided to go there for dinner. It's hard to trace back in my mind where everything began to "go wrong". We walked into the restaurant and it was really crowded and there was a long line to place our order. This gave EJ too much time to over think what she was going to try for dinner. The boys had decided on cheese quesadillas. EJ had been working on quesadillas, so I suggested that she try that for dinner. However, she had already set her mind on trying tortilla chips with shredded white cheese. Jami and I (and her therapists) are working with her on ordering something off the menu instead of just tortilla chips. So, the meltdown began here when I took away her ability to decide for herself. This is one of the only times we've been out to dinner where her behavior has disrupted people around us. And, I'll have to say it was pretty bad. Needless to say, our dinner was ruined by the time we sat down and began to eat. EJ couldn't get herself together in order to eat anything. Her twin, N, was actually refusing to eat at this point as well. And our 8 year old son, O, was still "starving" after eating both his dinner and also EJ and N's food.

This "shut down" mode continued through the weekend and as of today she still has not snapped out of it. I did, in fact, try music again over the weekend. This time, it didn't help. So, we remain "stuck" for now.

And EJ, has to suffer the consequences of the choices she has made. We are confident that she is capable to taste the foods that we are asking her to eat. She is making the choice NOT to take a bite of the food. She is making the choice to be disrespectful to Jami and I when she talks back to us. She is making the choice to throw a tantrum in a restaurant because she is not getting the chips she wanted as her "dinner". Yes, I absolutely doubt myself at times about whether she is capable of eating foods. However, I think back to when she was at Remuda when she finally got the courage to taste food. I saw her do it. Just like I saw her in the video she was so excited to show me after therapy a couple of weeks ago. So, we feel there need to be consequences for her actions and choices that cause a problem for her or anyone else. As of today, she really has no privileges. She does have the opportunity to earn back things like TV, computer, music, or jumping on the trampoline by deciding to try the foods that she is given at meal and being respectful.

EJ and Jami enjoying their love of music together

Please pray for Jami and I to be strong as we guide EJ through her latest hang up with eating food. There are many times throughout the day that I'd love to give up on trying to help her eat. However, I guess it's the mom in me that just can't stop trying to help my little girl to be healthy now and for many years to come. It is really scary for me to watch the very small amount of food that she consumes and wonder if she is getting the nutrition that she needs to continue to grow as she is starting into her pre-adolescent years. This is where I know the best thing is to hand my worries and concerns over to God. It is hard to let go, though. All the "what ifs" continually pop into my mind. So, I have to picture in my head me letting go and what that looks like. What if I did completely turn EJ's eating disorder over to God? What if I let Him have full reign over it? What would this look like in our daily lives as a family?

Away we go!

2011-02-07T18:19:00.000-08:00

Jami and I had the opportunity to "get away" for the weekend. We spent the weekend at the Highland Lake Inn in Flat Rock, NC. Actually, Jami attended a leaders retreat through our church. I, on the other hand, kicked back and relaxed.

Yes, I could have chosen to attend the sessions, worship time, and fellowship. But, right now, I needed something else. I needed quiet time. I needed no distractions (AKA kids). I chose to go to bed early. I chose to run 5 miles in the cold rain. I chose to read my bible and finish a book I've been working on since Christmas. I chose to sit in a recliner with a fire in the fireplace for a few hours both days. I chose to drink lots of hot tea. I chose to spend some much needed time with my husband. I chose to do absolutely NOTHING. And, it was fabulous!

It was nuts trying to get the kids settled for the weekend on Friday and getting myself packed up as well. It took a couple of hours for me to wind down once we got to Flat Rock Friday night. But, Saturday was well worth the craziness to get away. And, the craziness set back in rather quickly after getting back Sunday afternoon. I'm thinking I'd like to do this again really soon...

I'm so thankful for our friends for taking such wonderful care of EJ, N, and O. EJ and N stayed with a neighbor and O went back over to our old neighborhood and stayed with some of our friends there. O was very hesitant and was trying to convince me to find someone to come stay at our house so he could sleep in his own bed. I'm proud of how he handled himself and made it through the weekend (away from his cozy little bed at home). I guess he's a lot like me in that he likes to go to bed early and loves his own bed!

I decided to add in this slightly dated picture of my goofy (but absolutely wonderful!) husband and my little O (who LOVES being at home in his own bed!)

Answers for our lil' O

2011-02-02T18:00:00.000-08:00

Today was a day filled with appointments, along with everything else I could possibly cram into one day.

Jami and I met with the eye doctor about our concerns regarding O's reading comprehension. After two thorough sessions of testing, she feels like he would benefit from several interventions. Yes, our O will be getting glasses.....and yes, he needs help with learning to read more efficiently in order to understand what he is reading. O struggles with comprehension, whether it is me reading to him or O reading to himself. The doctor strongly suggested that both glasses and therapy would be beneficial. However, I'm not sure that we are in a position currently to cover the therapy. We are looking into whether our health insurance would cover anything. I, as his mom, of course want what is best for him. I want all of my children to meet their fullest potential. Whether the struggle is eating or reading.

My mind constantly goes back to the thought of "what if". What if we didn't pursue therapy for EJ or seek help for O to reduce his frustration with reading? Would we be putting limits on their ability to succeed later in life?

Then, of course, I wonder if all parents have these similar situations. Really, is therapy "suggested" for just about everything these days?

I continue to walk the line on wavering whether pursuing therapy and treatment interferes with where my hope needs to lie, which is with God. I'm sure there is a happy medium, but I can't seem to figure out where that is. So, I will continue to pray, read scripture, and share with friends and family.

Oh, and about the glasses. I think O is secretly excited about getting glasses :)
EJ keeps telling him how lucky he is to get glasses and how she wants them SO badly. I told EJ I'd take her to Target to get her a pair for $1.....

And.....we had an enjoyable dinner tonight. I'll have to brag about this one. N and O have been begging for chicken wings. So, what comes into my inbox on my computer this afternoon? A coupon to Earth Fare for 1 lb. of chicken wings for FREE!!!! All I needed to do was spend $5, then I got $6 worth of wings for free. So, what's a girl to do? I bought carrots and celery (and a small bottle of water) to total $5, then the wings were absolutely FREE! My big boy (AKA Jami) and little boys were thrilled to get their wings they have been wanting. I also cooked up some shrimp wontons, so we had an "appetizer" dinner. EJ tasted the celery (with Nutella on it) and a taste of carrot. And you know what, we all 5 sat at the table with relatively no complaints on the food. We did what most families do, talked about our day.....

Where I've been

2011-02-01T17:21:00.001-08:00

Just when I thought I had made it through several difficult situations and things had calmed down, wow, was I wrong...in reality, I have felt lately that I am living in storm after storm after storm. I have had so much anger building up inside of me I couldn't hold it in any longer.

So, what am I to do? Well, basically I completely shut down. I shut out my family and held everything in to the best of my ability. I haven't wanted to talk about anything that has been going on. I basically wanted to be alone. But, that is the last thing that I needed to do. I know that the right thing would be to join in community with others. However, that would mean breaking down and sharing my deepest hurts and thoughts. And for me, that is hard. Real hard.

Nothing new is really going on in my life. Nothing big. Nothing different. Nothing crazy. Really, what I think is going on is that for a year or so now I've had hope. I've had hope in the wrong things. My hope has been in positive outcomes of many different things in my everyday life. Sometimes the positive outcomes are not what God has in mind at that time. At this point in my life, God is leading me down a long winding trail, not a short straight path. The more I think about it, I'm thankful for the long winding path I heading down. I'm learning how to let my pride go and turn everything over to God.

I think I've talked before about how I love to have control. I love routine. I love predictability. I love knowing what will happen next. However, I've been stripped of most of these things. It has set me into a whirlwind of trying how to figure out how to cope. I have a lot of work to do.

Through talking to Jami and some friends I am slowly (very slowly) learning how to communicate better. How is Jami supposed to know I need help with the kids if I don't ask him? How are my friends supposed to know my everyday struggles if I don't share with them? How is my family supposed to pray for me and support me if they don't know what issues I'm having a hard time with? Do you see where I'm going? I tend to keep everything bottled up inside of me and just deal with whatever the situation is. Sometimes, that means becoming a bit too controlling towards Jami or the kids. Sometimes, that means spending too much time cleaning the house. Sometimes, that means too much time on the computer or zoning out watching TV.

I'm trying to learn that it's actually better to face conflict and work things out, rather than gently avoid any confrontation. I'm such a non-confrontational person and have been that way my whole life. It's always seemed easier to me to try to figure problems out on my own to the best of my ability rather than expose my deepest feelings. I become vulnerable when I expose my deepest feelings. And yes, I may/will get hurt.

Like I said, there is nothing new in my life I am struggling with. My hope has just been in the wrong things.

EJ is back to where she was before Arizona with her eating.

N is refusing to eat also.

N is having some struggles at school.

Tomorrow I will find out why O is having such a difficult time with reading. He has had two appointments with an eye doctor in town and Jami and I are going tomorrow afternoon for the results.

Jami and I have been stressed out with several pending issues that have been lingering for quite a while. I really want closure on these things, like NOW.

I still have chronic pain, some good days and some not good. Yes, I still get angry that I have to hurt the way I do.

I think that the thing that hurts the most about all these things is that I've done absolutely nothing to bring any of these issues on myself. I've not made bad choices or decisions. These are just things that life has thrown my way. And I have a hard time "rolling" with it.

I've really spent time thinking about the message that was taught at church last week. The teacher talked about what our idols are. What our hope and faith are in.....
It got me thinking about what my idols are.
It's seriously like peeling back layers of an onion. It has me thinking really hard about what is standing in between myself and God. What are the barriers that are keeping me from pursuing God first? What kinds of things am I putting before seeking God?
Am I putting too much hope in EJ's weekly therapies? What would happen if I stopped seeking hope for EJ's future through her therapy and began to put all my hope in God alone?
I really struggle with this. Would EJ really be any better or worse off if she went to therapy or not? I don't know.

Is it possibly my "idol" to wish that I could prepare and cook a meal that my family will eat? I don't know the answer to that either. I have a lot of thinking to do I guess. I do consume a lot of my thoughts with the dream of what it would be like to simply cook a meal and everyone in my family to eat it and appreciate it. So, could that be an idol that stands between me and God?

I have lots of deep thoughts and issues to continue to work through as you can tell. My heart needs to be softened, as it is so hard right now.

EJ update

2010-12-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated on EJ in quite a while. I guess I have been in denial about how she is doing. EJ is struggling once again with eating. This is the worst that it has been since she came home last December. She has cut out most foods that she had been progressing with eating. Mealtimes are pretty much miserable right now.

I'm pretty sure that I know what is going on. We haven't been to "eating therapy" for about 3 weeks. The therapy center has moved to a new location, we will be starting back this Thursday afternoon with the same therapist she had been seeing. Hopefully, she will get back on track quickly.

Also, this is the hardest time of the year with regards to food. If you think about it, the entire time from Halloween until the New Year is all about the food (sweets especially!) For EJ, who struggles so badly with self control with these types of food, the results are not pretty. It is like a domino effect.....she's filling up with sweets etc. at school, friends' homes, church, therefore she is not eating food here at home.

I struggle with how to keep EJ accountable once she leaves home to go to school in the morning (or anytime she is not with me). Both Jami and I work, so we are not there to pop in and check on her. I really wish there was a way for me to know what she was doing at all times, but that is simply not possible. She is 10 years old and really starting to want independence. I want her to have the independence she wants as she is growing older, however, at this point I really feel like I need to be around her at all times to keep an eye on her eating. There has to be a balance somewhere, I just have to find it. I pray constantly for God to give me wisdom and guidance as I parent EJ. I also pray for EJ and for her to trust in God as he guides her on her path to a healthy life.

I am really looking forward to this last week of school being over. I can't wait to spend some time at home with the kids while I am off work and they are on their Christmas break. Hopefully we will spend lots of time playing games and simply enjoying each other.

Giving Thanks

2010-12-05T18:36:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving I spent quite a bit of time reflecting about all the many things I'm thankful for this year. I looked back on where our family was a year ago.

EJ was still at Remuda last Thanksgiving. I was busy arranging flights for her return to Greenville and lining up all the necessary appointments with dietitian's and counselors upon her discharge. Thank you, God, for the progress that EJ has made and guiding Jami and I as her parents. I'm thankful for EJ's teachers at church and school and her therapists that help her continue to make progress.

I am thankful for Jami's job. I am thankful for the stability that it provides for our family.

I am thankful for my job as a teacher aide at Mitchell Road. I truly love going to work each day and being surrounded by such wonderful people (and lots of K5 kiddos, too!).

Last week, I officially got my nursing license reinstated. During the craziness of last year, I let it lapse. Thanks to a friend who told me I was crazy to let it lapse, I worked hard over the past few months to do the work necessary to keep my license current. So, now I am a RN again! With that said, I'm not changing anything with work. I'm still working at the school in K5. But, it is a good idea to keep my license current. Thank you friend!!

I am thankful for my family. My parents. My brothers and their families. Jami's family.

I am blessed with wonderful friends. Friends that are willing to listen, laugh, and cry with me.

Thank you, Lord, for all the many blessings.

We went to Chapel Hill again this year for Thanksgiving. My parents once again went above and beyond to make everyone feel at home. Our family enjoyed four days of relaxing on the farm. Jami and the kids made a "four square" court on the parking pad. We had fun on Thanksgiving day playing four square with all the family. Evidently, the kids had played at church and school, but I had never played. It was a lot of fun! And, it was something that we could all do together. All we needed was a ball and duct tape for the court. Fun!

This week, my dad flew to California to bring my grand dad back to North Carolina. My grand dad has been living there in CA with his wife. However, his mind has taken a turn for the worse. He is struggling with his memory, which makes it very difficult to take care of himself and his wife on a daily basis. So, at the current time, he is living in with my parents in Chapel Hill until long term plans can be made. It has been very stressful for both my parents to get my grand dad back home to NC. I am praying that he will transition smoothly. I am also praying for my parents as they take on this responsibility of caring for him.

O and M, cousins and buddies!

Enjoying great food and a wonderful view

Love. Cousins.

Family. Love. Chocolate icing.

Family. Love. More chocolate icing.

Husband. Love. Chocolate icing.

Baby. Love.

Baby. Love. Again.

And again.

Mom and her youngest grandson

Ice cream! Best ever.

Friends.

In a week

2010-11-15T13:38:00.000-08:00

The Hope Relay race on Saturday was fabulous! I truly enjoyed every moment of it, from the actual running, to meeting new people, to helping raise money and awareness for such a great cause. My day began at 9:30 meeting my team downtown to ride together over to Paris Mountain. Our race time was 11:00, so I had quite a while to hang out at the top of the mountain before my descent quickly (or not so quickly) down the mountain. I ran the 2nd and 7th legs of the race. The 2nd leg took a bit of fancy footwork maneuvering the rocks and roots, but I really loved running the trails. I ran again about 2 1/2 hours later for the 7th leg of our race. This time I ran around Furman University for around 4 miles on the road, no trails this time around. Our team finished around 5:00 that afternoon in downtown Greenville.

Jami met me after the race (with NO kids!) and we got to hang out and listen to music at the after party for the race. Then, we got to go get dessert at Coffee Underground and sit and chat for awhile before returning to our little munchkins.

In my last post, I wrote about how important communication and oneness in God are in a marriage. Jami and I are indeed communicating much better. Not just a little better, but MUCH better. How amazing is it that when I actually communicate my needs to Jami, things happen. I have been overwhelmed at how he has stepped everything up a notch this past week. I told him I was overwhelmed with all my responsibilities. Now get this....Jami took some time off from work to stay with a sick child so I could go to the doctor. Jami helped the kids with homework. Jami cleaned the bathrooms. Jami blew the leaves off the lawn. Jami lined up childcare so that he and I could have some much needed "date" time on Saturday night. And these are just some of the ways that he has helped me over the past week. Progress is indeed being made!

I have felt over the past week that we are working together as partners, instead of individually. I love you babe, thanks for all your hard work!

Oneness

2010-11-11T06:58:00.000-08:00

I have lots of scattered thoughts about all types of different things right now. Some are good things and some areas that I am working on.

Over the past month, I've found a new love......boxing. Yes, I have been burnt out on my workout routine of running/swimming/biking/weights. I was ready for a change. I found out about www.9round.com through an email special for a trial month of unlimited visits. Why not? So, that's what I've been doing after work several days a week. I had no idea how much fun kicking and punching things could be and getting a great workout at the same time. Basically, it's a 30 minute circuit and you rotate through 9 different stations spending 3 minutes at each one. In between each station, you do some type of exercise like burpee's, wall sits, sprints, push-ups, etc. Honestly, it's the best 30 minute workout ever!

Something else, I'm looking forward to is the Hope Relay for Autism http://projecthope.publishpath.com/hope-relay on Saturday. I was placed on a team last week and will be running about 7 miles. It's a 42 mile race and the team consists of 5 runners. Each runner is assigned to run two legs of the race. I am running through Paris Mountain on the trails and then also around Furman University. This is the first race that I've participated in a long time, several years as a matter of fact. It's a great race for me to get back into running. What better cause than for Autism, which EJ struggles with each and every day. For me personally, running is emotional. Add in the reason that I'm running Saturday, and yes, it'll be a special day. As for our team name......."Naked Aggression". By the way, that was already the team name before I was added. And yes, I'm the only woman on this all male team. Can you say...awkward???? Oh well, it'll be fun!

So, those are the things that I've been enjoying over the past month. Now for the other stuff, AKA "life".

EJ has had a rather rough month. When EJ has a rough time, that also means that the rest of the family has a rough time. She has had some severe self control problems. It's gotten to the point that if she gets upset with someone, there is no thought processing. You know what happens? Whoever she is upset with either is slapped, kicked, or punched. Uhh...really? Yes, it happened numerous times last week. She slapped her best friend and kicked and hit both brothers. This is absolutely not acceptable under any circumstance. Immediately, she was sent to her room after each encounter to think about her behavior and for me to calm down as well and consider a consequence. After some time thinking in her room, well, I say thinking, but in reality there was a lot of banging, hitting, and throwing random things going on in there. She approached me with her reasoning about what was going on in her mind. She verbalized to me that she was unable to control herself if someone makes her mad. I was very glad to hear from her that she understood what was going on in her head, as wrong as it is for her to react in the way that she does. This will be something that we will continue to work on during her weekly therapy.

In the meantime....her friend and her brothers are afraid to be near her most of the time because they never know how she will react from one moment to the next. It seems like we walk around on eggshells not knowing when she'll erupt again. Really, we can't live like that in our home. It's just not a healthy way to go on from day to day. It totally disrupts our time as a family. It's very difficult to relax and enjoy each other. For me, it seems that I stay tense when I'm at home with the kids because it's just a matter of time before the next "eruption" will occur. I'm praying that I will be able to relax and enjoy time with the kids without worrying about what's coming next. Also, that God will provide me knowledge of how to handle these outbursts and tantrums in a way that is pleasing to Him and also peace for the rest of our family.

EJ's eating difficulties are still just that, difficult. Trust me, it's something that is still tough all day every day. But....this is our life. Every part of every day revolves around her eating disorder. Yes, slow progress has been made over the past year. But, then there are days where we fall way back again. There is also the obsession with junk foods that dominates her mind most of the day. It is especially hard this time of the year with the holidays. I have a hard time finding the balance on how much junk to allow her to consume in relation to the amount of "real" food that she is eating. Add on top of that, I have no idea what is happening while she is at school. I have no idea if she is sneaking food at school or having friends bring her food. This has happened in the past....so how am I supposed to know whether this is going on again or not. With all that said, I am simply trying to put my faith in God and handing my worries and fears over to Him. What can I do? I can try to go by my "gut feeling" on what may be going on when EJ is not within my site, but truly, she is not under MY control, she is under GOD'S control. I sometimes wish I could "control" everything and be by her side every moment of every day to see how she is doing. But, that is not my job as her mom. I think I'll leave that one up to Him....

Another big struggle I've been having....ONENESS.

Through my blog over the past couple of years, I've tried to be as transparent as possible. It is incredibly hard for me. So here I go on this one.

I have been struggling with feelings of anger, bitterness, and many other emotions that are not so good to hold so tightly. These feelings are overflowing into my marriage. I'm the type of person that let's things go and go and go until I finally have had it and everything comes out at once. This is what has been going on for a month or two now.

It's so hard to explain what I've been feeling. And I'm not saying that I'm justified in everything I'm feeling. I'm overwhelmed. I go through periods of time when it hits me all at once. Work, 3 kids, a child with Asperger's and an eating disorder, 3-4 therapy appointments every week, struggles with nerve pain daily, housework, grocery shopping, meal cooking, homework, yardwork.......it seriously goes on and on. I'm worn out physically and emotionally.

As you could imagine, where does time for my husband fall into all of this? It doesn't. That's the problem. He gets home from work at 6:30, we eat dinner, get the kids to bed, and then I'm done for the night. Sure, I'd love to stay up and fill him in on every event of the day or simply just sit with each other. But....this doesn't happen. At the present time, Jami is still doing freelance work in the evenings and on weekends to help make ends meet financially. And, let me make this clear.....I am so thankful that I have a husband who works so hard to provide for our family. But, something is missing. Actually, not just one thing. The first thing that is missing is God. He absolutely MUST be at the center of our relationship. The second thing that is missing is time. Time spent with each other.

Because these two things are lacking, our relationship with each other is not where it should be. There has been/is a distance between us. Without God at the center of our every day lives with each other, bitterness and anger grow very intense in my heart. My "fight or flight" self begins to take over. I slowly try to take on everything on my own. I stop asking for help from Jami. The reason I don't ask for help is because I don't want to be let down or disappointed when he say's "no", or can't do something I need him to do. This turns into more anger and resentment. Do you see how this can become an ongoing thing? That builds and builds until I can't take it any more. I become more independent (which isn't good for me because I'm already so independent).

While Jami and I were talking recently, I was having a hard time explaining how I felt about our relationship. Then it hit me, I realized that we were basically roommates, and that was it. Not husband and wife. But roommates. I guess it's a good thing that neither of us are OK and content with this place in our marriage. I think that I'm realizing that conflict may actually be a good thing. Conflict converts into us talking things out and not becoming sedentary in our relationship. If we stay silent and simply smooth issues over to keep peace, this is harmful to our marriage.

Jami and I are communicating better in some ways. We know that it is OK to have not so good feelings towards each other as long as we communicate and discuss these things with each other. Our priority has to be putting God at the center of our marriage. And everything else will fall into place? Let's hope so.

With all that said, I'm asking for prayers. Prayers for oneness. For Jami and I. For our marriage.

Halloween 2010

2010-11-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

In my opinion, Halloween is pretty much a worthless holiday...

It seems to be all about how much candy can be consumed and how scary a house can be decorated. Really? Enough of my complaining about it...as much as I despise the holiday, I'll have to say that at least 2 of my kiddos LOVE it. They each love it for different reasons. EJ, of course, is all about the candy (and her dad is too!). O, on the other hand, is all about the decorating. He begins to plan his decorations for the next Halloween on November 1st. I have gotten a kick out of watching him rearrange our yard daily for the past month. There have been days where I've gently reminded him that we may need to "neaten" our decorations up a bit. Overall though, I've let him decorate as his little heart desires.

On the other hand, my older son, N, would totally prefer that Halloween never happened. I think he despises it as much as his mom. He'd be perfectly content staying home on Halloween and handing candy out to the kids ringing the doorbell. A boy after my own heart on this one....

We went to the pool in our neighborhood for a hot dog dinner and hung out with long lost friends since swim team ended in July. The kids were all dressed up in costumes eagerly awaiting dusk to begin their quest for candy.

Jami drove the caravan of military kiddos, there were about 5-6 of them total. All three of our were "army" people. EJ was supposedly an army sweetie... and the boys were soldiers of some type, still not quite sure. It was a fun night spending time with neighbors and friends and watching the kids have the time of their life. We were told repeatedly by our 3 kids and several others that they like "doing Halloween Mullikin style".

Mountain fun

2010-11-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

OK, so I said that I'd do better at updating more often. Well, then life seems to always override my good intentions. So, like I mentioned before, we got to go to the mountains as a family in October. One of my favorite months to one of my favorite places.

Thanks SO much to the West family for lending us their mountain house at Beech Mountain. We loved the ride up the mountain getting to our final destination for the weekend. Well, not all of our ride up there....we left Greenville at 5:00 on Friday afternoon and didn't get there until about 10:00 that night. We were stuck on I-26 near Asheville for nearly 2 hours. There were about a dozen fires that were on the side of the highway and traffic was completely stopped. So, everyone cut their engines off and we sat, and sat, and sat. Unfortunately, it was dinner time AND we had a girl with us that had to use the potty. Not a good combo, add in a bunch of freaks roaming up and down the highway asking for food, need I say any more????

Once we finally arrived, it was well worth the trip. The weekend was gorgeous! Carolina blue skies and beautiful leaves surrounded us on top of the mountain. Add in some awesome deer sightings, cool birds, and great company, and there you have it.

Saturday morning, we chilled at the house and had coffee and breakfast. The kids were all very eager to get out and go exploring. They walked through the woods around the house and saw the first deer of the weekend down at a nearby stream. They crunched through the leaves all over the ground and played games to see who could catch a falling leaf first (way to go EJ!!!) We headed to Fred's for an early lunch. Amazingly, all five of us found something that was appealing to eat. Jami had a steak and cheese sandwich, I had some delicious chili, N had a grilled cheese, O had nachos, and EJ had a monstrous cinnamon roll and a root beer. Now, in our family, this RARELY happens that everyone is content with their food selections. But, on this day, we were all smiles!

Next, we drove up to Grandfather mountain to spend the afternoon. Ummm...I should clarify, everyone in the immediate area drove to Grandfather mountain for the afternoon. We sat in the line to get into the park for about 1 1/2 hours. I'd say overall everyone handled the wait rather well. We opened the sun roof and tried to see who could catch leaves that were falling above us. No one caught one this time around, but we had fun trying anyway. In my time at ASU, I actually never went into Grandfather mountain. I did hike the profile trail from the bottom, but never went up to the swinging bridge for the full experience. First, we stopped to see the wildlife there in the park, Then, we enjoyed some super yummy fudge, who knew, cookies and cream fudge!!! Yum! Next, we drove to the top to walk across the "mile high swinging bridge". We all made it across with pretty much no hesitation on anyone's part.

We also decided to drive down the mountain some and hike a short trail to the bridge. The kids really seem to enjoy hiking and in fact, they have told me that it is one of their favorite things to do as a family. I totally agree 100%!

We ate spaghetti back at the cabin and played some scrabble that night. We simply enjoyed spending some time together as a family away from all the everyday distractions of home. I love getaways, even if it's just for 2 days. I'll have to say though, it was NOT long enough.

Sunday, we went back to Fred's and then on to Blowing Rock for the day. Blowing Rock was a lot of fun. We hung out in the park, walked around, ate lunch outside, and enjoyed the beauty of the mountains. The parkway led us back to Greenville later that afternoon. It took a bit longer to get home, but it was worth the great sites on such a clear fall day.

I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to get away for this weekend. Thanks to the West family for the great place to stay, for Jami lining up everything for us to go, and most of all, to God for the absolute perfect time away with my family. It could have easily been "ruined" by the awful back up on the interstate or the waiting to get into the park on Saturday. But, I'm thankful that God gave me a patient and peaceful heart so that I could relax and enjoy this time with the family He has given me. Oh, how truly I am blessed in so many ways....

Trials and Errors

2010-10-12T18:17:00.000-07:00

I'd love to post some pictures of some changes that I've been working on here around our home. Ugh! My camera has finally decided it was time to go....and the camera on my phone, well, I can't quite figure out how to download the pictures to my computer then onto here. Christmas is only two and a half months away, right Jami!

Until then, I'll just have to do the best I can. So, here are the changes going on here on the home front. Let's just say, I got fed up with two 10 year olds and an 8 year old who couldn't seem to remember to do much of anything around the house. Anywhere from simple things like, well, flushing the toilet! To everyday tasks such as caring for pets, taking out the trash, making beds, and preparing lunches for school. These are all things that I KNOW for sure that they are capable of doing, it's just trying to figure out how to motivate them to do these things without me constantly asking/reminding them to do them. In my opinion, our kids should pull their share of chores around the house. Hey, they live here too!

So.....I "temporarily" made signs and placed them throughout the house. Each sign has reminders of what they need to do in that specific room in the house. In the kitchen, I have a sign that reminds them to put away anything they pull out for a snack or when packing lunches. In the bathroom, unfortunately, there is a sign that reminds them the flush the toilet and wash their hands. Hopefully, very soon this one will get to come down! N has told me that it's really embarrassing when his friends come over. There is the motivation...once they show me that they can remember what to do throughout the day in the home, I will take the signs down. However, until then, the signs are here to stay.

Each morning before the kids can come into the kitchen for breakfast they need to go through a check list at the end of the hallway. On this list, it has all the chores that should have been completed. Some of these things are making beds, folding and putting PJ's away, brushing teeth and hair, etc. Once these things are done, they can flip their sign to the side that says "DONE". This means that they can now come into the kitchen for a yummy breakfast before school.

Finally, at the end of the day, I have a magnet board outside of my bedroom with each of their names listed. IF they did all their chores throughout the day without me reminding them, they get to put a magnet by their name for that day. Each day they have a magnet, they get $1, with the opportunity to get up to $5 (we are taking the weekends off for right now). Also, they have the chance to earn an extra $1 if I catch them doing something above and beyond what is expected.

This is our second week doing the charts and rewards. Guess what? So far, it's working really well. I'm not hovering over them at shower time telling them what they need to do. You know why? There is a list of exactly what they need to do at shower time to get ready for bed. All they have to do is look at the list to remember what to do to get ready for bed. Last week, two kids earned $4 and one of them earned $6. So, I'd call that a pretty good start.

Oh, and to help with the bed making, all I have to do is remind the boys that if they are truly interested in the military, they need to make their beds a "10". So far, we've had a 9.5 as the highest score from N. For some reason, this motivates them and they do a great job. And for EJ, she already does a fantastic job at making her bed~

My goal in doing this is to help each of the kids to become more responsible and take some ownership in our family. I want them to each feel like they are contributing in our family by helping take care of Patch and Oliver, taking out garbage, and everyday chores. I'll have to admit, this is kind of hard on me. It is EASIER to simply do the tasks myself. But, I'm slowly learning that doing their chores for them does nothing to help them become more responsible in the long run. Hopefully, I'm preparing them for the responsibilities that they will encounter as they get older and they will become more independent.

My new favorite thing

2010-10-02T17:59:00.000-07:00

Today was cleaning day here at the Mullikin house. The dreaded, once every two weeks, cleaning day. So, what could help motivate me to get the task done?

Well, along the same lines of my recent medication thoughts, I decided to "simplify" my cleaning as well. So, off I went to the store to get some "simplified" cleaning supplies. I chose to try out Mrs. Meyers Clean Day products. Oh my, oh my! My house now smells delightful with the scent of lavender throughout. Plus, no more of that awful "chemical" smell. Maybe I won't dread cleaning day again 2 weeks from now.

When I was showing the kids what I got at the store, O saw the label and said "hey, that's what grandma uses to clean her house too!" Yes, he's exactly right. He made the comment earlier this week that I was becoming a lot like his "grandma from the farm". Um, hello, that is MY mom! Too funny that he picked up on those things!

One year later

2010-09-29T18:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I write this, EJ is happily lying in bed next to me watching "The Middle" on TV. On this evening last year things were very different. EJ was in Arizona in a house with several other girls she had never met. This was her very first night of the beginning of her recovery from an eating disorder. While she was getting used to her new surroundings at Remuda Ranch, Jami and I were numb from the overwhelming emotions of the day we had waited so long to come.

I'll never forget lying in the motel room in the middle of the Arizona desert bawling my eyes out thinking of my little girl just a few miles down the road, alone, without us. And, she would be there for the next 60 days. I wasn't able to talk, period. Not to Jami, not to my family, not to friends who had the boys back home in Greenville. It seemed like time was standing still that afternoon and evening. It was a feeling I will never forget. Jami and I were too exhausted emotionally and physically to eat, watch TV, or talk. We simply held each other and cried.

Somehow, we made it through that night. I shouldn't say somehow I guess, I know how we made it through. We made it through with strength and peace from our Heavenly Father. We felt the prayers that so many were sending our way. The support we had from friends, family, neighbors, and strangers was absolutely unbelievable, and that was part of what helped us through that very dark day.

We made it through the next day as well, when we had to go back over to the Ranch to meet with EJ's treatment team. Honestly, I tried to not look around for EJ. I didn't want to go through again what we had been through the day before. We had already said our good-byes. I was thinking back on this particular night last week. Jami and I drove to Scottsdale that night after our meetings. Our friends, the Balls, put us up in an awesome Marriott (the Camelback Inn) there in Scottsdale before our flight the next morning. Strangely enough, that night was one of the best dates that I've ever had with my husband. We were emotionally drained, yet still able to enjoy a night alone at this fabulous resort. We dined outside listening to a band, with mountains in the background. We laughed, cried, and simply enjoyed each other. That night seemed to be a turning point. Lots of worries, concerns, and fears were left behind, and we turned EJ's care over to God. We had the confidence that God had perfectly orchestrated everything from the timing, the staff that was going to be treating her, and the relationships she would be forming with the other girls.

Honestly, the next couple of months were a complete blur. Certain things jump out in my mind, like EJ missing Halloween with our family and friends and her missing my favorite holiday (Thanksgiving) with us. I also remember so clearly the times that I would walk down the hallway past her room and her not be there. I still opened her blinds every morning and shut them every night, just like I did when she was at home. I remember waiting three long days to speak to her on the phone that first time. Then, looking forward to every chance I had to hear her voice over the next two months.

Last year, it seems like the season of Fall never really happened. EJ left the end of September and returned December 1st. Usually Fall is my favorite season. I'll have to say, last year I don't remember much of it. We are making sure that we do all the "fun Fall activities" this year to make up for lost time. We've already picked apples and we're hopefully making a trip to the mountains in October. Then, we are very much looking forward to Thanksgiving with the rest of our family. And best of all, the FIVE of us will be together this season.

Many changes have taken place over the past year. EJ is maturing in many ways. She is quickly becoming a "pre-teen", and unfortunately the attitude that goes with it some days. EJ is loving 5th grade and has three fabulous teachers. She is doing great with her grades and has improved drastically in her math skills from last year. Thank goodness! Her afternoons are spent doing homework, making her own lunch for school, and spending tons of time with her best friend, K. EJ's favorite things to do are singing and drawing with her daddy.

EJ has become much more willing to try new foods at therapy. She will try most anything that Miss Nicki offers. Lately, it's been grilled cheese and cheese quesadilla. Our biggest challenge right now is bringing that same willing attitude into our home. As for medication, EJ is taking an appetite stimulant at night (also works on helping with her sleep!), a multivitamin, vit B6, and magnesium. This seems to be working better than other medications to manage some of EJ's challenges with the sypmtoms of ADHD or Asperger's. Like I mentioned earlier this week, in my opinion, the less meds we pump into our bodies, the better~

Lastly, let me just say how proud I am of EJ. She has worked very hard over the past year and overcome many fears, concerns, and anxieties. EJ - I love you and am so proud to be your mommy! Continue to put all your fears into God's BIG hands and he'll take care of you. Look how far you've come on your road to a healthy life.

Just a bit of misery

2010-09-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

Oh, I've been so terrible about posting lately. I suppose that could indicate good things, like not much excitement going on in our household. I'm going to start writing more frequently, so be on the lookout for lots of boring info. Basically, I'll update for my benefit to look back on these days years down the road.

I have written about my chronic pain in prior posts. This is what my most recent thoughts are.....I have decided to stop taking anything at all for my pain in my side. I have been taking medicine off and on for 5 years for the pain. Most recently, I was taking a non-narcotic medicine. My family doctor prescribed it to me telling me that it was non-narcotic and a "safe" pain medication. During the past couple of weeks, something started gnawing at me telling me that I should try to not take anything any longer for the pain. I don't really know what made me decide to stop taking anything. I think the main reason is that I don't want my body to become dependent on anything. I've seen so many people mess up their lives with alcohol and medications (prescription and non-prescription). I don't want to be one of these people. Not that I am anywhere near dependent on the medication....I just feel that with God's strength I can be mentally strong enough to stay on top of the pain. I don't like the thought of medication altering who I am as a wife and mother in my family.

So, with all that said, coming off of the medication has been pretty much miserable. Now, that makes me wonder how safe this medication really was for my body. For several days, I have had flu-like symptoms, fever, and not much sleep. I was not prepared for this when I mentally committed to not taking anything. I've been doing lots of praying while I lay awake at night. I've been asking God to give me the strength to make it through the next week or two until all this medication is out of my system. Jami has been very supportive and has been going above and beyond to help with the kids. Pretty much all I've been able to do all weekend is lie flat and wait for time to pass until I begin to feel better. AND, on top of all this, I have a nasty cold. There will be days when I am hurting badly, especially when the weather changes drastically in a short period of time. Like, ahem, today. Hello, 90 degrees to the 60's is pretty drastic and my body is not liking it. This is a true test of how strong I can be with the misery of coming off the medication, a cold, and the severe weather change. I remind myself often that "this too shall pass". I've been quoting EJ's favorite verse from Philippians "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength".

Even though I've spent the majority of the weekend resting, I did get to get out and enjoy spending time with some special people. Friday, Jami and I took the kids to Sky Top orchards in Flat Rock to pick apples. This was something that EJ didn't get to do last year, so I really wanted us all to go as a family. It was a lot of fun picking apples from the trees, eating warm cinnamon doughnuts, and drinking apple cider slushes (oh, I can't forget the caramel apple that EJ indulged in!). Saturday morning, my awesome Atlanta friend Kim came through Greenville while traveling. I took the kids with me and met Kim, her mom, and her "tiny baby twins" (as O calls them). Actually, the twins are not tiny babies anymore, they are now 14 months and on the move. Oh, the memories! We enjoyed visiting and catching up on our busy lives for a while and she was on her way back to Hotlanta.

Three days from now will be a year from when Jami and I flew EJ to Remuda Ranch. I will update on my thoughts in the next few days. It's pretty emotional for me as I reflect where we were a year ago and where we are now.

The Three Little Pigs

2010-09-27T11:02:00.001-07:00

Last week O came home from school with some scripts and masks to act out The Three Little Pigs. Some neighbors came over and helped O and EJ make a "brick house", a "straw house", and a "tee pee house????". Then they held the masks over their faces and acted out the play. N wanted nothing to do with any of this! Oh, and check out EJ, what kind of farmer is she?

O even went as far to set up a camcorder to record them acting it out. Of course, when it was time to do the play, a certain little girl that lives in our home had a melt down. But it was fun while it lasted.

O has never shown an interest in reading like my the twins. EJ and N were full force into reading when they were in K5. Now as time has gone on, they are great readers and enjoy reading in their down time. On the other hand, I struggle to get O to read anything! Sure he'll look at pictures in a "how to build" book, but has NO interest in any of the series that most 2nd graders would love. I try to read books to him, but he loses interest immediately. I'll have to say though, that I am the same way. I have no attention span for listening to someone read anything to me. I do, however, love reading!

So....when O came home so excited last week to read these scripts and act this play out, let's just say his teacher and I were thrilled. Maybe I need to do things a little less conventionally with O to help him along with reading. Thank goodness his awesome teacher is committed to finding ways to make reading fun for O.

Prayer for friends

2010-09-08T18:36:00.000-07:00

Thankfully I've not had too much to write about lately with our family. I guess that means that for the time being things are fairly "normal" here. Yea! Work is great for both Jami and I, Jami is doing some freelance work for some extra income. This is definitely helping us play catch up on bills from when he was "self unemployed". We have a long ways to go, but we have a plan and are sticking to a budget pretty darn good if I say so myself. I am enjoying going into work each and every day and hanging out with K5 kiddos and the teachers at MRCA. I really can't say enough how much I enjoy the work environment at the school.

EJ is continuing to be on a roll with her nutella sandwiches. She is loving them and packing them every day for lunch. Yesterday during therapy, she tasted hamburger meat with some tortilla chips. This was the first cooked food/meat that she has tried since Remuda. Her therapist said they will try the same thing again next week. I'm still not pushing things at home at meal time. I'm preparing whatever my heart desires and just make sure there is at least one thing on the table that EJ and N will eat. No pressure on me or on them...that's what seems to work best for our family. It possibly would drive many people crazy, but not us, we are just thankful for how far we've come!

N is also making slow progress with his eating. He got invited to a birthday party last week at a local Japanese restaurant. His therapist and I told him that he could do it.....we instructed him on what to order and he made it through the dinner just fine. He ordered a side of chicken and ate about 4 pieces, no rice or veggies. He seemed to enjoy being there with friends and hopefully the food thing wasn't a huge deal for him. I know that both he and EJ will be facing more and more of these social situations as they are getting closer to their teen years. Practice makes perfect, and growing up helps some too!

O is doing great at school and is in class with some of his great friends. He tells me that he hates school, but I know the truth....he secretly really likes it. He has to work at it a little harder than the twins, but he still does awesome with his work. He is so gifted in lots of areas in his life and I pray that he uses those gifts in ways that honor God and serve others. That is my prayer for all 3 kids.....

This past week was a tough week for a couple of really close friends. One of my friends left her husband and kids for 90 days for rehab. I honestly can't imagine not being with my kids for 3 months, she had never been away for more than 3 days. I am praying that God works in her heart and begins to heal her from the awful disease of alcoholism. I am also praying for her husband and kids as they are going on with their everyday life without their wife and mom during this short period of time. She is a strong gal with lots to work towards and I am confident that she'll return home soon with the skills that she needs to live the rest of her life in a way that is pleasing to God.

Another close friend lost her dad this past weekend after a fairly short battle with cancer. Thankfully, all the family got to see him and spend time with him over the past few months. Memories and good-byes were shared and many tears shed. He will be missed greatly....I enjoyed hearing about his accomplishments during the service today. Wow, he was quite a man. He served many people during his service in the Army and also at a college here in SC. I am lifting up my friend and her family in prayers as they go through this time of grieving and remembering.

I am reminded often of how much I have been blessed with. Not only material possessions like a home, car, and food, but also family, friends, and so many people who truly care. I have a loving husband, 3 healthy kids, a grandparent, both parents, and 2 brothers and their families (and great in-laws too!!). Life is TRULY good. Thank you God.

The rat race begins

2010-08-22T14:35:00.000-07:00

I started my new job two weeks ago at Mitchell Road Christian Academy (MRCA). I am an aide in one of the K5 classes. The first week was orientation and training, so it was a lot (A LOT) of sitting and listening. The teachers and staff were trained during that week about managing the classroom with a "Love and Logic" approach. A lot of what I learned I can easily see overflowing into our home life.

Last week was a bit crazy with EJ starting school at Lake Forest on Monday, N had a half day Monday, and O did not have school at all. Talk about confusing!! Then Tuesday, O had a half day and N didn't have school. Finally, Wednesday, all three of my youngsters were in school for the full day. Thursday, my K5 kids began class. So, yes, we were thrown into our new norm.

I'll start with how EJ is doing....

She had a terrific start to 5th grade this week. She seems to enjoy her teachers and has several of the same kids in her class from 4th grade. A couple of weeks ago, I met with some of the staff at LFE and her teachers to develop a 504 plan for this school year. After meeting with them, we all agreed that an IEP would be the best route to take. Hopefully we'll get the IEP written out fully soon so that EJ can get any assistance that she needs to reach her fullest potential. EJ had homework on Wednesday. She did a great job at getting the assignment written down in her journal, BUT didn't bring home her books to complete her work. This is something that we battled a lot last year with her. For the time being, I handled it by telling her she couldn't play with friends in the neighborhood until she got her homework done. I asked her to think of solutions so that she could get her work done. She called a boy from her class and we went and borrowed his math book. Finally, that evening at 6:00, she had her homework done so she could play. Maybe this was a learning experience and her forgetting her books will not be as frequent this school year.

EJ is SO excited to be a news anchor on the school TV. She goes to school early two days a week to work on her script and then she's on the TV on Monday mornings. She loves talking in front of people and has an excellent "speaking voice", so this is perfect for her.

Eating is continuing to go well for EJ (never thought I'd say that!) She is even asking me if she can pack TWO sandwiches for lunch at school. Personally, I think that's absolutely amazing! Now that we have bread under our belt, we can begin to add to that and do more variations on sandwiches. Her confidence is growing as she begins to eat a wider variety of foods. I love to see her becoming more confident in herself as she is entering her preteen years. Tuesdays are her therapy day. She goes to her counselor at 2:00, then to eating therapy at 5:00. So, Tuesdays are a busy day, but I think I'll like having everything done in one day (N goes to eating therapy at 4:00 on Tuesdays).

N is adjusting great in 5th grade at MRCA. He is loving being in "middle school" and being reunited with a lot of her great friends. As for O, he's cruisin' along as a 2nd grader with a wonderful teacher and a class full of his best buddies. O thinks he's all that because his mom works at his school. Not so much for N, I think he's starting to be more hesitant about me being around and knowing what goes on all the time. HaHa!

Now for my class, I've loved meeting the 17 kids that are in K5 this year and their parents. I'm enjoying helping out in the classroom and being involved more at the school. On top of that, I get to work along with a wonderful new teacher to MRCA. She has taught 2nd grade for several years at a local school and then transitioned this year over to K5 at MRCA. Just after meeting her two weeks ago, I see a lot of similarities between myself and her. Our personalities seem to mesh well together and I enjoy being around her. She is very talented at teaching and is a wonderful addition to MRCA. Welcome Ashley!

Well, I felt like I had a lot to update with school starting. As you can tell after reading, I think our life as a family currently is the most "normal" that it's been since I can remember. Every day as I pray, I thank God for how He is working in the lives of of family. I never thought the day would come where we would be where we are now with EJ and her eating. I know that it's only because of God and His perfect timing. NOT because of things Jami and I have done, not because of things her counselor and therapists have done, and not because of treatment at Remuda Ranch. Some of these things may have helped the progress she has made, but ultimately God alone is responsible, and I have to say I am so thankful.

I'm adding several random pictures:

This was almost exactly a year ago. EJ's class at church gathered in a circle and prayed for her as she was preparing to go to Remuda Ranch

This is a super cheesy pic taken on my mac, BUT it's a reminder of special things to come. Jami and I are getting away next weekend with some friends (NO kids!)

OK, so I can't figure out how to rotate this right now, but this is EJ at the wedding of a VERY special friend and teacher at LFE a couple of weeks ago.

Sorry about the sideways view again, here is O being his super silly self

Have family, will travel

2010-08-11T15:53:00.001-07:00

I had a longing desire to escape Greenville for a short amount of time. There was no beach trip this summer (or any other trip for that matter). So....we did something just as good, maybe better. We visited family.

While Jami was hard at work last week, I packed up the kids and we were off to Florence (SC, that is) for our first stop. My brother and his wife and their two adorable kids welcomed us into their home for several days. My niece, M, is 3 years old and their baby, C, is 2 months old, so they are in that busy stage of life with little ones. Our first night there, we went to see the Florence Red Wolves baseball game. I'll have to say that M is possibly the cutest 3 year old on the planet. She has beautiful long wavy strawberry blond/red hair, and an awesome personality to go with it. And she does a mean chicken dance at baseball games.

Sunday, we went swimming at the golf club where John works and lounged by the pool. Baby C, chilled out the entire time. Then, John had the day off on Monday, so we ventured to Myrtle Beach so that the kids could spend a little time at the ocean playing in the sand and water with their cousin. Fun was had my all. I did forget though, that traveling with little ones is much different than the stage that we are at with ours. Whew, it's a production to get around. But, it is SO worth every minute of it!

Tuesday, we headed north to Chapel Hill to visit family in NC. My 88 year old granddad is visiting my parents from California for a little while. This was a great chance to see him and for him to see me and his great-grandkids. There's always a little drama when he's around, but overall we enjoyed our visit with him. As I was packing to leave on Thursday, EJ informed me that she would love to stay in Chapel Hill for "grandma camp". Sounds good to me, so she stayed and will be picked up in Charlotte tomorrow. "Grandma Camp" consists of chores on the farm, working in the garden, helping in the kitchen with food, and most of all, spending lots of QT with grandma (and granddad!!).

I talked with EJ on the phone a couple nights ago before bed and she told me that she wasn't feeling well. Her tummy was hurting and I could tell that she was starting to get upset. Home sickness???? That's never really happened before. Not even really when she was gone for 2 months to Arizona. Evidently that was the case, the next morning she was doing better. She decided to stay for the duration of "grandma camp" so she could go visit some close friends of hers tomorrow, the lemurs, her very favorite animal ever! Somehow my mom heard of a lemur exhibit near Chapel Hill and is taking EJ to visit the animals. EJ is beside herself because she is so excited. I can't wait to hear all about it!

Jami and I both realized this week that it brings back all kind of memories when EJ is not here. We are reminded all too easily of when she was gone from us for so long. So, in a way, this week has been hard. I just have to remind myself that she is only one state away and is in great hands with my parents. And, she is working on her eating while she is there as well. They have gone to the local market and EJ has chosen some fresh foods that she would like to try. I'm sure I'll get more details later, but I do know that she has eaten several new fruits and cheeses.

N and Baby C, awww so sweet!

Chillin at the pool

See what I mean about the gorgeous locks

My two sons

EJ with a BIG grin

Uncle John and M livin it up in the sand

Hanging out with the CH cousins

A Sandwich!

2010-07-28T13:25:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned how pleased I am with how EJ is doing at her new therapy place. I'm continuing to see small progress after each of her appointments. She is carrying over what she is learning at ATS and applying it at home. She continues to be excited to go to see Nikki every week.

Yesterday when I picked her up from her appointment, I talked with EJ and Nikki about the different food that she tried. Much to my shock and surprise, EJ ate a sandwich. Hello, my girl doesn't eat bread. How in the world did she eat a sandwich?

Nikki has been working with her on trying different sources of protein and found that EJ liked Nutella. For those of you who are not familiar with Nutella, it's a hazelnut/chocolate spread about the same consistency as peanut butter. I actually tried if for the first time on our honey moon in Italy. Yes, it is exceptionally yummy! Well, yesterday Nikki made EJ a nutella sandwich and she ate the entire thing minus the crust. My jaw hit the floor! I knew EJ was in a great mood going into therapy yesterday, but she must have really been open to try something new. I'm so proud of her and her confidence is continuing to grow.

Last night, I made hot dogs, potato wedges, and melon for dinner. EJ ASKED if she could have one of the hot dog buns and spread nutella on it. Of course, I played a little hard to get and told her I'd have to think about it. After a very short time of considering, I told her I supposed it would be OK for her to have the bun. You know, I wouldn't want her to think that I'm excited about her eating bread or anything. I did, of course, tell her while we were saying prayers last night how proud I am of her and that we need to thank God for giving her the courage to overcome her fears about food.

We are indeed making small steps in the right direction. No more backsliding for right now. We are marching forward and hopefully will continue to do so for a long time.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2010-07-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

I had a BIG week last week. I went in to discuss finances for this coming school year with Mitchell Rd. and simply just to be upfront about our situation, where we're heading and where we've been. Stuff like that. I told them that I'd be open to any type of job opening that was available. Last year, I filled in for the receptionists in the elementary and middle school offices while they took their lunch breaks. I loved the work environment there at the school and the people I interacted with daily.

Later during the week, I got a phone call to see if I would be interested in being an aide in K5. It didn't take much consideration to know that this was something that I'd love to do. Jami and I talked and decided that it was a great opportunity to be back in the same work environment and also at school with the boys. Yes, I said boy(s)! By working at the school, it opens the door for N to return to MRCA. If you read some of my blogs from last school year, you'll remember that he had a difficult year. The school that he attended was fabulous. I can't say enough wonderful things about Lake Forest. The staff is spectacular! N simply had a tough year with his twin, EJ, going away for 2 months, his great friend passing away, and some other changes like Jami taking a new job. That's a lot of rough circumstances for a 9 year old to take on. N is SO excited to be back in his "comfort zone" and with his old friends. He will miss new friends he made at Lake Forest and the teachers, but I'm sure we'll see them all with EJ still at the school.

So, once again God orchestrated perfectly for me to get to work with 5 year olds at MRCA and do the receptionist job also. And because of this, it is financially feasible for us to send both boys to MRCA. I stay amazed at how God continues to stand next to me and guide me through life and all that comes along with it.

EJ will continue attending Lake Forest. I have sat down with her and discussed at length her feelings about her brothers and me being at a different school. I have not picked up any negative vibes from her about the situation. She LOVES Lake Forest and excited to be going to 5th grade there. I've told all 3 kids that we'll reevaluate school year by year and make decisions based on what is best for our family. So, for the time being, this is the plan for this school year. And I am thrilled. As is N, without a doubt.

As for me working full time, it'll take some adjustment. It will mean giving up some things and also that all of our family will need to pitch in more than they usually do. I've got some plans brewing in my head for all of this to come together. I think that if a few things are lifted off my plate around the house, all will be good. I'm going to hand over the yard work to Jami, completely and totally. It may not be done as often as I would like or up to my semi-perfectionist standards, but hey, I'm delegating! I'm going to have to kids take over the pets. Everything to do with the pets from food/water, scooping the litter box, picking poop up in the yard, and walking the pup. Then, I think I can handle the house cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking meals. Sounds like a plan in my head, we'll see how it actually plays out.

The one thing that I refuse to sacrifice on is my workout time. I'm sorry but I'm the kind of person that has to have it. I know I've said it a gazillion times, but I'm so much more pleasant of a person when I have that time to myself. So, my plan for that is to exercise as soon as I get off work at 1:30 or so. That will give me some time before EJ gets out of school.

Tuesdays will be our therapy day. I decided to get it all done in 1 day. 3 appointments, 1 day. Hmmm......we'll see how that goes. Speaking of therapy, I'll have a new post soon on how that's going.

Everything's gonna be OK

2010-07-21T17:39:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying that my morning bike ride is a peaceful time for me to think, reflect, and pray. I don't know why it is, but while I'm running I suppose I'm too out of breath to do any of the things above. So, yes, biking is peaceful to me and a good way to start my day.

Yesterday, we went to Carowinds with our neighborhood swim team. Much to my opposition we rode the bus. I seriously think it's a control thing for me. I like being able to arrive when I want, stay as long as I want, AND leave when I please. My family talked me into the bus this year. It wasn't quite as bad as I had visioned. Not as claustrophobic as I thought I may be. Not as loud as I anticipated. I made it! And my family and I had a great day.

It breaks my heart to admit this, but I am a HUGE roller coaster fan. Where my kids came from, I'll never know. They are all 3 scared silly of coasters. Why! Why me! Jami and I did get to escape and go on several together. Just so you know, while we were in Italy on our honeymoon 12 years ago, we went to a theme park called Gardaland. We are thrill junkies! They're still young right, they'll love them one day???

More and more I am seeing the distance between EJ and her peers. As her mom who loves her dearly, it rips my heart into pieces and hurts beyond words. I've noticed it more this summer and after talking to other parents of children with Aspergers, this is the age where it starts to stand out more. She's 10 now, other 10 year old girls are into such different things than she is. EJ still enjoys things that she loved when she was 6 years old. It's like she stopped aging and maturing socially at that point. I've watched her many times awkwardly run up to another girl her age and give her a hug that about knocked her down. And the look that the other girl gives her breaks my heart. You see, EJ doesn't have any inhibition. She'll run full force towards any one and give them the biggest hug ever and I suppose it can catch people off guard. Girls her age totally don't expect it! For EJ, it's simply her way of saying hello.

So, what can I do as her mom who loves her more than words can say? I wonder to myself if she notices that sometimes other girls avoid her or don't want to sit next to her. What does she pick up on? Of course I see all the little cues others are giving her, but I wonder if she catches on. For example, yesterday on the bus all the other kids had friends sitting with them. No one sat with EJ. But, she had a book and her ipod. Is that all she wanted? Was she happy with that? Did she notice that she was the only one without someone sitting next to her?

These are the things that I was thinking about on this mornings bike ride. As I rode in front of her elementary school I thought of the upcoming meeting with the principal to discuss a 504 plan for the next school year. I prayed that she would have good teachers who understood her and were willing to work with her this next year. Then my mind clicked over to how she'll do socially at school this year and how this is her last year before middle school. As my mind starts spinning with all kinds of thoughts, concerns, and worries for my EJ out of the corner of my eye I spotted a blue bird that was happily chirping in the lawn next to me as I rode by. Instantly, I felt a calmness come over me and the first thought that popped into my head was "everything's gonna be OK".

That was my reminder that God is with me. He sends reminders (sometimes in the form of blue birds) to let me know that everything's gonna be OK. He will be with me when I meet with the staff at EJ's school the beginning of August to make plans for next year so she can meet her full potential throughout the school year. He is going to be with EJ as she interacts with friends and teachers. He is going to protect her heart and mind and guide her as she grows into a young lady over the next few years. And.....everything's gonna be OK.

A whole lot of nothing

2010-07-16T13:07:00.000-07:00

Let me just say that I'm enjoying the much slower pace of summer. We've been up to NOTHING! I love it! Well, we do have our 3 therapy appointments every week. But, besides that we have no schedule. I purposefully did not sign the kids up for any camps this summer. In my opinion, it's just too much work to try to get the kids where they need to be and then turn around and go pick them back up just a short time later.

Swim team is over....it was tons of fun for the kids. EJ and N are all about the social aspect of being involved with the swim team. O, well, he's in it to win it. He loves back stroke and thinks he's hot stuff because he can beat his older brother.

I have a confession to make: I have been soooo slack with the kids on having them do anything at all academically over the summer. I'm talking nothing at all. They so need to be reading from the summer reading list and practicing math facts. I'm on it next week! I think....

Therapy is going great. EJ is continuing to make progress and each week is trying new foods. I'm so proud of her and how confident she's becoming with herself. Yea for my girl! As for N, he was connected with another boy about his same age this week at therapy. They encouraged each other while working on eating new foods and evidently did great working together. He decided that he now likes garlic cheese bread. I'm hoping that this expands into many more new foods that he likes. I am also so proud of him for being willing to go outside of his comfort zone.

We have had my 1o year old niece visiting with us for this past week. I have loved having her here at our home and spending time with her. She has had a great time playing with all 3 of my kids. They have all gotten along so wonderfully. We have been to the library, bowling, and to the pool a ton this week. Have I said how much I love the summer time? Here are some pics of what we've been up to :

EJ and her friend K at the water park

Botany Woods , green division winners!!!!

What we do for a free dinner at chick-fil-a

5 years ago

2010-07-06T12:15:00.000-07:00

July 6, 2005. This is a date that will stick in my mind forever. It is the date that my life changed forever. Some good ways and some not so good.

I went in for routine gallbladder surgery, well I guess as "routine" as surgery can be. It was an out patient procedure and I'd be home by the same afternoon. Turns out, there was nothing routine about the surgery.

While the doctor was operating with the scope to remove my gallbladder, he cut my liver with the scope. Evidently, there was a vessel in an unexpected place that he didn't see. Because it was my liver that was cut, I had a lot of blood loss immediately. The doctor made the decision to do a large incision to control the bleeding (thank goodness!).

I woke up in recovery in a tremendous amount of pain. The surgeon explained to Jami and I what had happened and that I would need to stay in the hospital for 4-5 days and then recover at home for 6 weeks. Uh, totally not what I expected as I went in for surgery.

I developed a staph infection around the surgical site on my side. It was treated with antibiotics and the redness went away. The internal sutures that were used never dissolved like they were supposed to, so I had several of them removed in the doctors office. These were just a couple of the complications that I had soon after the surgery.

The intense pain continued way past the 6 week recovery that I was expecting. I had numerous follow-ups with the surgeon trying to figure out why I was having so much post surgical pain. I had injections along the scar to help with the pain and to help break up scar tissue. The doctors finally came to the conclusion that it was nerve damage from the surgery that was causing the pain. I had a couple more procedures to freeze the nerves and also to burn the nerves. I was also on pain medication so I could take care of the kids. I was not sleeping well due to the pain. So, basically it was miserable!

For the next 2-3 years, I went to one doctor after another to try to find relief from the constant pain. Finally I went to Winston Salem, NC to have the nerves frozen. I think this procedure helped knock down the intensity of the pain.

At this point in time, I still have pain. I have some days where I am miserable with pain that shoots from my stomach around my side to my back. Typically, I can associate the pain with weather changes, stress, or tiredness. I take something at night to help me sleep because it hurts to lie down. Other than that, I don't take anything for the pain on a regular basis. I've gotten to the point that it's mind over matter. During the times that I'm really hurting, I tell myself that it will lessen eventually, even if it is the next day.

Emotionally, I've gone through lots of feelings. I'll have to admit I'm still angry. I'm angry that the doctor made the mistake that has caused me to live in pain. I feel that it took away part of who I was. I was getting ready to begin training for a triathlon when I had the surgery. Oh well...

On the flip side, I'm thankful for the lifestyle changes that Jami and I have been forced to make. Jami stopped traveling for work so much right after that day. I needed his help with the kids more than ever. I really do think that God had a reason for this happening. I think part of it was to bring Jami and I closer. I have become more dependent on him and others for help. Before, I was SO independent and wanted to do everything on my own.

I constantly thank God for the life He has given me. I feel blessed to still be able to do the things that I enjoy like exercising. I am still able to enjoy special moments with family and take care of everyday things at home. I have a new appreciation for little things like having the ability to run, ride my bike, and swim laps. I'm thankful that I'm not is so much pain that I can't do those things.

Something else that I remind myself of when I am in the most pain is that the amount of pain that I feel shooting through my side is NOTHING compared to what Jesus felt as he was suffering on the cross. I think of this very often. He suffered and felt pain for me so that I can live a life with forgiveness from my sins. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around that sometimes. So, for me, every time I am in pain it's a reminder of what God has done in my life. Because of this, I'm thankful for the pain. It keeps me grounded and constantly keeps me on track daily.

I've come a long way in my thought process in the 5 years since that day. Yes, I still have anger at times. Though overall, I thank God for the challenges He has put me through in order to make me stronger as a Christian, a wife, a mommy, a daughter, a sister, and a friend.

And again

2010-06-27T05:22:00.000-07:00

Friday night we decided to hit Corona's for dinner. For those of you not in the upstate, it's a fairly cheap Mexican restaurant. There is one of their locations about a 1/2 mile from our home, so when we do Mexican, that's normally where we go.

As we pulled into the parking lot, EJ announced that she would split O's cheese quesadilla (I know that's not spelled right!) with him. OK.....

I try not to react when she tells us things like that. I'm afraid if I say anything she'll quit making an effort. So, I really said nothing at all. Just "that's fine". BUT, inside I'm bubbling with joy!

We got our food and EJ eagerly asked for her portion of O's food. We cut off about a 1/4 of it and gave it to her on her own CLEAN plate so nothing else was touching it. Immediately she went at it cutting off a certain number of bites, a certain size, all in her repetitive way. She is very routine in the way she prepares her food before she gets to the point of actually eating. At this point though, I'm totally fine with all the rituals she goes through as long as the food gets to her tummy.

After she ate the first couple of bites, she asked Jami if she ate 6 bites if she could buy herself a Mexican sundae with her own money. We decided that if, in fact, they were really bite sizes of food, then yes, she could buy a sundae after finishing those bites. So, she went at it without turning back. Done! Within minutes! See, she is so capable. It's just that confidence that is lacking at times. I'm so proud of her.

Jami thinks that the reason for her sudden turn around is that she really loves her new therapy place. She keeps talking about the swings in all the door ways and how fun Nikki is. She goes again tomorrow.

As for N, at the same meal Friday night, he ordered chicken tenders and ate two of them. That's huge for him. We once again had good conversation and enjoyed another meal together. It really makes me want to cry with joy.

I guess I'll continue to play "hard to get" with EJ and not let her know how thrilled I am over and over. Of course, I've told her how happy I am for her. I'll keep lifting her up in prayer and praying for her to have the confidence to eat foods and have a positive attitude around meals. Thank you to everyone for the encouragement and positive comments and prayers. Things are going good right now!

Amazing night

2010-06-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

Wow! I don't know what got into my family. We enjoyed dinner together for the first time in about 2 months tonight. EJ came to the dinner table and announced to everyone that she was going to try macaroni and corn for dinner. Yes, just as simple as that. No one said anything to her, she simply sat down at the table and decided that she would try what I was serving. All I can say is WOW! And, thank you God, you are amazing!!!! What an answer to prayers as I was getting discouraged.

Also, N happily ate corn on the cob and made no comments about anything else that was served. I made grilled chicken thighs, mac-n-chz, corn, and had grapes also. We actually talked about our day with each other and the focus was not on eating. I felt like we were a "normal" family eating dinner.

I'm SO not saying that will happen again anytime soon, but at least now I know that it is possible to enjoy a meal with my family.

EJ told N that going to therapy was "really fun" and that he would love her new therapist. And, she made sure to tell him that there were swings in all the door ways. Too funny! She did make the comment out of the blue at dinner that she really liked Nikki, her new therapist. I don't know what they talked about yesterday at the appointment, but something must have sunk in. Oh, and EJ also told N that Nikki was a picky eater just like them. Which is true evidently!

Just thought I'd share about our evening. It's amazing what a difference in everyone's attitudes for the rest of our night after dinner. Wonderful!

As I'm writing this, I'm listening to EJ sing away in her room to the songs on her ipod. Music is her thing. It's her escape from all the issues of daily life. She sounds so free and distant from all her struggles right now as I listen to her sing at the top of her lungs. Let me tell you, it is a glorious sound to my ears. I love my family and I'm so proud of them. And God does answer prayers. Even when you think hope for any change is slowly dwindling away. Thank you Lord.

Our next step

2010-06-22T15:07:00.000-07:00

Today I took EJ to Advanced Therapy Solutions (ATS) for ongoing therapy to help with eating and other issues related to Aspergers. It was time for a fresh start as we were no longer making progress with what we were doing. I'm so thankful for the time and effort that Lynn and Manny has dedicated to us. They have done and are doing a wonderful job. It's just that sometimes a slight change is necessary to start seeing progress again. So, that's what we are trying. We are going to continue with Manny as our therapist and will most likely end up going back to Lynn sometime in the future. She works wonderfully with her clients and has been a crucial part in EJ's success.

Last night I made lasagna, garlic bread, and salad for dinner. Simple, right? Well, not so much for EJ AND N. N had a complete breakdown over me telling him that he needed to take a bite of lasagna for dessert. EJ did it! I was outside with N after dinner and he was still crying. He told me that he just wants to be "normal". By this he meant that he doesn't want to have asthma or reflux (which he does not have any longer) or have trouble eating some foods. I had no idea that this bothered him so much. Jami and I talked and we decided to have N also go to ATS. I honestly think that the two of them "feed" off of each other. I don't think that it will take much to get N on the right path. He will have his evaluation on Wednesday next week. I have been told by many therapists that twins will identify with each other and this is what is most likely going on.

So, that's where we are heading. Yes, I am so frustrated that I need to get N going in therapy as well as EJ, but all this eating stuff is affecting our entire family. I want for EJ and N to be able to go to friends' homes and eat what is served for dinner. At this point, that just won't happen. And it's not because I've not tried to make them eat what is served. This is something that is beyond my control. Once again, this is something that is in God's hands and He is control of. The therapists can help and I can help, but we are not the one's in control. It's easily said, but really hard to follow through with those thoughts. I mean, really, what in the world? Sometimes I wonder what I have done wrong that my kids will simply not eat. Where did I mess things up? Was I not persistent enough? These are the thoughts of Satan talking to me and getting into my head. It makes me mad! So, yes, I'm going through a difficult time right now. I think that I will continue to go through phases where I am more frustrated than other times, and this is one of those times.

I will continue to update on how things are going and how N's appointment next week goes. I'm curious to hear what the OT thinks about how much work it will take to get N on the right track. I'm cheering them both on, I know this is hard for them as well as it is for the rest of the family.

Happy Birthday to my little guy

2010-06-15T13:46:00.001-07:00

We celebrated our youngest son's birthday on Sunday. He officially turned 8 years old. However, he has been telling everyone he's 8 for the past year. He SO wants to be just like his older brother and sister and just go ahead and skip some years and be 10 now. Hey, he is the same size as them and does everything they do. It's hard on the little guy to be the youngest, so he does all kinds of things to make up for the age difference. Some are good things like helping me out around the house, but there is also all the teasing that goes on to make himself heard around the house.

We went to Grace Downtown on Sunday morning and then gave O the choice of our lunch spot. He LOVES Sticky Fingers, so that's where we went. We are really trying to stick to our budget after doing the Dave Ramsey class, so I was dreading spending an arm and a leg on lunch. Saturday night I signed up on the Sticky Finger site for a free birthday lunch. This included the half slab of ribs and two sides. Pretty good deal! Then, to my surprise kids ate free on Sunday. So, our bill was only $12 for the five of us. See, God has His ways of taking care of our worries and concerns even if it was something as small as this. And.....we enjoyed a meal together as a family. Everyone ate AND enjoyed it. EJ ate some lettuce, shredded cheese, mandarin oranges, and the best corn bread muffin ever. Yea for EJ! N ate meat for the first time in a long time, chicken tenders. And the birthday boy chowed down on mac-n-chz, baked beans, and chicken. Jami ate O's "free birthday meal". I love the baked potato with BBQ and cheese on top. Yummy!

To O, my little man -
Happy 8th Birthday! You are an amazingly gifted guy. God has given you MANY gifts of service. My prayer for you is that you use these gifts to serve others. I already see you doing this at such an early age.
The word "amazing" keeps popping into my mind when I think of all the things you are capable of. I just have to say now that I know you are gonna make a wonderful husband to a special lady one day.
Let's see here, these are just a few of the things that I enjoy doing with you. I love cooking with you. You have great taste in food and I enjoy cooking and enjoying different foods with you. You have such a great interest in gardening and are talented at it also. You are a hard worker. I rarely need to show you how to do anything. You catch onto things very easily and follow through with tasks completely until they are done. You are a hard worker and are already cutting our grass and also cutting our neighbors grass without needing a bit of help.
I hope that you continue to be passionate about all these things and also learn more about new things also.
I love you O and feel blessed to call you my son.
Love,
Mom

Was it worth it?

2010-06-08T14:34:00.000-07:00

Recently I have had several people ask me if I regretted EJ going to Remuda Ranch for help with her eating problems. So...I thought I'd share my thoughts on that.

I know without a doubt that it was in God's plan for EJ to go to Remuda. The way that everything fell into place perfectly for her to get treatment there was pretty much flawless. Several friends and other people in the community had recommended Remuda to our family all about the same time. Then, EJ's dietitian recommended it very highly. After making the decision to pursue it, the support we received financially from friends, family, and strangers was phenomenal. Then, as the time got closer and after talking to the staff at Remuda, things quickly fell into place for her to go. I am 100% sure this was God's plan! How else would all the pieces to this puzzle have come together? Really???

Our family learned a lot while EJ was at Remuda. Here on the home front, we grew closer as a family and became more dependent on first of all God, and then on others for support. We found that during times of trials like this Jami and I expressed our emotions more freely than either of us normally would. We were more transparent with each other and with others about what we were experiencing.
Meanwhile in Arizona EJ grew in other ways. She grew in her journey with God through daily devotions, chapels, and encouragement from other girls and counselors.
It was when EJ was at Remuda that she was diagnosed with Asperger's. We may have never found out about this aspect of EJ's challenges if it were not for her therapists being with her daily for 60 days. The diagnosis does not mean much. Actually, it means nothing. The reason why it is important to me is that I understand much more about my daughter now. My frustration with so many of her behaviors is lessened dramatically because I get it now. After researching Asperger's, I understand why she does some of the things that used to irritate me so much. In some ways, it has helped our relationship now that she was identified as having Asperger's. I'm much more tolerant in lots of areas where before she went to Remuda I would have totally lost it.

As for her eating, if you've kept up with my blog in the past few weeks you know that EJ has not been eating well for quite some time now. She has lost weight and is not eating the foods that she came home from Remuda eating. However, she is eating some new foods that she began to eat while she was there. She now eats french toast, more varieties of cheese, bananas, and several new fruits. No, it's not where I was hoping she would be. But, it's not where she was before. And now, we have all the resources for eating disorders, asperger's, and ADHD that we did not have before. Sure we have a lot of work ahead of us, but doesn't everyone???

So, YES, it was well worth it. It was worth the sacrifices financially. It was worth the sacrifices emotionally. It was worth the sacrifices of missing holding my girl in my arms. We all grew in numerous ways and are in a better place today because of it. I look back and don't know how we did it, but we did and we made it.

Where I am now

2010-06-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

We are into summer break all the way and lovin' it! Goodbye to the schedules, goodbye to waking up for school and rushing out the door, and goodbye to afternoons of non-ending homework. Hello to late mornings, swim team, and leisurely days at the pool. Ahhh.....

After 6 months on a strict meal plan, we are taking a hiatus. I decided that I was pouring tons of time and energy into planning the menu, shopping, and preparing meals that were not getting eaten. Hence, I was wearing myself out unnecessarily. So, I have been brainstorming on where we go from here.

EJ's dietitian and therapist have recommended two different places in the upstate of SC that may be able to help us. So, over the past week I went to visit both places to see which would fit our current needs better. I am still thinking and praying through the decisions and what to pursue next. Everyone seems to agree that it's time for change because of the lack of progress and regression in EJ's eating. It's possible that we'll continue with the family therapist that we are have been working with. I have seen positive outcomes for our family and EJ since our sessions began with him. I also don't think that continuing with him would overlap with either of the programs that I'm looking at.

EJ has unfortunately lost about 7 lbs. over the past 6 weeks. I was aware that she was losing weight based on what I was observing her eat here at home. Which is not much of anything....
Now that she is out of school, I will be with her all day every day to work on increasing her intake of foods. EJ really wants to participate on the swim team, however, she is burning way too many calories by swimming. I am working with her on eating enough to be able to swim by supplementing her diet. On days like today though, she didn't eat anything besides breakfast, therefore she didn't get to do swim team. This meant that she was not a happy camper for the day....the attitude was out in full force for the duration of the day. Not fun at all!!! Thank goodness for a fresh start tomorrow.

Oh, now that I have more freedom with cooking since I'm not tied down to a menu and meal plan, I found a couple of cookbooks that I've been using the past week or so. One of them is about preparing snacks with raw foods. Since two of my kids don't prefer cooked foods, I'm using some raw foods for snacks to take to the pool and to have around the house for them to eat. There are some great recipes in this book and some that have been hits so far!
The other book is called "The Sneaky Chef". I like this one because it incorporates a lot of veggies into kid friendly meals. You simply puree veggies according to the recipe and freeze the puree and add it to the meals as you make them. We have had tacos and wontons (they secretly had spinach and blueberries in them) and chicken drumsticks and mashed potatoes (zucchini and cauliflower). Jami, O, and I have loved the food so far and I have frozen lots of puree for future cooking.
Our garden is doing awesome! Tonight we had our first green beans from the garden and they were oh so good! The tomatoes are looking good and the herbs are growing like crazy. I can't wait to make some homemade pizzas with the herbs and tomatoes soon.

The kids had small birthday celebrations with a few friends on Saturday. EJ had a couple of friends from the neighborhood over to paint and do some sand art, then play on the slip and slide. I set up a parfait bar for the girls with yogurt, strawberries, and granola with craisins and white chocolate chips. They all enjoyed it!
The boys also had a couple of friends over on Saturday and did what boys do best....blow things up! They shot each other with nerf guns and water guns for hours. Then they played on the slip and slide. Who would of thought that boys wouldn't stop playing for pizza and cake? We had so much pizza left over because they were all too busy shooting each other and didn't stop to take a break.
The girl party vs. the boy party was like night and day. The girls were calm and organized as they did their art and ate parfaits, the boys ran non-stop for three hours covered in water and mud. I'll have to say, I enjoyed both very much just in different ways. Yes, after they were over, I crashed. The kids all told me how much fun they had though. I loved keeping it simple and just letting the kids choose what they enjoy doing and have a couple of friends over. There's my theme of simplifying life again. I'm still working on it! My goal is to live as simple of a life as possible and cutting out unnecessary distractions from my daily life. Now if I could just get my family on board! They're getting there I think.....

Birthday Season

2010-05-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

Today starts our two week long birthday celebrations. EJ and N turned 10 years old today. O's will be 8 years old on June 13th.

So, this year I could have possibly lost my mind but I've decided to have all the parties on ONE day. Crazy, huh? The boys are doing theirs together in the evening. They chose to have water gun wars and Nerf battles in our yard. EJ wants to have hers at lunch time the same day. So she'll have a couple of friends over to do arts and crafts and run around in the sprinklers. I very well could regret having all three birthdays celebrated on one day, but it'll be fun!

The twins are way excited to "hit the double digits" with this birthday. And they have grown up so much. I spent yesterday afternoon going through old albums and archived photos on Jami's computer. I scanned some of my favorites of the twins and made an album of them through the years. In some ways it seems just like yesterday when I found out I was pregnant with them, but in other ways those early years seem like they were forever ago.

EJ - Happy 10th birthday! You are a wonderful daughter, sister, and friend to so many people. You are passionate about animals. I love the way you are so loving with Patch and Oliver and enjoy taking care of them. You've experienced many things this past year that many people never will experience in their lives. You are a strong little girl and I love how you turn your troubles over to God. I'm so excited to see you continue to grow into a young lady over the next few years. I am confident that God has big plans for your life and He also has plans for all of your talents He has blessed you with. Stick with your love for music and your passion for art! You are so very gifted. I'm very proud to call you my daughter! I love you!

N - Happy Birthday! You are 10!!! Absolutely unbelievable...I remember so well your first few years of life. You and EJ were/are best buddies. I loved watching the two of you play for hours and hours so happily together. You are growing into a wonderful young man. Noah, you are so compassionate and loving in your actions towards others. It seems like you think of others before yourself. God has big plans for you. I am looking forward to seeing how you use the talents God blessed you with (hopefully in other ways than video games!) I've enjoyed seeing you become a leader at church, school, and at home. Continue to put your faith in God and serve Him in everything you do. I love you!

Guess where I am?

2010-05-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in a wicker rocking chair on a screened in porch overlooking a lake with the pleasant sound of rain drops falling.

What am I doing here? Jami and I escaped for a night. A generous person offered us their lake house for a couple of nights and another generous friend offered to take over my duties with the kids for a day. And I'm telling you what, it sure is nice!

The kids are being brought to us later today so that they can enjoy a night here as well, but for this moment it's just the two of us. Our anniversary , 12 years that is, is Sunday. I'll have to say that this past year has been by far the most challenging of our marriage yet. Between all the changes with Jami's job, struggling with finances, EJ's extended trip to Arizona, and some challenges with our communication it's been a hard one. The only thing that is truly under our control is how we communicate with each other. I'm the one who shuts down easily and just wants to be left along and he is the talker. According to "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", it seems to me that we have our roles switched a bit. Typically it's the man that shuts down and the woman who needs to talk (and talk and talk). Nope, not here! I am working on being more open and communicating in a more positive way for our relationship. However, I'm so bad at saying things the wrong way or in a way that is hurtful to Jami. I am well aware of this and I pray that God will help me in this area.

With all that said, we've made it another year. And, we understand each other much more than we did 12 years ago. And 12 years from now, we'll understand each other more than we do now. God knew exactly what he was up to 14 years ago when we he introduced Jami and I. Really, what are the chances that we would have both been in Charleston for the Cooper River Bridge Run and meet afterwards at an oyster roast through mutual friends? Meant to be without a doubt!

Jami is wonderful at tolerating my odd self with all my flaws. I know that I am a tad rigid, a tad controlling, a tad too routined...OK maybe more than a tad. By the way, I'm also not much of a talker unless I really truly have something to say. But you know what, he loves me anyway! Sure, he'd love for me to stay up past 8:00 after the kids go to bed and watch TV or a movie in our rarely used den. And, yes he'd love for me to go out more often to social events. And, yes he'd probably love it if I actually left his shoes at the front door where he left them so he could find them the next day. But, you know what, he loves me anyway! And that feels so good.

Let's not forget how I love him. I love him when he talks for 30 minutes about a recent conference he attended on search engine optimization when I asked him how the conference was. Even though he lost me after the first minute or two and after that point I was in la-la land. I love his passion for people and his passion for work. I love that everywhere we go in Greenville, or other places for that matter, that he always runs into someone he knows and talks endlessly. (The kids and I are used to this and politely keep walking slowly so he can catch up to us when he finishes.) I love so dearly the way he interacts with our three precious joys. I love watching him play Call of Duty 3 with N. I love watching him work with O in the garage or on the computers. I love watching him draw with EJ.

Love is not always easy. There are challenges and trying times. But, much more often than challenges and trying times, there are times of joy, times of peace, times of comfort, times of passion, and times of security in knowing that we will be together forever.

When we are older, I won't say how old, I can picture that we will be doing exactly what we are doing at this exact moment. Sitting on a screened in porch, in white wicker rocking chairs, overlooking a lake, listening to rain fall, with a puppy dog at our feet. Now, hopefully we won't both have computers in our laps writing blogs when we are 80+ years old, but otherwise that is where I see us many, many years down this journey together.

Happy Anniversary!

Big smiles for everyone

This is the same red jacket I had on the night we met 12 years ago!
Jami reminds me of this every time I wear it.....

Oh, if you see some crazy things happening to my blog, it would be my husband implementing some lessons learned at this search engine optimization conference he attended. Trust me, I don't understand a bit of it, but he can have at it as he pleases!

The post I really don't want to write

2010-05-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

EJ is not doing well.

She is really struggling with so many areas of her life right now. I hurt for her because I honestly can't imagine what is going on in her little head. She must be so confused about all the emotions that are swirling around in her head and not being able to express them to anyone. What does come out is not pleasant for anyone...

Instead of communicating to us what she feels with words, she is lashing out at Jami and I, her brothers, and friends. It is so hurtful to everyone, including herself. This is something that with therapy can be improved. So, that's the good news there! It may take years of patience on my part and with her therapist, but I know we can make progress in that area. This is the Asperger's that makes it difficult for EJ to express herself and also being able to read other people.

A good thing happened yesterday. EJ is getting to be more aware of some social situations. I took her to the grocery store with me. The store is only 1 mile from her home. The moment we got in the car together, she started talking and talking and talking. Right before we got to the store, she said, "mom, I'm talking too much aren't I?" I simply said, "no", I love hearing what you have to say. Then when we were in the store, she kept walking into me, the cart, shelves, and other people. She told me that maybe she should slow down and leave some distance between herself and the cart. These seem like little things, but for EJ they are huge areas that she has made progress in by recognizing spacial and social issues. Yea EJ!!!

Thursday, we met with the dietitian rather unsuccessfully again. We are at 6 weeks now of struggling with food again. She has regressed drastically from where she was. I wouldn't say that EJ is back to where she was before she went to Remuda, but no where close to where she was when she came home for those first 2-3 months.

It happened suddenly one day. EJ gave up. Over and over again I hear from her that it's too hard. I get it! I know it's hard. Actually, I can't imagine how hard it possibly is. For me, it would be like running a marathon or something. Now, that sounds hard to me. For EJ, eating is hard. If only I could teach her how to overcome and stick with things even though they are hard. However, that may be something that some people are born with, and others aren't. I just don't know. I do know that the only thing that can help at this point is God. I am not putting my faith and hope in EJ, her dietitian, her therapist, or in me as her mom. It is in God's hands alone.

EJ has until May 31st to begin eating again. The big question is, what happens then? Ummm, I have no idea! That is just the deadline that her therapists gave her to get it together and begin to get back on track. No chance of going back to Remuda at this point in time for more reasons than one. We are with the best dietitian and therapist here in Greenville that I could possible imagine. So what else are we to do?

I can't give up. I can't stop trying and giving it my all. What good would that do? If I were to back down and let her simply have what she wants, all our efforts over the past 9 months would be shot. By the way, what she wants is to live off of Ensure. I have no problem with giving her Ensure as a supplement, but then there would be no chance of her ever eating foods.

The big dilemma is how to balance the eating disorder and the Asperger's syndrome. I think right now they are both raging fires in her little body. I would love to get those fires to die down just a bit, then I think we would have a chance of working with EJ.

All the prayers we could possibly get would be MUCH appreciated right now. It is not a pleasant place to be right now, actually quite miserable to tell you the truth.

Another one of THOSE days

2010-05-05T18:46:00.000-07:00

Exhausting, never-ending, demanding, tantrums, accident prone....

These are just a few words to describe today. Today started perfectly fine here in our home, however it ended like a tornado had just hit us.

I've talked about this before, so here it goes again. When something sets EJ off, she is done for the day. There is no turning back. I suspect that what set her off this afternoon was that her twin, N, is getting an award in the morning at school, and she's not this time. There have been many times when EJ has gotten an award for something and N hasn't. So, it goes both ways.

We had some friends over for dinner tonight and nothing was going in EJ's favor in her opinion. No one wanted to play with her (although she had played with her BFF all afternoon). No one likes her. This overflowed into dinner time.

Meanwhile, while I was attempting some adult conversation with my friend in the kitchen, an unnamed little boy "accidently" kicked his older brother in the nose. No blood this time around, apologies were said and accepted and everything was good. Until....the victim of the nose kicking trips over the corner of the rug and falls smack on his elbow. Ice was applied to necessary body parts and hugs were given.

My dear husband walks in from work in the midst of this chaos. Whew, what a greeting it must be. He took over dealing with one of the kids rather unsuccessfully (NOT his fault) while I attended to the other.

Do I even need to go on saying how much of a disaster dinner was? Here we were trying to spend time with friends and we spent the evening with way too much screaming. Even though my friend and her son are pretty used to our situation, I still apologized to them for the terrible actions of my child.
EJ took one glance at her plate of food and simply said "I'm not eating that!". So, she was in her room for the rest of the night. Basically, she is angry that I am now cutting 8 bites of food for her and putting it on her plate. She wants to do it on her own, but after a couple months of doing it "on her own" it just wasn't cutting it. The pieces of food that she was considering a bite were more like a tiny nibble. So, it was time for me to take more action and do it for her. I totally get that she like her freedom and deciding what a "bite" is. I wish that I could give her that freedom. However, at this point in time she is not capable of making that call.

This has been going on for about 4 weeks now. EJ has not eaten anything besides french toast that I have prepared for our family. So, really she's only eating breakfast and maybe lunch. I honestly don't even know if she is eating her lunch. I have no real way of knowing. She is having a snack at home after school, mostly fruit or crackers and cheese/peanut butter. Then, refusing dinner totally. Once again, we are stuck in a vicious cycle and hopefully we will be able to help EJ to come out of it.

I prayed with her tonight simply asking God to give EJ the courage to eat food even though it is hard for her. I prayed that He would help her to overcome this terrible fear of food to dominates every moment of her childhood. Then, I listened to her pray and ask God to help her eat tomorrow. Heartbreaking.....

Sometimes, I just want to close my eyes and picture my EJ happy with not a care in the world. I picture her without all the fears and anxieties that have overcome her life. It is very rare in our life that we get the privilege of seeing her like this. It hurts more than you could ever imagine. As her mom, I want just a glimpse of the carefree little girl that I used to know not so long ago. Maybe one day I will again......

O's Garden

2010-05-05T07:09:00.001-07:00

Once again O and I have made another attempt at a garden. I say "attempt" because every year it seems to start out great then as the season goes on, it quickly deteriorates. Yes, it's most likely due to the obvious, not watering it.

We went to two farmers markets Saturday morning looking for veggies to plant. We ended up with about 10 different tomato plants, almost all small cherry tomato size. This is O's favorite and mine as well. N chose roma tomatoes again this year. He doesn't eat them, but has had success with growing them in the past. I enjoy making pastas and pizzas with different varieties of cherry tomatoes and romas. We also chose two pole bean plants so I can saute green beans with olive oil and garlic, yum! And finally, our herbs. We decided on basil, cilantro, and two varieties of mint. Every year I search for chocolate mint and this year we found some! EJ is sooooo excited. I suspect that I'll find her eating the leaves right off the plant quite a bit. There's bound to be some nutrition in that, right?

The boys and I worked on stepping stones last Friday to go in the garden. EJ didn't get left out, we are going to paint a bird house together this next weekend.

O's stepping stone

N's stepping stone, love the smiley face!

EJ's chocolate mint plant

Not quite sure why there is a gun in the garden?

Jami and I have not been out alone together for well over a year, I really mean nowhere! Yes, I am fully aware this is terrible for our marriage and neither of us have made it the priority that we should. Well, we have a weekend away planned for our upcoming anniversary! Someone that Jami works with has a cottage at Lake Keowee and we are getting to use it. Needless to say, we are both excited for our much needed get away.

We have so many fun things coming up in the next few weeks. This is always a super busy time of the year for our family. Mothers Day is this week, yea!!!! Our anniversary weekend is the 22-23. The twins birthday is the 28th. And school is out that same week.....then the real fun begins for the summer. Yes, I am serious! I really love the pace of summer without all the places we need to be every day and I get to spend more time with the kids. It's a possibility that a few weeks into the summer break I may regret the previous sentence, but as of today I am looking forward to our break!

Whew, what a day! (graphic content involved)

2010-04-28T17:47:00.001-07:00

Upon waking N up for school this morning, this was my greeting: "my balls are killing me!". Ummm, is this how you should greet your mom first thing in the morning? What in the world! He went on to tell me that it felt like they were being squeezed. Ummm, totally more than I really wanted to know. Little brother goes on to say that maybe a squirrel climbed in bed with him last night and that was the problem (O's mind just works like that....)

So, I have N come to the appropriate person to inspect him. His daddy, of course. In a stupor sinus infected state Jami has no idea what he could be talking about. I call the RN before hours at the pediatrician office and tell them what's going on. And off to the ER we go. Turns out that there was one thing that it could have been, testicular torsion, and if this was the case it had to be operated on within a certain amount of time or else there would be problems way down the road. On the drive to the ER I could tell that he was starting to get some relief from the pain, but I continued on because I didn't want to be THAT mom. That mom who put off something that could effect his "manhood" WAY down the road.

After getting checked out and observed for an hour or so, the doctor decided that it was most likely a mild viral infection that could be treated with antibiotics. We were sent home with instructions on what to watch for and to come back if he got worse.

When I got home, Jami had already (10:30am) gotten home from work because he felt so bad from a sinus infection. So fortunately I left N at home with Jami while I literally ran off to work. I heard nothing from them while I was working, so I figured all was good. Yep, I got home after work and N was feeling much better and Jami had slept for several hours so all was good.

There was a memorial service for M this afternoon and N told me that he wanted to share about his friend. How much more perfect of a day could it have possible been? There was a slight breeze and a beautiful blue sky. A dozen kids running around in the green grass while parents, teachers, and family shared memories. It honestly was a wonderful, relaxed, and peaceful service. So perfect for this special family!

Jami and EJ stayed home so that Jami could rest. When we left, I remembered that tonight was $0.31 ice cream scoops at Baskin Robbins. So, I took the boys to get ice cream after the service. We sat on the curb in the parking lot enjoying our mint chocolate chip ice cream and chatted about the day. And, guess what? I only had to pay $1 for all three of our ice creams! Now that a deal!

We got home and it was then dinner time. Yes, tonight some of us had dessert first, and that's OK right? I made spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread and it greatly pleased 4 of us. In fact, Jami told me it was the best spaghetti I had ever made. He sure knows how to make a lady feel great.

EJ has not been trying any dinners for quite sometime now. I'm not sure what we are going to try next. But I do know this, as much as I would like to throw the towel in, I can't. I will keep working with her and her RD and find what works to get her back on track for good. There are only so many things that I can focus my attention on at one time. I would totally wear myself down if I tried to conquer everything all the time. Well, to tell the truth I think I've pretty much already worn myself down. I'm absolutely drained and feel like the life is being slowly sucked out of me. Totally worn out.....

I try to prioritize the most important things each day and do those, however each and every thing I do during the day is necessary. Whether it is getting a run or bike ride in so that I can keep my sanity, cooking meals for the meal plan, cleaning the house, spending time with each of the kids, doing the finances, going to work, or simply being a mom to my 3 kids. Oh, and let's not forget being a wife to my husband who needs, desires, and deserves my love and support. Whew....
And the thing is, all my little things that I deal with daily are nothing compared to so many other moms that I know. I know that I am not in this battle alone. I have wonderful friends and family who support me through prayers and encouraging words.

As crazy as some days are, like today, I still have to say that I am thankful to God for my life. He will lead me through days like today and many other days that I will most likely encounter from here on. I WILL continue to lean on Him.

A Good Day!

2010-04-23T14:06:00.000-07:00

We have had about 2-3 weeks of struggles with EJ and her eating. She has been flat out miserable to tell you the truth. And when EJ is miserable, that overflows into the mood of the entire family. It's little things (at least I think they are little, evidently BIG things to her) that set her off for the entire day. Whether it's a pair of pants that don't feel right on her skin, something that she didn't want for breakfast, or a friend that's not home to play after school, it absolutely ruins her day and there is no turning around once she's gone. I do think with continued therapy that this can be helped and also Jami and I can know better how to help her retrain her thoughts and talk her through the constant issues that pop up during each day.

I'll be honest, I was not too thrilled to be taking her to the dietitian yesterday for her weekly appointment. The week before was horrible!! There was crying, screaming, and a complete shut down on her part. Disaster would be a great word for last Thursday's appointment. I sent the dietitian an email when I got home practically begging her to not give up on us, that's how bad it was. Of course, she's not going to give up on us, she's wonderful and in for the long haul.

As we were rushing in to the cottage yesterday for her appointment, we passed by another therapist who EJ knows well. The therapist told EJ that she was running home to get "Lilly", her dog, and bringing her back to work with her. She told EJ that she could pet Lilly when she was done with her appointment. Well, EJ did phenomenal with trying the foods that she was supposed to try and had a much better attitude with her dietitian. She was as happy as a bug when I got her after the hour. All because she was going to get to see Lilly....
We, of course, loved on Lilly as we left and Lilly loved on EJ. And EJ skipped happily to the car as we were leaving. She was the happiest I've seen her in several weeks. And as you could imagine it warmed my soul.
So, is that all it takes for EJ to have a better outlook and attitude? Simply to get the opportunity to love on Lilly? Who knows, but I'm sure that we'll be spending more time with Lilly soon!

Tonight is a very special night for Jami and EJ. They are going on a date and then to a daddy/daughter dance at Twigs in Greenville. The only request that EJ had for their dinner date was somewhere with french toast. Imagine that!!!! At first she said it had to be IHOP, but I think I convinced her to go to Mimi's cafe so that her daddy could eat some special food also. Not that IHOP isn't special.....
I can't wait to see the pictures that they have taken and hear all the details. I can pretty much bet that I'll get the low down on all the yummy desserts at the dance. From what I've heard, there is a chocolate fountain. Both daddy and EJ will love that for sure!

Have I said lately how proud I am of my husband? God has blessed Jami with some awesome talents and I love the way that he uses them to serve others. Last night, we went to a gala for G magazine. Jami accepted the "giving back award" for the work that Hill-Mullikin/Sliced Tomatoe/Radii did for the Safe Harbor fundraising campaign last year. It was awesome to see how there are so many people that contribute to the Greenville community in so many ways. It made me happy that I live in such a wonderful city! OK, I'm done bragging on my husband now. For today that is.....

Seasons of life

2010-04-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Yesterday our family experienced two seasons of life.

There was new life through the marriage of Jami's brother to Ashley. I am so excited for the addition of Ashley to the Mullikin family. I honestly can't say enough wonderful words about Ashley. She is a follower of Christ and that comes through in her words and actions. I can tell already that she is going to be a wonderful wife to Bobby and a great stepmom to Bobbys' two boys. I am looking forward to getting to know Ashley even better not only as a sister-in-law, but as a friend as well. Congratulations Bobby and Ashley!!!

As I was driving home from the wedding, I had a message on my phone letting me know that N's friend had passed away yesterday afternoon. M fought a hard battle against cancer up until the last moments before God provided comfort and peace for him by taking him home.

My heart aches for M's mom, dad, and brother. I can't imagine what it must be like them to wake up this morning and to go on. I suppose it will be a slow process as they go through the grieving process and then adapting to a new kind of life without M. My prayer for their family is that they will be at peace with God's plan for their family.

Jami and I are going to be talking with N this morning. I've tried to talk with him and be honest about what M was experiencing through the past couple of months. I'm praying that God will provide the right words as we are talking with him over the next few days about death.

Although it hurts to think of M no longer being with his family and friends, it is comforting to picture him healed, strong again, and with his awesome personality running around in Heaven.

My sweet older boy

2010-04-13T19:18:00.001-07:00

Our 9 year old son possible has the biggest heart of any child I've ever seen. He has always shown compassion for others and such a huge desire to help others in any way possible. God has surely blessed him with so many gifts that I can't wait to see how he uses them. I could totally see him being in the "helping" profession somewhere.

N has had more trials this school year than many kids ever will have. It just seems that everything hit all at once. It has been a learning experience for him and for me as well on how to shepherd him through the challenges.

N changed to a new school in August this past year and left the school he had been in since 1st grade. This meant leaving many great friends that he had made over the years. I'm so proud of the way he accepted the fact that we told him the situation and he gladly transitioned to the new school.

A month after school started, his twin, EJ, left for 2 months to go to Arizona. I have no idea what it is like to have a twin and be so close to each other. I can only imagine what he went through missing her for that long amount of time. You know, he's been with her longer than I even have! We made it through that challenge and we learned a lot about our family during that time. It was during these 2 months that we talked with N about EJ being diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. We really stressed to him that this made her no different from the EJ that had gone to Arizona 2 months before. She is the exact same sister, we now have the connections to be able to help her reach her fullest potential.

Also, during this school year for N, Jami had been unemployed up until March. N stepped up and offered so many times to help out by offering his savings to us or offering to give us Christmas or birthday money from relatives. This is definitely not the burden that I want my 9 year old son to carry around. I, of course, told him that things were going to be just fine and we needed to hand over our financial situation to our God. He got to witness how we trusted God and God provided for our family and continues to do so.

Most recently, one of N's most wonderful friends at school is really sick with cancer. He had been in remission, but now the cancer is in his abdomen. I found out tonight that hospice is coming tomorrow and M will probably not make it much longer. N and I laid in bed talking tonight about his friend. We have had an ongoing conversation with N since we found out how sick M was. Tonight, I felt like I needed to let him know that the time is getting close. We did get to go visit last week. N left and said that he was glad that he got to visit. He was so sweet and made the comment that M was exactly the same on the inside even though he looked different on the outside. He's right, and we as adults sometimes don't realize this when we look at people! When we were talking tonight, we talked about M getting to meet Jesus. N said that he was sure that the first thing that M would say to Jesus was "wassup dude, I've waited 10 years to get to meet you!"

With all this said, I'm so proud of my son. He has dealt with lots of "grown up" situations in the past year. He has managed well and I've loved seeing him enjoy being a kid and doing kid things even though he has dealt with so many life challenges. As he grows older and looks back on this year, I hope that he will see this year as a time of growth in his relationship with Christ.

I love you my dear N!!! Never lose that sweet heart that you have for others and your passion for life.

Still struggling

2010-04-12T18:19:00.000-07:00

EJ has been really having a hard time with eating the past couple of weeks. I think that some of the problem has been that we have been in the process of changing her medications. So....she has been pretty miserable. I'm sure that she does not feel so great while she is going off of one medication and starting another. It sure is showing though! She is not content with anybody or anything these days. There has been lots of arguing with her brothers and also with friends at school and, of course with her mom as well.

We are going to reevaluate everything tomorrow at her appointment with her counselor. What we are doing is obviously not working. I don't know if it is the meal plan, the consequences for not eating, or just everything all together. It sure is taking a toll on our entire household though.

Today I picked EJ and N up in car pool line at their school and EJ was in tears crying. Before I pulled out of the parking lot, she informed me that she was not going to be able to be in the chorus performance that she had been practicing for the entire school year. She even had a speaking part that we had worked on all weekend. I quickly pulled into a parking space and walked with her into school to find out what was going on. Well, turns out she didn't bring home a permission slip to ride the bus to practice for the performance at the church where it was going to be held. So, she didn't get to go to the practice today which meant she lost her speaking part and wouldn't be able to participate tonight in the show. I went into her classroom to speak with her teacher to find out what she knew. When I looked in her cubby where she keeps papers that are supposed to come home, there were about 30 papers that she had not brought home. Sure enough, the permission slip was right there. Yes, I was in tears, it hurts me when my kids hurt. She has been struggling so much at home with food and issues with friends. She was so excited about this all year and has enjoyed chorus so much, and then it was such a disappointment to not be able to do this.

I talked with her about how it was her responsibility to bring home papers that were in her cubby at school. I didn't really want her to feel like I was blaming her, but I did reinforce to her that she would have been able to do the show if she had brought home the permission slip for me to sign. So, needless to say, we had a rough afternoon at home. Thankfully Jami got home and played outside with the kids and got her mind off of the fact that she really wanted to be at the performance. They drove the "model T" around the neighborhood and enjoyed the gorgeous weather while I got dinner together.

Oh, I am really hoping we have some better days around the corner. We really need some good ones. I just really want EJ to be encouraged with some good days with great eating and good interaction with friends and with us at home. It just seems that lately she seems so down and discouraged with everything, it is so hard for me as her mom to see her like this. I keep telling her that anything is possible with God and she has so many wonderful talents. She simply told me, "mom, you've told me that a million times". At least she's heard me, right?

Why?

2010-04-01T19:49:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am struggling.

I have no idea why it hit me tonight. EJ has been home for 5 months today from Remuda. Remuda changed her life and our family's life in so many ways. Remuda took care of our little girl for 2 months, taught her so much about the truths of God's ways and provisions, and equipped her to live with her eating disorder. I am so thankful that we were led to Arizona and that EJ was able to get much needed help. Our meal time is much different now as I have blogged about before.

With that said, I still hurt. I still ask the why questions sometimes. Thankfully not very often. Why do my child have to hurt and struggle with food all day every day? Why can't she live a carefree happy life without focusing on food so intently? Her eating disorder consumes her thoughts from the moment that she wakes up until the moment that she goes to bed. And, also during the night. Oh, how I would love for her to be free from this. Her eating disorder has such a tight white knuckled hold on her and just will not let go. Honestly, it sucks!

I pray for her so many times a day for her to become free from this bondage. In my mind, I see her when she struggles as being tied up with string and not being able to get loose. What I dream about seeing is a little 9 year old girl with her hair flowing over her shoulders running barefoot through the green grass with a twirly skirt spinning with happiness. That is not the reality currently. And it hurts! What I experience day in and day out is a little girl who is so focused on what the next snack or meal is that she is unable to be filled with joy in the moment.

Please be in prayer for me to keep going with EJ on working with her on so many things. I want to be an encourager to her and be a soft spot for her to come to as she is entering her pre-teen years. Please pray for her therapist and dietitian as they work with her weekly and for EJ to open up with them and not shut them out.

Everyday Adventures

2010-03-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

We LOVED the spring weather this weekend. We were spoiled with it on Saturday and then Sunday it was back to rainy cooler weather.

Friday evening, we went back to our old "hood" and hung out in the cul-de-sac with friends. I miss hanging out with them and just watching the kids play with each other just like the "old times". Thanks Turners and Balls for being such wonderful friends for us through the good times and the not so good times! You all are wonderful! We did a big egg hunt with over 100 eggs hidden. This was our 3rd year doing this, although last year was at the beach. This year we scaled back on the candy in the eggs and did more coins and silly bands.

Saturday, we had 6-7 neighborhood kids over to enjoy the day. O organized an Easter Egg hunt for the kids and loved every minute of it. He was so sweet and thoughtful as he did it to think about the youngest friend and help to make sure he had the same amount of eggs as the older kids. Oh, how he has grown up! Jami and I started on some spring cleaning in the garage and are trying to get up the nerve to clean out our broken freezer in the storage room in the garage. Last year Jami and the boys went fishing and were so proud of the catches that they needed to save them in the freezer. Well, "someone" unplugged the freezer about 6 months ago, so as soon as the door is opened I think the whole neighborhood with be smelling a bit fishy. We are aiming to clean it out on Thursday since trash day is Friday. Maybe I shouldn't say "we", I think I'll pass this one on to Jami to take care of.

Jami was at Grace attending the seminar "A Man and His Wife". He went through the classes a couple years ago, then had the chance to go again this weekend on Friday night and Saturday. I love the way that Grace reaches out with so many applicable classes and events to our daily lives. The church is great at keeping us connected to God and His Word while we are living our everyday lives. Whether it is finances, children programs, bible studies for the ladies, or events like this one for the men, I think that Grace does a spectacular job!

EJ had a rough day today. I was awoken to a screaming child with a bit of blood on her finger. Our pup, Patch, took one of her toys and she was quite insistent on getting it back and he didn't want to give it, therefore his tooth met her finger. After a trip to Exigent around the corner and a good cleaning to the finger (and $50 later!) I think a good lesson was learned by all. I explained to EJ that Patch is like a toddler. He was just trying to tell her that the toy was his and decided to give her a little nip on the finger....
Then, tonight she struggled with eating at our small group that we meet at with church in our neighborhood. She had a tough time with 7 bites of her foods. When she finally did it, Jami let her have a small piece of cake. Well, then she sent a friend to get her another piece, then she ate her friends piece, then another piece while we were not looking before we left. UGH!!!!! I totally wouldn't make a big deal about it except that she can't eat 4 pieces of cake without much of anything else in her little body. This is where her impulse control problem kicks in (and self control). I'm still at the point where I can't trust her to be away from me just for this reason. I know I may sound like a controlling mom, and for just about any other child, YES! But, EJ has an eating disorder where she has no on/off button with what is appropriate amounts of food when it comes to sweets. She will keep eating junk until she is sick to her stomach. How scary it is for me to think of what it will be like when she gets older and is away from us more. I pray constantly for her to gain self control when it comes to her eating. I do know however that this is going to be a battle that we will have most likely for her entire life. It is so scary for me. I want her to be able to live a long healthy life without the infatuation that she has with junk foods. It's amazing to me how food controls her thoughts and moods the majority of the day. I seriously can say that I don't get it. I don't understand it. It makes me sad to think about my 9 year old who I just want to be freed from this disorder and enjoy what other 9 year old girls do. I've said this many times to my family and friends, but EJ's eating disorder is just like a person who struggles with drugs or alcohol. It's that strong of an addiction in her life. Please be praying for this and for her to be freed from the control that food has on her life.

This afternoon, I went to a wedding shower for Jami's brothers fiance. That's right, he's getting married to the sweetest girl ever in April. I am so happy for both of them as they begin this new adventure together. Jami is in the wedding so we are excited for all the events that go along with their special weekend. I'm looking for some pin striped blazers for the boys, so if anyone has seen any at a reasonable price, let me know. Jami told me that he would love to see the boys wear a blazer. EJ has picked out a dress online that she really likes and it's very reasonably priced! I'll have to say that I'm super excited about the new addition to the Mullikin family. Welcome Ashley!!!!

Oh, my "new pain" that I have been experiencing is better than it has been. I'm thinking that it possibly was a muscular issue and will hopefully resolve on its own. Yea! Just thought I'd update on that. I've had friends asking about it.

FPU

2010-03-15T14:50:00.000-07:00

Grace Church, here in Greenville, is offering a 13 week class on financial peace. Jami and I decided that this was the perfect time to get control of our finances now that he will be receiving a pay check on a consistent basis. So, every Tuesday evening until the middle of May we will be learning all about budgeting and everything that goes along with that. There is child care offered and the kids have really enjoyed going to hang out with friends the first few weeks.

I'll have to admit that I was not excited at all about beginning this class. First of all, it's a huge commitment. We are only allowed to miss one class or else we get a F. Second of all, it's scary! It scares me to think of how bad our financial situation has been and how long of a road it will be to get out of it. Plus, just think of all the disagreements I have to look forward to with Jami while discussing where our money will go. None of this sounds so good, huh?

So, why am I doing it? Well I feel like God has led me to get our finances under control. It's amazing how things lined up prior to this class being offered at church. Here is the sequence of events: Jami had been self employed for 10 years or so. There were ups and downs during those years. Mostly ups until the past 18 months. Then, the downs were really down. Meaning for our family no paycheck. I'll be honest, I don't know how we have made it through those months. Then, about 2 months ago I sat down and talked with Jami about how I felt like it may be time for change. He was honest with me and told me that there was no way out of his business. Plus, there were no jobs available. Well, God had other plans than Jami. He did leave his business and he did get a job here in Greenville. Right when we found out that he got the job was when this class was beginning at church. How perfect it is to be off to a fresh start and have some advice on how to manage God's money better than we have in the past.

My ultimate goal is to be financially free from the tight hold that money has on us at the present time. We have a ton of work to do! The reason that I want to be financially free is so that we will have the opportunity to provide for others. In the past year, I think back to all the generous people that have helped our family in order to send EJ to Remuda Ranch. I also think about the day I went out to the mailbox and there was an envelope with a gift card to Publix and a Visa gift card as well. When I got that in the mail, we had nothing at that time and we were getting ready to go to Arizona for family week for 10 days. We had no money for food or traveling expenses. Trust me, it brought me to my knees to give God the glory for this gift. I want to have the freedom to do this for people who are in need like our family was at this time.

At this point I can only imagine how wonderful it will feel to be able to give to others. We have a long way to go and a lot of situations to work on, but Jami and I are both on board to get started. We did our budget Sunday without a single disagreement. The big thing for us right now is trying to figure out what to do about my car. We would love to sell it however we owe more on it than it is worth. Any suggestions?

Reasons to get my finances under control:

Good check up

2010-03-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

Today I had my wonderful mammogram and ultrasound. Thankfully, nothing abnormal was seem on the tests. So, in my opinion that is some good news and some not so good news. The good news of course is that there is nothing visible causing pain. On the not so good side, what in the world is causing this pain? I'll continue to give it time, hoping that it's possible a muscular issue. In the mean time, I desperately need sleep. It is painful lying down or taking a deep breath. I suppose it's a good thing I'm used to pain, huh? God gives it to those He feels can endure it, it's hard to think like this but I think it's true!

We had a fabulous weekend. The weather was perfect all weekend. We celebrated Jami's birthday Friday evening with friends at his favorite place, Mellow Mushroom. Saturday night we celebrated again with a bon fire in the back yard with our neighbors. We played lots of basketball, jumped on the trampoline, and waded in the creek during the day Saturday and Sunday. I am sooo looking forward to spring when everyday is like that.

Jami is really loving his new job. He is adjusting to everything and so are the rest of us. All three kids and myself went last week and had our teeth cleaned finally! We finally have health and dental benefits. It is a huge relief to not be concerned about whether we could afford medical care anymore.

Lack of maturity

2010-03-03T18:04:00.000-08:00

As I write this post, please remember that sometimes I write to just get thoughts out of my head. This is one of those. I am not writing for sympathy or for anyone to do anything, I am writing because I hurt inside.

Up until EJ was 5 or 6 years old she fit in great with her peers. She was able to play the same things that other girls her age played and got along with friends. However, as she ages and grows older basically she has stayed emotionally to the age of a 6 year old.

I have questioned at times whether the Aspergers shows more as she gets older or is it that her peers are maturing and she is staying the same. As others girls are growing more interested in fashion, looking pretty, and music, EJ is still at the stage where she wants to play with baby dolls. She struggles with self care issues, we saw this when we went to see her in AZ after her being away from home for 5 weeks.

As her mom, this really hurts. I long for her to have close friends and lasting relationships with other girls. At this time though, she has maybe one close friend. This one friend has about had it with EJ because of her bossiness and aggressive play. EJ tends to jump from one activity to another without finishing. Trust me, this is no fun for anyone.

At school, she tends to get along better with boys. She has had many conflicts with other girls in her class. During recess, EJ wants to hang upside down on the monkey bars. The other girls are chasing boys and singing together. I will say that she does a great job at encouraging kids at the school who struggle either academically or emotionally. She is so wonderful at doing this and helping kids who would otherwise have no one there to cheer them on throughout their day!

I am fully aware that there are lots of parents that have children with similar struggles as EJ or some with more struggles than EJ. I'm not downplaying anyone else's situations. I'm simply having a hard time right now as I am starting to realize that girls that are EJ's age are maturing and moving forward and it seems that EJ is stuck.

For my friends that knew EJ up until she was about the age of 6, they would never have noticed any social struggles. Like I said before, this is because she was able to interact appropriately up until that age. So, it surprises some of my friends when I explain what we are dealing with.

I can imagine that it will only continue to worsen as she reaches her adolescent years. I'll deal with those years when they get here. I'm just trying to conquer one day at a time.

One other thing that I have a really hard time with is the fact that EJ does not like to show affection. If I give her a hug or rub her back, she pushes me away and yells "boundaries" at me. This hurts!! Affection is how people typically connect with each other, especially moms and their kids. I love to hug on my kids!

So....one thing that I desire and you can pray for is that I find something that EJ and I are able to connect on. Maybe it will be something that we enjoy doing together or a subject that we are both interested in. EJ has this with Jami through their interest in art and music. But, I long for that one thing that I can connect with EJ on.

Change

2010-03-01T07:03:00.000-08:00

Jami started his new job last Friday. He is now employed by Scan Source. They are located on Pelham Road here in Greenville. I think his position is the Director of Interactive Marketing (whatever that means!). His first day went well. I felt like I was sending him off to kindergarten. We made sure he had all his supplies, clean clothes to wear, got up on time to get there, etc. Today didn't require so much planning for him to get out of the house. He'll get used to the routine quickly I'm sure! I'll have to say that I'm so proud of him. He worked so hard in his own business for 10+ years and was very successful. It was truly time for a change however. With all of our families' medical needs, we needed health insurance that would cover EJ's therapy and medications. We both feel the huge weight lifted off our shoulders already. Our benefits began today! Yea!

It seems that with good things happening, not so great things happen at the same time. For the past few weeks, I have had some intense pain under my right breast. I thought maybe it was a pulled muscle from the gym. I gave the weights a rest, but the pain continued. It was bad enough that I was having trouble sleeping and even breathing at times. This was in addition to the nerve pain that I've had on that side for years, so I know that it is something different. I went to the OB last Monday and was scheduled for a mammogram and ultrasound next Monday. The doctor felt something that he wanted to check out with a scan. Honestly, I am not overly concerned because if it was something that he was really worried about, he wouldn't have met wait two weeks for the tests. However, until the 8th, I have to suffer through being uncomfortable and not knowing what is going on.

I know that I've talked before about how N has been struggling at his new school with making friends. Well, he got in with a sweet group of boys that he really enjoys and they have lots in common too. There are 4 of them that are always together at school. Last week, I found out that one of his buddies is really sick with cancer. He had been in remission until this past summer and it returned. N had talked about his friend missing one day of school every week to go to chemo, but he always acted like it was no big deal. In February, it was found out that the cancer had spread and things did not look good. He is not at school anymore and hospice has been called in. I have spent lots of time praying for this family. I honestly can't imagine what his parents and brother are going through. All I can do is lift them up in prayer and reach out to them in any way possible. As for N, he has been really sad. I'm trying to get him together with his other friends from school. I've explained to him how important that this group of friends support each other because they are all going through this together. I'm sure that this group of boys will be life long friends after going through this situation together. It is so hard to talk about it with N, but I know how important it is to prepare him for what is coming.

EJ had a fabulous 10 days until last Tuesday/Wednesday. Who knows what happened then, but she decided to stop eating and hasn't really gotten back on board yet. I know why she did so good for that 10 days. We had lots of fun things going on around here and she didn't want to miss any family fun. We had my birthday, the circus, and a trip to visit family in NC. She did not want to be grounded and miss any of these fun events! Well, now that we are back to our same ol stuff, there is nothing in her opinion that she will be missing out on if she is grounded to her room. So, there she is, stuck in her room except for going to school. Trust me, this is the ONLY thing that works for EJ. No other kinds of punishment seem to work.

We are also having major issues with EJ lying. I'm not talking about itty bitty lies (I know all lies are equal really), but in my opinion these are biggies. I won't go into details about these lies, but through them she has hurt and manipulated teachers, friends, and our family. It terrifies me what will happen in the future if we don't get a grasp on this issue with lying. I think more than anything, it hurts me. It hurts that I know that I didn't raise my kids thinking that it's OK to lie to get what they want. That SO goes against what the bible has taught us and what we have taught our children. Help!

Lately, the kids have cracked me up with their questions. We have talked with the kids about EJ being diagnosed with Aspergers. Now, when EJ does something out of the ordinary, N will look at me and ask "does she do that because of the Aspergers?". EJ does the same kind of thing. After prayers at night she'll ask to talk to me alone. She'll ask me questions like "sometimes I have the urge to hurt people, is this the Aspergers?" Sometimes the questions take my breath away, but I try not to act shocked and just simply give the best answer that comes to mind. And O, last night he told me that EJ HAS to eat a burger for dinner (we were having hot dogs). I asked him why? He said it was because she has Aspergers, so that means she has to eat lots of burgers.

We don't mention EJ having Aspergers much unless she is behaving in a way that the boys don't understand. Then, we explain to them that this is not really EJ, but it is the Aspergers coming through. So, it's funny that they pick up on subtle little things that they hear.

Well, it looks like we are in for another dose of snow tomorrow. I think after this one I'll be ready for spring. I love getting out and playing in the snow with the kids, but I sure don't love all the laundry that goes with it!

Isn't there a manual for this?

2010-02-15T13:19:00.000-08:00

I honestly never thought that parenting would be this tough....

Most moms (and dads) feel this way a good part of the time I'm sure. The past 10 days I've told myself this over and over again. I wish that there was a guide for parenting, especially parenting a child with Aspergers and an eating disorder. If there was a step by step guide, I guarantee you that I would follow it precisely.

I am finding it very challenging to parent EJ day to day when obstacles are constantly being thrown my way. Sometimes the obstacle is an eating issue, sometimes it is a behavior issue, sometimes it is an issue with friends or teachers, and sometimes it is all of these at once. This past week, it was everything!

Jami and I are learning as we go along how to handle certain situations. Our big challenge right now is staying focused while at school. EJ has never seemed to have a problem staying on task with school work. She is forgetting the books she needs to take from class to class. Then, she is forgetting to bring the correct things home to do homework in the afternoons. So, last week she had homework detention 5 days. We've talked with her about mentally going through what she needs to complete work and evidently that is not working. I suggested making a list of things she needs to take from class to class and to bring home to do homework. We'll see how this works this week. The other thing is that once she is in class she is constantly wanting to leave class to use the bathroom, go to see other teachers, or who knows what else. Somehow through all these problems, she maintains A's in most of her classes. I just worry what will happen when more is expected of her as she goes on to 5th grade next year, then middle school.

Any suggestions would be great!

She is doing fairly well with her eating this week. She is still taking 6 bites of her meals. This is still not enough food, but at least she is not backsliding. We went to Moe's Sunday and she had 1/4th of a cheese quesadilla. That was HUGE! Yes, she did it for a cookie, but we were still thrilled with how much she ate.

Our reward/consequence chart is going great. The kids think that it's fun that Jami and I are also working on things. I definitely have seen a decrease in behaviors we are trying to get rid of with all the kids. O especially is doing great at not teasing EJ and N. He is much more aware of his teasing and how it hurts others in our family. I am doing better at not picking up after the kids all the time. When I ask them to pick something up, I have to let them do it and not do it for them. I earn computer time if I go a week without cleaning up after the kids. So far, so good!

Some friends have asked how we do meal times. Here is just a brief description of what it looks like:

1. We have what is on the menu, I never change anything around from what is listed. The consistency provides EJ comfort about knowing what to expect with food.

2. Once we sit down to the table, I set the timer for 30 minutes. We have this amount of time to complete our meal time. EJ had been dragging meals out, so this is why we have the time limit.

3. Typically I will put the amount of food on the kids plates that I think is a serving for them. They are not allowed to complain or argue about what is on their plate.

4. EJ is responsible for cutting her six bites of food and showing us how big her bites are going to be. She is not allowed to cut or tear these bites into smaller portions.

5. While we are eating we do not talk about food AT ALL. This means we don't ask whether she likes the food, etc. We have a game at the table called "Table Talk" that we will play while we eat. This takes the focus off of the food.

6. If EJ does eat, we do not congratulate her or even acknowledge that she did it. She says it makes her very anxious and doesn't like the attention when we do this.

7. When the buzzer goes off after 30 minutes, the meal is over. No questions asked, no extended time. It is over.

8. If EJ completed her 6 bites of everything on her plate, she can continue with the rest of the night and spend time with the family, have a piece of Dove (my fav!), or do whatever until it's time to get ready for bed.

9. If EJ doesn't eat her 6 bites, she has to go to her room and stay in her room with no electronics until the next meal. So, if it is at dinner, she's there until the next am. If it is a school day and she doesn't eat breakfast, then she serves her time when she comes home from school until dinner time. We did try other things if she didn't eat, but nothing else was successful. This seems to work for right now.

This does mean that I need to stay on top of things. We change out the menu every 3 weeks. So, every 3 weeks, I create a new menu. But once it is created, I have it for a while. I do know exactly what I need at the store each week because of the menu. I also have found that I am spending less at the grocery store!
Trust me, there are lots of nights when I really want to have cereal or sandwiches for dinner, but I remind myself I have to stick with the meal plan for the benefit of our family.

Now for some fabulous news.......
Jami is no longer going to be "self unemployed"!!!! I have been praying about his job for a long time. If you have been reading this for a while, you know that he was in marketing and advertising for resort real estate. This area was hit hard in the past couple of years with the economy. Our family has struggled with bills, mortgage, and groceries for quite some time now. Jami was asked to interview for a job here in Greenville and on Friday had another meeting with this company. Today, he accepted the job.

He has been self employed for as long as I can remember. There are perks to being self employed with flexibility. However, at this time our family really needs a predictable income and health insurance. This is what his new job will provide. The health benefits are absolutely wonderful, they will cover a lot of EJ's therapy, meds, etc.

Also, this means that he will not be working out of our home anymore. Now that will feel strange for me. For the past year, I have not been alone in our home more that once or twice.

I'll share more about what he'll be doing and where he'll be working soon.

Here are some pics from our most recent snow. This time it was REAL snow. It was beautiful and we ended up getting about 4". So we spent the day Saturday sledding, making snowmen, and throwing snow balls. And we were out for the night about 7pm!

K and EJ up to no good!

O getting ready to hit the hill

N taking a break from playing

K, J, and O enjoying the snow as it was falling

Feeling blessed

2010-02-10T13:54:00.000-08:00

Let me just tell you how blessed our family is. The list could go on and on and on.....but here are just a few reasons!

Loving friends and family who lift us up in prayer
Being surrounded by people who care about our family
All 5 of us are healthy
Our needs are met on a daily basis
Our kids have 4 awesome grandparents!
We have fun together as a family making memories
A yard that the kids and our pup can run and play with neighbors in

See what I mean! I feel so fortunate especially when I take a step back from my every day situations and look at the big picture. The little things really don't matter.

Down the road I'm not going to look back and remember the fit my 9 year old threw when I told him it was time to leave the skating rink. I'm not going to remember the small amount of bickering my kids do with each other. I'm not going to remember whether the kids went to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 on a school night. Although these things seem like a big deal throughout my day, really, are they? I don't think so. I'd much rather focus on making wonderful memories with Jami and our children. I'd much rather impact other peoples lives through actions of kindness and generosity than on petty little things.

Trust me, I'll have to come back and read this on a day when I'm about to pull my hair out over something small. It takes being reminded constantly. I'm going to strive to cherish the moments with my family that God has blessed me with.

Bummed

2010-02-05T13:13:00.000-08:00

I'm a bit bummed. Let me tell you why.

I found out about this awesome conference in Chapel Hill, NC about parenting a child that has Asperger's syndrome. My mom and I were planning on attending together today. Well, every possible obstacle to me going got in the way. Jami had been wanting to come with me but needed to go to WV to a meeting yesterday. So I planned to take the three kids and stay with my parents and my mom and I could go together to the conference. Well, EJ got THE stomach bug Wednesday am and the remnants were lingering around still yesterday. This would be obstacle #1. Next, the weather was going to be yucky all day today both here in Greenville and in Chapel Hill. Obstacle #2. And finally, my car needs tires and my loving and concerned husband decided it wouldn't be safe for me to drive on the highway in potentially bad weather (I suppose I agree). Obstacle #3.

So, here I sit in the warmth of my own home. I was really hoping the conference would have gotten rescheduled due to bad weather, but I was not so fortunate. Hopefully, my mom will have lots to share with me about things she learned today.

I enjoyed a day off work today. At the MRCA Christmas party, I won a paid day off. I had planned on taking today to go out of town. Since obstacles #1 - #3 got in the way, I went ahead and took it off. Jami and I got to spend some time together, he had a day with very few meetings planned. The two of us went to eat rectangle pizza with N at his school. N thinks it's the best thing since sliced bread. What he doesn't realize is that I ate the exact same pizza growing up! It was fun listening to 9 year old boys talk about their lives. They are still at a cute age and haven't hit the age of girls and whatever else preteen boys are in to.

This afternoon, Jami and I went to O's "pepper rally". All week O has been talking about the "pepper rally" and something about sneezing. I put it together last night that he was talking about the PEP rally at his school. The first graders were so adorable doing a cheer to a Hannah Montana song. O is so NOT into drawing attention to himself. He was just barely shaking those tiny hips and doing the hand movements. I loved it! What great memories I will have!

EJ is struggling today with eating. She refused to eat breakfast. I even made cinnamon toast! She told me she just couldn't do it....UGH! So, that meant that after school she had to spend the afternoon in her room until dinner with NO privileges. And as smart as she is...why eat lunch since she already was going to have to pay the price for not eating breakfast? So, no lunch today either. I'm praying for a better dinner experience. Hopefully, we'll have a good weekend and not have food issues all weekend!

A little bit of consistancy would be great

2010-02-01T12:31:00.000-08:00

We have had a much better week with EJ and her eating. After her therapy appointments last Tuesday it was decided that her consequences for choosing not to eat were not great enough. So, the dietitian decided that it EJ does not eat 6 bites of everything that is served at each meal, then she has ZERO privileges until the next meal and she can try again. This seems to be working rather well.

Yesterday for lunch she refused to eat anything at all, nothing. I saw the fear and anxiety creeping in and her shutting down. So, I followed through and told her to go to her room until dinner. She had no TV, no Ipod, no video games, no friends. She could color and play with dolls and read books. When it was dinner time, she came to the table and did her 6 bites of noodles, edamame, and garlic bread. Yea! Success is grand, huh!

We will see if this continues to be a big enough motivator for her to be consistent with her eating. She also gets rewarded if she eats 6 bites of everything for 3 days in a row. She gets to choose a prize from our prize basket.

Friday night we had some winter weather come through. I say "winter weather" because I truly don't know exactly what the white colored stuff on the ground was. I do know that whatever it was provided a fun experience for the entire family. Our power stayed on this time, so I made lemon poppyseed muffins and we drank hot cocoa (and coffee) and played our favorite board game, Blockus. Then, we went to the pool parking lot and went sledding for a couple of hours. For lunch we had yummy grilled cheese and tomato soup (what a perfect day for it to be on our menu!). We finished off our fun day by watching the movie "Up". I loved it and the kids did too!

The kids had a snow day today so we have been hanging out in the kids fort they made with a gazillion blankets and pillows. EJ and N are bummed because the make up day for missing school today is May 28th, their birthday. O told them that he was going to ALLOW them to stay home from school that day. I explained to him that it was not his decision whether to keep them home from school. It was very thoughtful of him however. He truly does them them SO much even though he teases them non stop!

Please continue to keep Jami's job in your prayers. He is working really hard to keep things afloat and doing a great job at it. I know that it is really stressful for him though with the financial situation of our country at this time and trying to provide for our family.

I'll try to post some snice (snow/ice) day pictures soon. Here they are:

EJ ready for take off!

O waiting on his turn

N planning his next attack on the girls

Happy Birthday to K, EJ's most wonderful friend ever!

See, even mom had fun!

Watch out girls!

EJ evidently didn't enjoy the surprise attack by her brother

Patch had the time of his life! Along with 3 other pups...

Happy dog!!!

Wisdom

2010-01-23T11:24:00.001-08:00

Thankfully we were able to get a prescription for something to help EJ to sleep. Last night was her first night taking it and neither Jami nor I were awakened by our girl roaming around the house in the middle of the night. She said she woke up a lot still but I have high hopes for tonight as her body adjusts to the medication.

Another plus for this same med is that it also stimulates her appetite. My hope is that it will make her hungrier for the meals and NOT for junk food. She is getting discouraged with herself because all her jeans are too big now because of losing weight. We have the elastic waist bands pulled as tight as they will go and her jeans still fall down.

I am driving to the Charlotte area tomorrow to see some college friends from ASU. One of my friends is a Southern Living rep for this area and is having a party tomorrow afternoon. She is donating the proceeds to help with the remainder of EJ's Remuda Ranch bill. Thank you Amie and Angie for hosting. It will be so wonderful to see this group of friends that I have not seen in quite a few years. I am a bit nervous about driving tomorrow though. Evidently there is going to be a ton a rain throughout the day and there are already flood watches in place. I hope that doesn't change any of the plans!

The kids got their report cards this week and I am so proud of them. We have had lots of distractions this past semester with things going on at home and all the kids continued to bring home outstanding grades. Yea! I try to reinforce to them that good study and homework habits are essential now and will be a good foundation for down the road academically.

The mail came yesterday and I saw another one of the billing statements from BCBS. Sad to say, but typically I just toss them aside because it's so overwhelming to open up one after another bill just reminding me how much we owe. Yesterday was different! We reached our out of pocket deductible for this year as of now. Our "year" is from April 15 - April 15, so I think we'll try to get in some appointments that we have been putting off due to not having the money to pay for them. Also, I think that meds will be covered fully now that we met the deductible. I'm still learning how all the HSA stuff works.

During my bible studies this week, something that I am focusing on is praying for wisdom. Wisdom is essential is my everyday life all day long. I need wisdom to make wise decisions, wisdom to be the mom that my kids need, wisdom to be the wife God desires me to be to Jami, and wisdom in making financial decisions regarding our family. And many other ways also I need wisdom daily....

Very sleep deprived

2010-01-19T17:31:00.000-08:00

Well, we have had a really rough 10 days here at home.

Imagine this, no food + no sleep = miserable!

So EJ is not eating well at all. She is sometimes going 2-3 days without eating any meals. On top of that she is not sleeping well. Last night she woke up at 2 a.m. and did not go back to sleep. Fortunately there was no school today. Because of these conditions, EJ is irritable and very difficult to be around to say the least. She has been not so nice to her best friend up the street and to her brothers.

She is also falling asleep during the day because of not sleeping at night. It is so bad that she actually fell asleep while playing outside with neighbors on our trampoline. How in the world do you do that? Needless to say, I am concerned....

We are continuing to see her dietitian and therapist every Tuesday. I call it "Therapeutic Tuesday". I love her treatment team and am so happy that we are all working together on helping EJ overcome her eating disorder. The therapist met with Jami and I today to come up with goals for each family member to be working on. I think I have my work cut out for me! I'm not allowed to clean up after the rest of the family if I ask them to clean something up. Now that is going to be a huge challenge for me!

The weather for the past 2 days has been spectacular! We went to the park yesterday with friends and spent as much time as possible outside. Today, I took Patch on a walk while the boys rode their bikes for a couple of miles around the neighborhood. Oh, spring can't get here soon enough. Although I really do want ONE great snow!

Please be praying for me as I mother one very tired, grumpy, hungry girl. Also, please pray for Jami's job as he is working so hard to provide for our family while the economy is not helping. As I am asking for these prayers, I think to myself how thankful I am for our situation. We have a home, a car, and each other. So many people in Haiti lost EVERYTHING. It truly breaks my heart to think of all that was lost that day last week during the earthquake.

The traveling tooth

2010-01-09T07:09:00.001-08:00

I am writing this out just so that I can remember it when I am old and possibly gray. Some may find it humorous, I know I do!

Back in November when we were in Wickenburg for family week with EJ we stayed in an apartment that was owned by Remuda Ranch. There were two bedrooms and two baths, a kitchen, and a small living area. My mom was out there with Jami and I and the boys for 10 days.

While we were there one evening, O (our 7 year old) lost his 5th tooth. By this point losing a tooth was not such a huge deal for him, or us for that matter since he is our youngest of three kids. He put it under his pillow in the bed that he and I were sharing. I was in such a tired and emotionally exhausted state that I really didn't feel like getting out of bed after "being the tooth fairy". So, I slipped a dollar under his pillow and tossed the tooth into some tissue and threw the tissue into my purse so no one would find the tooth that the fairy was supposed to have taken away. Done and forgotten, right? I would have thought so for sure, hey it was a itty bitty baby tooth.

Fast forward to the next day. This day was our truth in love session with EJ. It was a very serious day talking with her about how her eating disorder was impacting the life of our family. She was asked to find something in the room that would represent her eating disorder. Some of you may remember that she chose a hair brush because it was prickly and could hurt you. Well, she dug this hair brush out of my pocket book. It was one of those folding hair brushes with the little mirror on one side of it.

Evidently, when EJ pulled the hair brush out of my purse the tooth that I had so thoughtlessly tossed in there the night before had gotten stuck in the brush. When EJ opened the brush, it must have fallen onto the beige shag carpet in the room we were in. Our session was very long and intense that day, especially for a 9 year old girl with a fairly short attention span. So, we took several breaks to give her a rest. After one of the breaks before our therapist came back into the room, EJ told us she had found a tooth while she was sitting on the floor. We asked her what kind of tooth? She said "you know, a human tooth". I had totally forgotten about putting it in my pocket book the night before. Well, she had found it. So much for her still believing in the tooth fairy! And, what's a mom to do with a tooth at this point? I tossed it back into my purse of course!

Then, we had to explain to the therapist when she came back into the room what EJ had found in the carpet. Actually it's a good thing that one of us found it and NOT one of the therapists or another patient. That would have been a bit creepy and gross. The therapists thought that it was really funny and gave us all a comic relief in the midst of so much serious talk.

Now, fast forward again to January 8th. O had a fever, cough, and snotty nose for a week. So, off to the doctor we go. We had to wait for a while back in one of the rooms for Dr. M to see us. O was a bit nervous, he hates going to the doctor. So, he was quite restless. While in one of his squirmy fits he accidentally knocked my pocket book over. I picked up the contents and put my purse in another chair away from him and we went on waiting by reading magazines and books. Dr. M came in and saw O and sure enough he had a sinus infection. And home we went.

Later that afternoon around 5:30 Dr. M called our house. Hmmm, why would the doctor be calling? She asked me if there was any chance that O lost a tooth while in the room at the office earlier in the day. I thought about it, yes, we were wiggling his baby teeth to see if he had any loose ones. But, I was certain none had come out. I even walked back to O's room and looked in his mouth to see if he was missing any. Nope, all accounted for. So, I told her it must not be his.
And I hung up the phone.

I told Jami that the doctor and called and how strange it was that they had found a tooth in the room we had been in. Then, it hit me! It was THE TOOTH! When my purse was knocked over, the tooth that I had forgotten about for the past two months fell out of it and landed on the couch in the office. The nurse that was cleaning the room had found it somehow. This itty, bitty, baby tooth. I called back and clarified with the office staff that yes, that was O's tooth. When asked if I needed it, I said NO! Please dispose of it, PLEASE! So, I really think this is the end of the story of the traveling tooth. I think this time it is really, really gone. For good!

Another first

2010-01-05T17:37:00.000-08:00

Today was a crazy busy day, but I'll have to say it was good none the less. O was out of school again today due to a fever he has had since last Saturday. He has a yucky cough and a junky nose just like half the other kids in America right now. I'm hoping he'll go back to school tomorrow.

Jami is traveling for the first time in quite a while, so he wasn't around to help me juggle a sick kiddo and all the appointments scheduled for today. But hey, if the traveling turns into business I'm all for it!

EJ's final blood work came back perfectly normal today. I am honestly amazed! How can a child not eat and everything be OK? At least that is one less thing for me to worry about right now. Not that I ever worry, hehe....

Before Jami left town this morning he and I met with a family therapist here in Greenville. I am really excited to begin working with him, I think he will be awesome for our family. Not only will he work with EJ on her eating, but will work on our family as a whole. He also will meet one on one with the boys and talk with them about anything that is concerning them (i.e. the meal plan). Unfortunately, I will have to get the kids out of school for our appointments every Tuesday since that is the only time slot he has open at this time. My thought on this is that this therapy is one of the most important things our family can be doing at this stage in our lives. I'm pretty sure that both of the schools will support us in this and help out in any way possible.

And here is some exciting news....
I took the kids to IHOP for dinner tonight. I discussed with them what we would be ordering before we got there so they would be prepared. O and I split a sausage and cheese omelet and pancakes. N ordered chicken tenders. And are you ready for this? EJ ordered her own food (mom, are you surprised?). She wanted french toast and that is what she got. It did come with bacon, something she does not really eat yet. O gladly ate her bacon. EJ ended up eating ALL the french toast including the crust. If we hadn't of been in the middle of IHOP I probably would have either stood on the chair and started clapping or fallen on my knees and thanked God right there. Well, I did thank God, just not on my knees in IHOP. I wish that Jami would have been there to experience such a tremendous moment with us, we'll have to take him with us when he's back in town.

So far so good

2010-01-04T13:59:00.000-08:00

I did end up taking EJ to the doctor for blood work to be done today. She was a trooper with getting stuck! Fortunately, it only took one try. Unfortunately, while I was at work I got a call saying we needed to come back in because one of the vials had clotted.
So, back we went after school this afternoon. This time, only a finger prick. EJ did fabulous and didn't complain a bit. When I told her that we needed to go back again she said "you've got to be kidding me!" Trust me, I said the same thing.
Her doctor just called me with the results that she has so far. She said that everything looks OK so far. I am relieved that her electrolytes are not out of whack. We are still waiting on her hemoglobin level to come back. That should be some time tomorrow.
So for now, we will continue to focus on eating here at home and go to our appointments with the dietitian and counselor.
Also, the family therapist that we were trying to get in with had a cancellation and can see Jami and I tomorrow morning. God continues to be constantly at work in our lives. His presence is seen through her blood work coming back normal so far and also in that the family therapist can see us tomorrow when we so desperately need some direction.

100th post and more

2010-01-03T14:30:00.000-08:00

As I was getting ready to write this blog, I saw that it was going to be my 100th post. Wow! Pretty amazing to me since I really hate to write and I also told Jami that I would never blog. My, how things change! Things really have changed from my very first post in November of 2008.

Our family has gone through a lot and have grown during these trials. We have learned a lot about each other and how we work as a unit. We have surely had our downs with as Jami calls it "self unemployment" and are still working through the economy we have been dealt. The twins are at a different school this year, so we are continuing to adjust to this change. I am still in pain most days from nerve damage due to gallbladder surgery in July of 2005. And, most of all we finally got EJ the help she needed by her going to Remuda Ranch for sixty days. I suppose I picked a good time to start blogging. I can't imagine what my emotional state would be if I didn't get my thoughts out of my head. I love clearing my mind by writing and feel refreshed afterward. I think I'll continue to blog even if/when things calm down in our home. Even if it is boring! I'll take boring for sure!

I haven't done it yet, but I'm sure if I went back and read through my first posts I would be able to see the areas of my life that I have grown. And, I'm sure I'd notice areas that need serious improvement too. I know that I have grown in my relationship with Christ. I find myself praying at the most random times in the most random places. I'm reading my bible more consistently (not every day, hint to self, this is an area to grow!). I've learned how to let go of my problems and hand them over to God. This is hard, but I am learning it is much more painful to hold on tight gripped and white knuckled to all the things I talked about in the previous paragraph than to loosen my grip and slowly let God have His way.

This is my first post of this new year of 2010. My opinion on a new year differs from most people. I don't set new years resolutions, I hate doing it. My reason is that I am confident that I am given second chances from God every time I ask for forgiveness from my sins. So, why make all these changes at one certain point during the year when I can have a fresh start any time through God's forgiveness? Plus, how many people do you know that actually keep their new years resolutions "forever"? Now, there are plenty of things that I need to work on like not being critical of Jami or the kids, spending more quality time with each of the kids (AND with Jami), and finding time for myself in the midst of chaos. But these are all things that I can work on without making a promise to myself and anyone around me on December 31st.

I have had a few rough days with pain, probably due to doing too much around the house. I decided it would be great to have all the Christmas stuff down and put away and clean the entire house all in one day. Not the best idea I guess....I can be a bit (a lot) stubborn at times and I simply just wanted it done. Also, it has been sooo cold the past couple of days which has made the pain worse. Thank goodness I can go to sleep and wake up the next morning with a fresh start and not hurting so badly.

EJ is stuck with her willingness to eat for the past couple of weeks. Honestly, I know that she is not doing well health wise. She is pale and I can tell she has lost weight (our scale is put away). She keeps telling me she feels dizzy and light headed. So, it's a good thing that we meet with her dietitian, counselor, psychiatrist, and pediatrician in the next 10 days. Of course, if she worsens we'll get her checked out right away. When we go to her primary doctor next week, she will have all of her blood levels checked to see how they look. I have a feeling that her hemoglobin is low due to the lack of protein that she is consuming. This would explain why she is so pale. So far, she still has lots of energy and is having a great time with her brothers and friends. The problem is that if she meets her eating requirements at meals and snacks, then it is only 4 bites of everything on her plate. This is where she was with eating when she came home a month ago. She should have moved up with portion sizes, but that is not happening. Once again, very frustrating! She is stuck on this "number 4" thing with the number of bites that she has to eat. Like I said, this is the same place that she was when she came home from Remuda. Don't get me wrong, she has made humongous progress. I wouldn't have done anything differently. Do you know how awesome of a feeling that it is to be making ONE meal for our family AND we are eating it together? Yes, this is how most families do meals but this has been a struggle forever for our family.

Jami and I sometimes wonder with certain behaviors of EJ's whether it is due to Aspergers or if she really doesn't get something that we are asking her. She is hyperfocused in certain areas of her life like around foods, we know that this is the Aspergers. We also are aware that her being focused on the number of bites she should eat at meals (FOUR) is part of the Aspergers. However, we question whether when she asks us the same thing over and over are part of a nine year old or whether it is due to Aspergers. I am looking on finding a support group in our area to talk with other parents who are having similar struggles with a child who has been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.

That's it for now. I am off to pack lunches for tomorrow. I really wish that Christmas break would last longer. I've enjoyed having everyone home with no agenda! I guess the madness starts back tomorrow with school, work, and appointments. Summer will be here before I know it, huh?

Oh, and one more thing. A lot of people have asked where we are with finishing off paying for EJ's therapy at Remuda. We are getting really close, I will have Jami update the 40thousandpeople website when we have a final amount. I believe we now owe only between $3,000 and $3500. I am still amazed at how generous people have been to help our family. Thanks again!

Our Christmas

2009-12-27T19:15:00.000-08:00

We enjoyed a Christmas eve full of our own traditions that we have established as The Mullikin Family. This year Grace Church had two Christmas Eve services. We chose to go to the 5 o'clock service so we could get home at a decent time with the kids. The church was busting at the seams without a doubt! Jami and I and the kids sat upstairs in an overflow room and watched (and participated in) the service. Two of our kids fell asleep but we were there as a family none the less. And we enjoyed the fellowship and celebration of Christs' birth.

When we got home we enjoyed our tradition of veggie burgers and fries (just kidding on the tradition thing!). Really, that was what was on our menu for that night so we stuck with it. After dinner, we got out the sleeping bags and lounged on the floor in the den and watch "The Christmas Story". You know, you'll shoot your eye out kid. It was a relatively peaceful evening...

Christmas morning the kids woke Jami and I up at 7:30 eager to see what Santa brought. They were all pleased to see Rock Band waiting for them in the den. We opened up several gifts and then spent time together. O requested that I make the same breakfast pizza that my mom made for me growing up. So, I made a pizza with croissant rolls, sausage, hash browns, eggs, and cheese for breakfast. Yummy!

We had a busy day ahead of us on Christmas, but had time for a little Rock Band before getting down to business. Jami reminded me that I definitely was NOT a singer. I'd have to agree although it is fun to try. So, then it was time to pack and go over to Jami's parents home. We enjoyed spending time with them and Jami's brother and his kids. Then, it was off to NC to see my family. As you can tell, we packed a lot in one day. Not exactly the simple Christmas I had previously wrote about, but I would not have traded it in for anything else. It was great to see so much of our families all on Christmas day. We did miss seeing my younger brother and his wife and daughter, hopefully we'll catch them soon!

We relaxed once again at my parents in Chapel Hill. Ate some great food fresh from the garden. Spent tons of family time. And made memories. We went to church this morning with them and got to meet some of the people that have been praying for us throughout the past few months. Also, we met a couple that helped out tremendously in making it possible for EJ to go to Remuda at the last minute. They were so kind to help our family and didn't even know us or my parents. God surely orchestrated everything so perfectly for EJ to go to Remuda when she did. It took a lot of situations lining up perfectly and God made it all happen.

EJ has struggled as I expected she would over the past several days. I can look in her eyes and see the anxiety creeping in when it comes to eating. I wish that I could see the confidence that I saw the first few days after she came home every time she eats. I pray that day will come. I don't know how she feels inside, but I can see the hurt in her eyes. And as a mom, it hurts me over and over again every time she struggles. I struggle when she struggles, which right now is about six times a day (3 meals and 3 snacks). I so badly want to see that look of confidence that she had when she knew she could conquer any challenge. That look appears every few days and I look forward to the time that I will see it again soon! It truly warms my heart!

I will add some pictures from Christmas when we get back to Greenville in the next few days. I think I got some good ones to share!

Watching "The Christmas Story"

Our elf, "Nat"

And the stocking were hung by the chimney with care.....

O, getting some much needed sleep Christmas Eve

Jami, getting some much needed sleep Christmas Eve (Hehehe!)

EJ choosing a gift from Papa's "money tree"

The aftermath

The traditional breakfast pizza

O checking out his magnetic kit

What a compliment!

2009-12-22T18:46:00.000-08:00

So, the day finally came today. At dinner, I was told by my 9 year old EJ that I was a great chef. OK, so it was only french toast, bacon, and banana. BUT, from my little girl who had never eaten cooked food several months ago, what can I say besides I was very flattered.

EJ had a big turn around the past two days. She woke up saying that she was going to meet all of her requirements and sure enough she did. She has lost weight because of not eating enough, but I am hopeful that as she gets used to eating foods, she will increase the amount that she eats. So, as I mentioned in my previous blog, this will be a roller coaster. It looks like we are heading up at the moment!

The boys gave me an awful time tonight at dinner as EJ was eating so great. N broke down when we told him that he was going to have to increase the amount he was trying at each meal. O broke down over a taste of banana. I'm not talking about just pouting, but a full melt down with tears and all. Oh well, we all can't be happy all at once. I am however so proud of EJ and the fears that she overcomes each and every time she puts food to her little lips.

We talked with her dietitian today about possible ways to handle the next 5-6 days with celebrating Christmas with family and friends. She will still need to meet her goals with eating and then she will get the treats that will be readily available. Hopefully we will quickly adjust back to our meal routine after spending time with our loved ones and enjoying some yummy foods (that I won't be preparing!).

I have said this before but I'll say it once again. I am so thankful for the generosity of others toward our family. Yes, we have struggled for quite some time now. But I am well aware that so many others are going through hard times as well. I will continue to lift others up in my prayers because I personally know how hard it is to struggle. We all struggle in different ways whether with finances, health issues, or relationships. We serve a sovereign God who will take care of our needs and will provide for us when we see no other way possible.

Roller Coasters

2009-12-17T13:33:00.000-08:00

I'm glad that I got a couple of "good news" posts in right after EJ got home. I anticipated having ups and downs once she arrived home. Currently, we have been heading down the roller coaster since Sunday. I don't know how much further we are going to drop. I'm sure it's possible that we are no where near the bottom of our ride, however the past few days it feels like it.

I need to remind myself constantly that we are no where near our starting point of where we were when EJ went to Remuda in September. Even as I write this after having several rough days I can see how far we have come. I'll tell you the positive changes. I'm making only one meal for the family. We can go out to a meal without EJ having to bring food from home. The boys are improving their eating habits. There are several foods that EJ is willing to eat without too much pressure from Jami or I. Meal times are more enjoyable overall. Praise God for these wonderful improvements!

I have no idea what happened with EJ's progress she was making initially when she arrived home two weeks ago. Sunday, she stopped eating her four bites of her meal at lunch and dinner and then since then has not met her daily requirements for eating. The end of last week she had a slight cold. Then, Sunday she was telling me that she was having stomach cramps. Both of these issues are now cleared up and she has no physical complaints.

EJ has been lying about eating food at school, has thrown away her food when I'm not looking, and simply refusing to try food from her meal plan in the evenings. I have stuck to her meal plan that was sent home from Remuda exactly. We have a reward system set up with the stars to earn for meeting each snack/meal requirement of the day. O and N got their first reward today! EJ has had to sit out after dinner for 20 minutes every evening since Sunday. It does not seem that any consequence is big enough for her to get back on track. As you can tell, I'm frustrated.

I took EJ to her dietitian and therapist appointments on Tuesday. Her dietitian and I went through every question that I had from what consists of "a bite" to how long meals should last. I felt like we covered every single thing that could possibly come up. Sure enough when I got home with her, we had something else come up that was a loophole. I wish that it was simple enough just to say "eat your dinner" and it would happen. Or even, just for me to tell her to take her four bites of food and it to happen WITHOUT all the drama! I'm so tired of drama and I have a feeling it's only the beginning.

So, I'm asking for continued prayers for our family. For EJ to get back on track from where she was. For Jami and I as we are pouring our time and effort into shopping for foods, preparing meals, and encouraging her to eat 7 times a day. And also, for me to stay focused on how far we have come and set my eyes on small goals and accomplishments and not to become overwhelmed with the entire eating thing.

My hope is that we will be able to enjoy this upcoming week with Christmas coming. My hope is that our focus will be on celebrating Jesus' birthday and spending time together as a family. My hope is that we will start heading UP on the roller coaster.

We have our tree

2009-12-14T12:51:00.000-08:00

REALLY EJ, YOU WANT A CHARLIE BROWN TREE?

AFTER MUCH ROAMING AND WAY TOO MANY PHOTOS

AND TONS OF SILLINESS BY A CERTAIN FAMILY MEMBER

THE MULLIKIN'S 2009 CHRISTMAS TREE WAS CHOSEN

AND EVIDENTLY JAMI NEEDED TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO 3 EAGER SETS OF EARS

Good times

2009-12-13T12:07:00.001-08:00

We have had a fantastic seven days as a family!

EJ's welcome home gathering was perfect. Jami did a great job at getting the event organized last minute. Wes Pickering was a pleasure to spend time with and is phenomenal at what he does. He has loads of talent with his singing and songwriting. He is a wonderful witness to others through his music. I know many people last Saturday were touched after listening to him. Thank you Wes for sharing a day or two with our family!

Sunday we had another gathering with our friends The Balls and The Turners. Both of these families are like family to us and to EJ. It was awesome to see the five kids having fun together again and also spending time together. While EJ was gone, it just wasn't the same when we got our families together. There was that extra spunk missing (that would be EJ!).

I'll have to say that I am so pleased and proud of my entire family with their eating. All three kids AND Jami are working hard to eat what is served with few complaints. For me, it is glorious to fix only ONE meal for the family AND it gets eaten. I feel that we now have the tools and skills from Remuda to help our family to continue these new and wonderful habits. I realize that for some people the "norm" is for the mom to prepare one meal and everyone is expected to eat it. So, it may not seem like such a big deal, however I never thought we would be here after trying off and on for years. All of us are working together making efforts to help our family grow closer together instead of being divided over what we will or will not eat. I am blessed in so many ways!

EJ's appointments are going well with her therapist and dietitian. Her dietitian and I were able to come up with a reward/consequence system to use with the kids. They can earn one star per snack/meal throughout the day. Once they have a certain number of stickers on their chart they can have a reward. EJ's rewards are all about rearranging her room and redecorating. The boys have different rewards for earning their stars. I tried to come up with rewards that would motivate them each to strive to push themselves to try their food. N and O are working toward Bakugan/Pokemon cards. I also tried to make some of the rewards about doing something special that does not cost money, like spending special time with mom or dad doing something fun. None of the rewards revolve around eating, we made sure of this! So far the reward system is going well, I just need to make sure I stay on top of things to keep it fun and exciting for the kids.

EJ went to her first sleepover Friday night since being home. I was very hesitant to let her go because of all the freedom she would encounter and whether she would be able to have the necessary self control that she had been taught at Remuda. I know the mom well, so I had no problem going over all of the expectations before EJ went. I think EJ did well and met all the requirements with her eating, plus she did great at not overeating on sweets. As I am writing this, I feel that I sound like an overbearing and controlling mom. Well, I guess I'm OK with that. I think it would have bothered me in the past to sound overbearing and controlling. However, now that I know that EJ really has a problem and struggles with knowing her limits, I don't feel bad about it. Trust me, I have seen her come home from sleep overs where it was a free for all with food and she was vomiting the entire day after. Not pretty! So, with all that said, I am proud of EJ and how she handled herself Friday night and Saturday. Yea!

We have had a great weekend. Friday night, Jami and I got to go on our first date in a LONG time. I don't know if I should admit it, but I think it's been over a year. That's bad! It was unexpected, EJ was at the sleep over. Then, a neighbor called to see if the boys could go to a bon fire with them. So, that left Jami and I. We went to City Range and enjoyed several appetizers (Brie and Buffalo Shrimp) and had a chance to relax and enjoy each others company. I know we won't wait another year to go on a date again. It is NOT good for us to wait that long to spend time with each other on dates. We had been using the excuse of have zero money and no babysitter for not going out. That will change...we will find a way to go out more often.

Last night, we went to the art museum in downtown Greenville. Jami and EJ especially enjoy looking at the art work and talking about it. After the museum, we went to eat wings. This was the first time since EJ has been home that the five of us have been out to eat. It was a dream come true for me. Picture this: the five of us, hot wings, beer, App State on tv, and NO complaining about the food. Everyone just simply ate and we had good conversation. Hopefully, it was just a glimpse of many more great meals as a family. For me, everything was perfect last night (except that ASU lost!).

After dinner, we walked around with the kids downtown. They have not mentioned anything that they want for Christmas. N told us at dinner that Christmas was not about gifts, and that was why he hadn't asked for anything. I think that they are very intuitive and know that money is tight. So, we told them that it was OK to make a list of things that they would like for Christmas. We'll see where that goes! Have I said how much I love my kids? They are all so unique in their own ways and I love that about each one of them.

A table for five

2009-12-04T05:43:00.000-08:00

This picture is part of a vision that I have had for our family for a really, really long time. Sure, this looks like a typical table set for five people. However, for me this picture represents how far we have come as a family in the past 60 days.

Prior to EJ going to Remuda, there would maybe be 3 forks at the table. EJ and N definitely would not need a fork. They didn't eat anything that required a fork! Also, notice the SALAD plates. Our family had never had salad at a meal (or any other veggie!). Doesn't this picture look fairly "normal"? I think so, and I love it!

This past week has been a whirlwind without a doubt. EJ and I arrived back in Greenville Monday afternoon. We were greeted by friends and family at the airport. EJ was reunited after that with the two most wonderful animals in her life, Oliver and Patch. Their reunion was precious. I honestly think that she missed her dog and cat just as much as she missed us (I hate to say this, but she probably missed them MORE than us). I'm OK with that though. We are quite as cute, soft, and fluffy as they are...

EJ and I spent Tuesday going to the grocery store to get all the items we needed for our weekly menu. She appreciated having a voice about certain things at the store, such as what kind of bread, bagels, or chips. Our dietitian planned out every single meal and snack for the entire week. My job is to have all the items in the house and prepared at the time we are supposed to eat them. Basically, we are all in this together. Our entire family is on the same schedule. Wow, there sure are challenges there. I think the boys are struggling the most. They don't really understand why they can't switch things up or make changes to the menu. For EJ, it is crucial that she sticks to the menu exactly. She thrives with sameness and routine.

Here I go again comparing what we are going through to when we brought the babies home from the hospital. We are on a very rigid schedule with our eating. We are eating about every two hours. So basically, I am looking ahead from one meal/snack to the next. At this time, our entire day revolves around eating. It is hard, real hard. And stressful, real stressful.

Wednesday, we met with EJ's dietitian. We are fortunate enough to be able to see the dietitian that she was going to before she went to Remuda. I'm relieved that we are now connected with someone that can guide us with keeping EJ on track with the progress that was made at Remuda. We are going to stick with the menu that she came home from Remuda with for the next 3 weeks. That means that every Monday we will have the same foods, every Tuesday the same, and so on. After 3 weeks, we will change up the menu slightly and then stick with that menu for the next 3 weeks. The purpose of doing this is to expose EJ to the same foods over and over so she can get accustomed to certain foods.

Thursday, we had our first day of everyone being back in the swing of things. EJ went to school and I went back to work. EJ was so cute, she told me that she just wanted me to drop her off and not walk her into school. So, I did. And she did great. She was thrilled to see her awesome teacher and her classmates. She had a wonderful day. After school, I took her to meet her new therapist. We are pleased that her dietitian and her therapist are in the same building and regularly communicate with each other. Also, we were pleased to find out that there is a family therapist that is moving into that same building very soon. We are planning to see the family therapist as well to help the rest of us with all the changes and to talk about how we can help EJ (and the rest of the family) carry over her successes. Yes, very busy with lots of weekly appointments, but well worth it.

Now for how the rest of us are adjusting to EJ being back at home.
As soon as N saw EJ and I at the airport, he whispered in my ear "does EJ still have that disease?" I was quite taken aback by him asking me that. I had briefly discussed with N what Asperger's was and what it means for EJ and how we can help her. I think is his head he was thinking that by being at Remuda for 60 days, she would come home and not have Asperger's syndrome any more. I explained to him the Asperger's was not a disease. It is something that she will always have, but there are many ways that we can help EJ. I also reminded him that our EJ that we sent to Remuda 60 days ago was the exact same EJ that came home. Only better, in that she now is able to eat meals with us at home! I'm sure we will have more talks with N about all this in the future. I actually saw a spectacular book at Barnes and Noble by the name "All Cats Have Aspergers Syndrome". I can't wait to buy the book and share it with the kids. This book does an awesome job at explaining Aspergers in a way that a child can understand. I think I will use this book also to explain to EJ more about Aspergers. It is really hard to explain to her, and we have briefly done this just very basically when she asked us about it. I'm pretty sure it will be an ongoing discussion.

How am I doing? Wow, that's a loaded question.
I am so thankful that we now have EJ back at home with us. It feels great to have all of us back together under the same roof. Meals and snacks are going fairly well. I love being able to serve just one dinner and not being a short order cook. I'm not saying that everyone eats what they are served, but oh well. That's life!
There have been melt downs and tears, many anxious times at meals and snacks, and anger from the boys that they have to eat the same things as EJ. I really do think that all these things will decrease as we all get used to our new routines. Oh, and the melt downs and tears were not from me, but from the kids (Hehe!)
I am very stressed about doing things the "right" way so that EJ will continue to meet her goals. I'm feeling tons of pressure to help her in every way possible. I'm scared that I will mess things us. I'm still stressed greatly about our financial situation, especially with Christmas coming up. I've explained to the kids that this Christmas will be more about enjoying our time with each other and serving others in any way we can. As I'm writing this I keep telling myself that all these fears, worries, and concerns are all things that I need to turn over to God. It's easily said, but hard to completely let go and let God work his amazing ways.

More things that I'm praying about:
Mine and Jami's relationship as we adjust and get used to new routines
Jami's ongoing job situation and that God will provide
My frustration with our financial situation and my bitterness about Jami's job not providing
For our boys and that they will not feel like they are being put on the back burner with EJ home
The Harris family and for as few side effects as possible with Eliza's chemo
That my daily actions will be pleasing to God

And now for some pictures:

EJ's last picture with her Remuda bracelet on her wrist (we cut it off immediately!)

EJ hanging out in our hotel room in Phoenix before flying back to Greenville

EJ wanted to swim, however a wind/sand storm blew in, brrrrr!

Wes Pickering

2009-12-02T13:42:00.000-08:00

I have lots of updates coming very soon. Lots of thoughts that need to escape my mind.....

I did want to let anyone who has been following EJ's progress to know that we are having a "welcome home" gathering on Saturday morning. It is very short notice, we were waiting on a place to have it and confirmation from the singer/songwriter.

So...here are the details.
Wes Pickering is coming from Nashville TN to play music and hang out for a couple hours. He will be playing above the "Go Fish" store in the West End in downtown Greenville. There is a Furman room upstairs that is perfect for what we had in mind.
It will be from 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM this Saturday December 5th.
We will have a coffee tasting by Liquid Highway along with the music.
Anyone is welcome to show up, kids are fantastic. They will love the music!

We first heard Wes sing on Remuda Ranch's webpage. He sings a song called "Oh Little Darling" and the words are so relevant to what our family has been experiencing with EJ's eating disorder. Thanks to Wes and this song, my husband who rarely sobs, sobbed for hours the first time he heard it. Yes, I do mean hours.

It will be a time of celebrating with friends, family, and all who have supported our family during the past six months or so since we found out that EJ needed help from Remuda. EJ is SO excited to be home and is looking forward to seeing as many of you as possible Saturday morning. Spread the word to anyone who you may think would be interested in coming out.

I'll update how she is doing very soon. I have not had a chance to update the past few days. I have been soaking in every moment of family time and adjusting to our new routines.

Nesting?

2009-11-29T08:35:00.000-08:00

Over the past couple of weeks since we found out when EJ was coming home, we have had many people congratulating us. We have been given many hugs. Lots of big smiles and happiness. And tons of well wishes.

I started thinking and I recalled the last time friends and family were so happy for us. I remember all the "congrats". It hit me yesterday that I feel like we are bringing a new baby home. All the excitement surrounding her coming home reminds me of when we brought each of our three kids home from the hospital. I have the anticipation, nervousness, and excitement building inside of me. With EJ coming home, we will all need to adjust to a new schedule and feedings every three hours. No wonder I've been SO excited about her coming home. I remember how excited I was when each EJ, N, and O came home with us.

It is like we are getting a second turn to bring EJ home. The first time was as she was a newborn baby and this time as a 9 year old little girl. Both times are very similar as in we will have a fresh start with eating and lots of trial and error to figure out what works. Not many people get the second chance that Jami and I are getting. For this, I am so thankful.

Now, speaking of "nesting". I am probably one of the few women who did not "nest" while pregnant. I had heard of moms-to-be doing thorough cleaning and decluttering throughout the house. Not me! Until yesterday.....then it hit. I all of a sudden had this urge to clean the entire house spotless. I went through drawers and cleaned out tons of "junk". I took bags of outgrown clothes to donate. My family probably thought I was losing it and going crazy. Well, they most likely think that most of the time anyway. So, I suppose I finished my "nesting" yesterday, and I'm officially ready for my girl to come home (for the second time!).

Phase 3

2009-11-29T06:49:00.001-08:00

VERY SOON WE WILL BE:

CUTTING DOWN A CHRISTMAS TREE

DOING A LITTLE CELEBRATING

AND MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE ARGUING

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE WILL BE TOGETHER

60 days ago I would have never imagined that I'd be on a plane right now going to reunite with EJ. Sure, I knew that I would be going to pick her up at some point. There were lots of "ifs" about when and whether she would have made progress. We now have answers to many of the questions that we have had. Definitely not ALL the answers, definitely many things still up in the air, and most definitely a long road ahead of us.

I feel that our life with EJ up to this point has had three phases with her eating struggles. Phase 1 lasted about 8 years. This was from the time she was about 15 months up until September 29th when she went to Remuda. Phase 2, what seems to have lasted FOREVER, actually has only been the past 2 months. And finally, phase 3 will be the longest of all the phases. Phase 3 will be the rest of EJ's life. You see, EJ's eating struggles WILL (not maybe) continue forever. Sure, it may get easier than it was during the first phase. However, I am certain that we will have many difficulties and setbacks along the way. I do feel that phase 2 has absolutely helped our families in many ways. We have a much better understanding of our daughter and the way she "works". We have grown much closer as a family. We have shared many emotions and thoughts that we would have not otherwise expressed.

Our past couple of phone calls with EJ have been difficult. She has either canceled our calls without Jami and I knowing or been very distracted while we are trying to talk with her. These things are probably typical for a 9 year old. I don't know about the constant bathroom breaks and the phone coming disconnected over and over during the phone calls. Evidently, she doesn't enjoy talking on the phone. Let's hope that continues in her pre-teen and teenage years! I'm trying not to take it personally though.

She has been very upset during the past two phone calls. On Thanksgiving night, she was crying because she missed us and wanted to be at home for Thanksgiving. She had only had chocolate cake all day. She decided not to eat anything at meal time. I was of course disappointed and negative thoughts began to run through my mind. This was my first test of what is to come once she comes home. There will be good days and bad days. I just need to remind myself that she WILL slip sometimes and need extra encouragement to stay on track.
Last night we called at our assigned time to speak with EJ. Well, the nurse told me that EJ decided that she didn't want to talk to us and she would just see me when I met her at the hotel. Ummm....I don't think so! The boys and Jami had stayed up waiting to talk with her. So, after some coaxing she finally got on the phone. She was crying again. This time it was because of an argument she had with the other girls about what movie they were going to watch. She just could not seem to let it go and move on. This is the Aspergers side of EJ. We talked her through it and by the end of the talk she sounded much better. However, she did not eat again yesterday. Hopefully, she wasn't playing everyone just to get to come home on time! In a way it seems that she completed what was required with her progression of eating and then quit. So, as you can see prayers are needed in this area. Not only for EJ to continue to have a positive heart change and positive attitude but also for me to remain positive and encouraging to EJ.

So, as of right now I will be embracing her into my arms in three and a half hours! (if she'll let me!) She will be mine again and I can't wait. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I feel like she hasn't been our child for the past couple of months. We did not have much say so in anything that was going on in her life. We have not been the disciplinarians. We handed all that over when she had the red bracelet wrapped around her tiny wrist on September 29th. Today, the green bracelet that she progressed up to will be cut off. Yea!

As for the amount of money that we owe, it is now only $4,000. Yes, $4,000 is a ton of money actually. But, when you think about the amount that we started at $36,401, we have come a LONG way. We are almost there, but not quite. I don't have any idea where that money will be coming from. Absolutely no idea. I do know that up until this point God has provided. And I know that He will continue to do so. We took a leap of faith when we got her there September 29th. We had no clue where the rest of the money was going to come from. Well, look how much closer we are.

No matter what our circumstances have been and will continue to be, I need to remind myself that God is in control. This is all part of His story of our family. He had all this planned out and also knows what the future holds for all of us. It takes me letting go of my tight grasp that I tend to have on things and letting Him take over and do His work. Oh, it is a very difficult thing to do. Especially for me, I tend to love to be in control.

I will update again on how things are going soon. Please keep us in your prayers as EJ and I are traveling HOME tomorrow. Also, pray that our entire will adjust to being back together smoothly. Oh how thankful I am that this day has finally arrived. It seemed so distant two months ago, WE MADE IT!

Giving Thanks

2009-11-27T17:34:00.000-08:00

Wow, this Thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for.

I am just thinking of how far we have come since last Thanksgiving. Last year, I had so much frustration and anger brewing in my heart. This year, I have an understanding of my daughter and how she works. Last year, I suffered each and every day with nerve pain in my stomach, side, and back. This year, I still have the pain, however, it is not as severe and not as often. Last year, I had an emptiness about me due to not being open with my family and friends. This year, I feel that my relationships have more depth and meaning. Thank you Lord for helping me grow in so many ways this past year!

We went to visit my family in Chapel Hill, NC for a few days this past week for Thanksgiving. We traveled Tuesday night and got there around 10 pm that evening, which is way late for my taste. We all zonked out as soon as we got there. Wednesday, I spent the day on the phone, ALL day. I am trying to find a counselor and dietitian for EJ once she gets home. Yes, it sounds like as easy thing to do. However, I am running into many road blocks. Any suggestions? I am finding out that there are not many dietitians in the upstate area, especially ones that treat young children. Then, with the counselors, I need to find one that treats children with an eating disorder and Asperger's syndrome. Quite a mix, huh? So far, I've not found a counselor who feels comfortable working with EJ because of her unique situation. Then, on top of searching for a treatment team for EJ, I've also been talking with the insurance company to see what therapy they will cover. Yes, I am very frustrated. Frustration seems to be an ongoing feeling that overcomes me quite often. All this fiasco will continue once I get home from Arizona on Monday. Hopefully, I will have all her appointments set up by the middle of next week. I think I'll just feel better once I have everything lined up. I know how important it is to reinforce all that EJ has learned while at Remuda. So, the sooner she has a treatment team, the better!

Thursday was a great day. The weather was fantastic. The company was wonderful. And I am blessed with such a loving family who actually enjoy spending time together. You know, there are some families who dread being forced to be together for holidays. Well, ours is not one of them. I am thankful that I have a husband who fits in so great with my family and a family who accepts Jami and loves him. My mom worked hard preparing all the food for the day. She has it down to a perfection. All the food tasted so fresh and wonderful. All the fixin's were so great that I really didn't even have room for the turkey! Thanks mom (and dad)!

We had our final teleconference call with EJ's therapist today. I'll have to say that I was quite worried after talking to EJ last night. She had refused her meals yesterday and was crying on the phone last night. I think she had a rough day and really missed being with the family on Thanksgiving. She also had a hard time with the girls in the house yesterday. EJ has a difficult time with social interactions with the older girls. We will continue to work on these issues when she comes home. On top of all this, the pressure was on for EJ to finish an entire meal before being discharged. She knew deep down in her heart that this was something that she needed to do before coming home to Greenville. Needless to say, our conversation was not so good last night. I went to bed feeling discouraged once again and hoping that she would have a better day today.

Sure enough, this morning at breakfast she did it! EJ ate her entire meal. She was served french toast sticks, mandarin oranges, and milk. When we talked to her tonight, she was so proud of herself for being successful at eating a whole meal. I am so thrilled that she did it! I think it really boosted her confidence and she is ready to transfer that same confidence to home.

On a side note, we were supposed to talk with EJ on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, AND Friday this week. With it being a holiday week and now that she is level 2, she had more phone time. Well, turns out EJ does not like phone time evidently. Tuesday during our phone call, we ended up only talking for 5 minutes out of the 15 minutes we had. This was because the phone came "disconnected" about five times. Each time we had to call her back. Wednesday, she canceled our phone call all together! Last night, well, I already talked about that. And then tonight, we got on the phone for about 2 minutes then she had to go to the bathroom. Really? I guess I've learned not to take it personally when she doesn't want to talk on the phone to us. Now, if she comes home and is on the phone for hours with friends I may be offended then. But, I seriously doubt that will happen!

We only have tomorrow left until I fly to Arizona to get EJ! I am so excited! Secretly, part of why I'm so excited is having EJ to myself from noon on Sunday to when we get to Greenville on Monday afternoon. I am picturing us lying in the hotel room on the bed watching TV together and just hanging out, getting to know all about each other again. I feel like there is so much to catch up on. It hits me every once in a while that she has not watched any TV in 60 days! Just think about everything that has happened since September 29th. There are all the things that she has missed. In some ways it seems like it has flown by, but then again in other ways it has been a long time. I keep telling myself I need to write a long post one day about "the year that EJ missed fall". Maybe one day....

I will update again soon. You know what, the next time I write again EJ will be with me! She will be ours again! I have felt like we signed her over to Remuda when we dropped her off September 29th. Jami signed so many papers that day, I felt that with all those papers we were giving her over to their care for the past two months. Well, I guess we really did. So, I guess that means that Sunday, she will officially be ours again. Thank you Lord. Thank you for protecting our daughter, caring for her, beginning to heal her body from a life of disorder eating, and most of all for the new beginning that you are providing for our family. This Thanksgiving, I have been truly blessed.

One week and counting

2009-11-23T16:57:00.000-08:00

EJ is continuing to keep up the hard work in Arizona. She tells us that it's really not that hard, she just does it. We are so proud of her and are giving God the glory for the way that He has softened her heart and her attitude towards food. It may be too soon to say this, but I'll go out on that limb and say that I think a miracle has happened.

Before EJ went to Remuda for treatment, I could not even picture her eating food. It is still hard for me to imagine her actually eating a meal (or bites of a meal). I can't wait to sit down as a family and have a meal. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but this was my dream when EJ went to Arizona in September. My dream is to prepare a meal and our entire family is able to eat together. I know this may not happen right away, there will be glitches. There will be set backs. There will be disappointments. But, I think I am prepared.

I will say that I am nervous. I am nervous about EJ coming home. I am nervous about how all three kids will interact after being apart for so long. I am nervous about getting thrown into a structured routine, which is going to be necessary. I am nervous about all the therapy and dietitian appointments that we will be needing to go to. Will I be able to keep up with all this? As you can tell, I do have some doubts.

I think my doubts are stemming from my insecurities on how to raise EJ with the diagnosis that she has now. I need to keep reminding myself that her diagnosis does not change the child that we have raised for the past 9 years. She is the same sweet, loving girl. I do think that my frustrations with her eating issues will be drastically decreased. I will be more understanding about why EJ does certain things and is so particular about foods. We obviously are starting a whole new adventure as a family. And I am excited (and nervous at the same time).

We are going to Chapel Hill to be with my family tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Both of my brothers will be there before we leave on Friday. I am excited to get to see all of my family and spend time with them. And I'm SO thankful for all of them. I have been blessed with a loving family who are also enjoyable to be around. By the way, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the year. I love it! It does make me sad that EJ won't be with us on Thanksgiving, but I do have Sunday to look forward to.

So here is the plan. I am flying to Phoenix on Sunday morning. EJ will meet me at the airport, I will sign the papers to release her to me. Then, once again, she will be all ours. I can't wait! I have the honor of spending all day Sunday with EJ in Phoenix. We may just hang out in the hotel room or walk around the city. Or, we may just do nothing and enjoy each others company. We will fly back to Greenville on Monday and be here when the boys get out of school. I decided not to try to do the entire trip on Sunday because of the possibly of flight delays and getting in so late on Sunday. I suspect she will go back to school on Wednesday or Thursday of next week. I really want to have her home a couple of days before getting back into the routine of school. Maybe I'm a little selfish, that's OK right? I think so after her being gone for 60 days.

Let me just say this again.....I am so thankful for the people that God has led to help our family through this trial. It is unbelievable to me how unselfish friends and neighbors have been. We have had people take care of animals, provide food and invite us over for dinner, blow our leaves, take care of the boys, give us frequent flyer miles and hotel points, and also donate money by buying coffee or on the website Jami created. So, thank you to everyone who has lifted our family up in prayer and so many other ways. This Thanksgiving, I am truly thankful like I never have been before. This Thanksgiving, our family does not have many of the resources that we have had in the past, however it has been shown to me that what really matters is the people that we surround ourselves with. And for that, I am thankful.

Some things that I am continuing to pray for:

I am working on getting EJ's treatment team together for when she comes home.

I am talking with our insurance to see if her treatment when she comes home will be covered under the diagnosis of Asperger's (it was not covered with her previous diagnosis of eating disorder:not otherwise specified) .

That our family will mesh well once EJ comes home and that we all adjust to being back together as a family.

We still need around $5,000 by the time she is discharged.

Also, we have so many friends that are going through tough times as well at this time. I am continuing to lift their situations up to God and praying that they will continue to have faith and hope in the power of God. I have seen first hand how He has provided and worked in our lives. Although I continue to struggle a lot, I am able to see past the hard times and recognize the awesome ways that God has worked in the lives of our family. And I will continue to put my hope and faith in Him.